Letter Fifteen: Of He Whom I Miss Most

My cousin Nicholas.

Dear Nicholas, Nick, and/or Dickless,

I don't quite know how to start this letter and state my true feelings, but jeez.  I love you a lot, cuz, but I've also been extremely disappointed in you.  I'd like to dwell on the good memories first, if that's alright.

The first memory I have of you is my little cousin who wandered around Disneyland with us, "taught" me how to play Legend of Zelda on Nintendo 64 (and by teaching I mean I asked to play and you said you'd show me and I never ended up getting the controller), and played with my brand-spankin'-new Betty Spaghetti doll when Irene and I were asleep.  I've watched you grow up, and it's been an interesting process, to be completely honest.  You always used a lot of swear words, before I even started swearing.  You were always the video game kid, unlike your surfer-musician brother and your shopper-Irish dancer sister.  You were a bit temperamental at times but always fun to be around.  You and Irene and I always cried the hardest whenever one family had to leave the other, but before we knew it we were together again, probably for one of Irene's feshes or Christmas or a birthday.  One of the funniest stages to remember was your health kick, when you refused to eat McDonald's or drink diet soda or do anything even remotely unhealthy because "it'll give you cancer."  What a character you are!  When it comes down to it, I think of you as the reckless little kid who needed nothing more than a GameBoy Color and a few French fries.

But now, you've grown up, and I'm not too sure I'm thrilled about that.  I'm a little disappointed in the choices you've made, and don't deny it, what you have done is always partially your fault.  I expected more from you after what happened with Eddie, and though I had a feeling you'd smoke pot, I always hoped the best for you.  I feel a little sad that you lost your virginity before I have.  Not because you beat me to it, but because that's something special that you kind of threw away.  Do you even talk to that girl anymore?  And in a motor home?  Trashy!  My ex always screwed girls in his trailer and can you even imagine the number of STDs he must have now?

Anyway, I'm not here to lecture you.  I just wanted you to know that I think of you a lot, and I pray for you so much.  You're one of my favorite cousins, and your future is a very special thing.  Please take care of it.  No more Facebook fiascos, no more weed, no more dirty sex.  Make the rest of your life special.  You don't know when you'll lose it.

Your cousin,

Mia