Intangibility

I'm a bit rusty at free-verse, but I wanted to give it a go. Feedback is always lovely :)

Phantasmal essence, an abnormal ache so intimate

This habitual awareness borders on despair

Distorting, you wreak havoc upon perception

Conning the senses, authenticity pales

 

The looking glass lay silent, dormant to reality

No vibrant whispers, no hushed silhouettes

Nothing more but a finely filtered presence

Lingering on night’s very breath

 

Unknown to the retina, unknown to the mind

Emotions are fuelled from the blood of rationale

Tomorrow tastes so bitter, a repressed realization:

Only a figment, your hand will never reach mine.

Reviews

[misha]

Beautiful write! Keep it up =)

[Wolfwind Words]

This was a fantastic piece! Filled with lots of vivid and powerful images and great word choices and usage. Never can go wrong with the from the moment in mind, down onto the page type ink.
The overal feeling I got from this was a view of how a love, that can not be obtained might, register and then flow through the mind of the one who can't reach it.

Great Ink!
Wolfie

[Aven]

"Only a figment, your hand will never reach mine." I liked this poem alot, and you saved the best line for last. The way you express yourself, whether in free verse or not, makes intangible almost feel tangible. That is my way of saying I love your writing. :)

[Jaime Tollefson]

I actually find our voices to be sort of similar so I can relate to this style of writing. This actually begged me to read it a few times, where fresh nuances were discovered each time. "Nothing more but a finely filtered presence" reminds me of someone who I wish was around too. I do want to suggest however, that you try maybe to focus more on a single point about this piece. Each line is like a new story, and though all very beautifully written, it tends to send the mind into a kind of octopus of directions. Overall, very nice piece.

[Adelia Alighieri]

I love the imagery and the profound use of words. Wow, you told so much in such a little poem! Great job, I loved it.

[Crusaderscross]

This is my style of writing. Classic very detailed, emotional, words well chosen.
Like your writing, will continue to read

[the_stoic]

this seemed to be out of a text book .. i mean the kinda poems we read for our english courses . nothing like the usual ones . the longing of a repressed soul has been expressed really well . the title has been chosen aptly too . all in all a different yet nice write

[Su' Nacnetaf]

The last stanza was amazing, I'm not really a fan of free verse, but this piece was trully great. I enjoyed thoroughly every single word as I read out loud. Wonderful writing, keep on the good work.

[Crowley]

Not so rusty Girly Q...this was really good, not quite sure what is intangible in this piece, normal existence perhaps, but because the tomorrow tastes so bitter, or a love that for one reason or another is unreachable. Very surreal feeling, with a dash of despair and hopelessness. Nice work.

[Antonio Valentino]

Wow, this is you when you are rusty?

It was fantastic, loved the ending!
Antonio :)