Letter Fourteen: Of She Whom I've Drifted From

For Alison.

Dear Alison,

My oh my, hasn't it been a long time since the days of our adventures on the Sacred Heart playground?  I'm sure you remember every swoon we dedicated to our designated Jonas Brother, you to Joe, Claire and Tyler to Nick, and me to Kevin?  I won't lie, the only real reason I picked Kevin in the first place was because nobody else wanted him.  And I knew that if it was a battle of looks, Claire and Tyler would win Nick over me, and you'd of course win Joe, so what was the point in competing over something that was already lost?  In case there's still any sour grapes concerning any of my comments in middle school, in all honesty, I downgraded all of us in order to cover up my own insecurity.  You didn't deserve that, and neither did Claire, Tyler, or (dare I say it) KC.  I am deeply sorry for all the pain I've caused you and I've forgiven all the pain you have caused me.

I miss you, Ali, I really do, but I don't exactly know how I'm supposed to get back into contact with you.  I don't know how I can be such an awkward person, I really don't.  I can't talk to my crush, I can't talk to you.  Because I'm awkward.  I'm depressed, I'm anxious.  I'm crazy.  Social situations are tough on me, unless I'm with certain people.  Maybe if we were with Claire, it'd be okay, but I know one on one things between you and me could get real weird real fast, and that's not an insult to you, but to me.  I don't even understand what's going on in my head, and I can't expect anybody else to.

I am glad for the fact that we ended middle school in good terms.  It was fun hanging out for graduation, and then later when we went to the concert (separately) and saw each other.  I really wish we could be close again, and if there's one goal that I can see myself getting from you, it's trying to be better around people.

Thanks for all the memories,

Mia