Letter Seven: Of an Ex-Crush

Dear River,

Okay, so this is going to be really surprising, if you ever end up reading this, but yes, I will admit to once having a crush on you.  It was short-lived and ruined by the fact that you never once made a real effort to talk to me.  Even today, I wave to you and say, "Hi, River" and what do you do?  Nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  It makes me sincerely unhappy that all these girls pay attention to you, nice girls, cool girls, and you are able to blow them off with just a dismissive wave of the hand.

Jazmine liked you, too, and for that reason I never came out with my minor crush on you.  Kevin and Steph even advised me to go after you.  Isn't that hilarious?  They thought you could make me happy, really happy, after they found out that I was depressed.  Yes, River, depressed.  I have depression and anxiety, and if you'd bothered to find that out, you too would know.  And no, it's not something that I flaunt around like most teenagers do, going off about their new therapist and how many pills they're taking, etc.  I keep it mostly to myself and the important people, the people who actually care to know about my real life, not just the sunny outside I display for average friends.  And to me, to be completely honest, you're below average.

You put on this face, the godly-hot mystery guy that's a good Christian, a love expert, and the best-looking model you'll ever meet.  Every girl you've met probably wants or wanted to get in your pants, and/or find out that secret you have.  Yes, River, I know you have a secret.  I don't know what it is, but it's painfully obvious to everyone in the vicinity that you have a secret you keep in order to keep the girls guessing.  I think that you enjoy to bask in the glow of your good looks.  You're blessed with something so many people don't have.  I don't have good looks like yours, and I never will.  But at least I try with people.  You talk to Ashlee and Derek and Alexis.  And you talked to Jaz.

That's what really hurt me.  You could talk to my best friend.  You could hit on my best friend.  And never once notice that I was trying to be something to you.  I complimented you, contacted you when I could without seeming creepy, at least from my standpoint.  And you ignored me.  I don't like you very much anymore, and I'm not mystified by your charm and your secret.  I hope you enjoy the glow of your many women, River, and good luck with that gorgeous visage of yours.  Because the secrets underneath it probably aren't even worth knowing.

Your ex-crusher,

Mia