Even Cloud Nine Induces Side Effects

A lyrical sort of inner-monologue. Or something.

Well I’d rather have lust than this lie we call love As I float here in the sky. But I’m warning you now, if you catch me somehow, My skin holds daggers, so don’t hold on tight. I’m waiting for fiction, for someone to listen So timeless and selfish and cold. And no warmth to distinguish from a burn to relinquish, But reality is overrated I’m told. So you tell me what’s faker, the words or the maker? Or perhaps my reciprocation of sound? For there lies profanity, the bitter insanity, Mounting mentally profound. So what feeds this notion of a lack of devotion? A crack beneath the glass mirror of soul. And so miniscule, it squeezed right on through, Seeping and taking its toll. A deadliness injected which overrode and infected The ability to stay on the earth. Now it seems I’m too tired for the skill that requires A bond that gives meaning and worth. So here I lay floating, no more apt to loathing No being other than self. But the stars have stopped bleeding, and the clouds are receding, So maybe I shall finally seek help.

Author's Note

I'm very honoured to say that this poem placed second in EverEmma's "Poetry Contest!!!" :)
http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Poetry-Contest!!!/11231/

Reviews

[thedaydreamer]

Wow. Breathtaking.

This is a splendid example of how powerful poetry can be. Even if I love almost all the lines churned so well into a poem, I will first single out the ones I loved the most.
"But I’m warning you now, if you catch me somehow,
My skin holds daggers, so don’t hold on tight. "... awesome lines.

"And no warmth to distinguish from a burn to relinquish,
But reality is overrated I’m told. "... speechless.

"So you tell me what’s faker, the words or the maker? "... awesome again.

I love the form of the poem. Though I feel, you might have missed it towards the start. However, I loved the line... "But I’m warning you now, if you catch me somehow, ".

All in all, a magnificent piece of work that forces one to think.
Will be watching you from now on.

:)

[Jennifer]

WOW. this is amazing, I wish i could write something as profound as what you did with thim amazing poem.

[Sender UpWords]

Great write... 'Nough said. Bisous, Love and Light, Sender

[Aven]

I'm stunned.

[Abdul Aziz]

First up, I'll have to congratulate you for the great rhyme scheme! Very good idea.
The form definitely helps in enhancing the effect of the poem. It sounds like an angry rap song at times, but I think that's intended. The pace of the poem is breathtaking, literally. And the way it makes the tongue roll is awesome.
There are many lines to quote here. I think it will suffice to say that there is no favorite line for me, for all are very good!

The rhyme scheme falters in a few places though.. you might want to look into that. The first line, for instance, doesn't have the internal rhyme that really stands out in the other lines. And "sky" and "tight" doesn't seem to be a rhyme that is of the quality of the others. In the first line of the third stanza, I don't know if "faker" is an appropriate word. But these are just minor complaints.

I love the poem, and this is going into my favorites right now!

[Dinesh Sairam]

"So here I lay floating, no more apt to loathing No being other than self. But the stars have stopped bleeding, and the clouds are receding, So maybe I shall finally seek help."

Splendid imagery. It's like your poetry is on durgs.. lol. I mean it, square, confined poetry doesn't always help. Sometimes, poetry like this brings out the aptness too well. Keep writing.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This was almost Shakespearean in some ways. The words were harsh and abrasive, but spoken with a sophisticated elegance. I would say that it is almost violent in it's nature. I felt a force wedged between the subject and the reader. The rift grows as the poem progresses. It pushes the reader away then entire time. This is a great poem that one must sit and take their time to read. Very nice Work!

[Jason Clement]

Straight up the best poem I've read from you.

[Steve]

Excellent! You are good at this.

[thatbryngirl]

This is deep. i love this!! very powerful..i love the wording...