The Genie

A monologue-type poem, similar to 'Cloud Nine'. I might tweak it a bit still, but I haven't posted anything in a while, so for now I'm just leaving it raw.

Well I’m seeing through a haze of red

That’s quite different from yours

Your lips pollute my oxygen

Dirty words for dirty pores

 

(A genie with big eyes

Stands with satin ‘round her waste

You permeate her memories

And distort her tiny face)

 

Lazy is four letters

Love is as well

Pity I’m the predecessor

Though the latter looks like hell

 

(Life lessons for the genie

Who can’t grant her own wish

She’s too busy watching you

Watching them, hating this)

 

I wandered 'round where I was born

Ripped plaques right from the wall

I smashed out all the windows

Before marvelling at it all

 

(The genie’s got a safety pin)

Well I have many a regret

(She’s looking in the mirror now)

Hello self, time to forget

 

But you are still polluting

In an unending, bitter way

Till salt spills into angry air

To wash the ugliness away

 

(Vulgarity fades to vapors,

Small arms reach out to you

Empathy is not four letters

But it will have to do)

 

It’s Tuesday and I’m laughing

In a sick, distorted way

Though it sounds akin choking

Trust me, we’ll be okay

Author's Note

So, the brackets were a bit different for me. Not sure if I'll keep those or not, but I kind of like them. They're symbolic, in a ridiculous way that probably only applies to me. Lol. This poem still feels very raw to me, I'm not sure if I want to polish it or not. Any feedback would be fantastic, thank you :)

Reviews

[*Private Person*]

this is really well expressed emotions. I like your write.

[Aven]

I don't know why I havn't read this before, it really took me by surprise. You always write great stuff, but this was a bit different. "I smashed out all the windows, Before marvelling at it all" is such a powerful statement. Good going! :)

[Steve]

Hey...i like the brackets. I like anything that helps me to read a write. I like a poem that sounds as good as this one does......you are a good rhymer hon!!

I dont really know at all what is meant by these words, but reading it was good. So overall you did good!

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

You surely had some powerful imagery here. You are fearless. You brought out emotions that most of us all are afraid to confront.

[Miss Coral]

I think that the flow could use some work, but the rhyme scheme was tight and consistent, and the piece was overall wonderfully done. I liked the images, the contradictions, the way that you went back to things in the poem... great job. c:

[Jason Clement]

The brackets instantly made me think of back up or secondary vocalists and I made a little song out of it in my head as I read. Lol. Dunno if that applies as feedback or anything special like that :P

Also, when I read "it's tuesday" I was like no it's...oh, wait, f**k -- it's 2:30am.