Chapter One

This is not the full extent of the chapter.

Chapter One

 

The longest night of my existence commenced leisurely. I felt nonchalant, as I lay in bed with that week’s book.This was exactly how I favored my Friday evenings; the dim light of the candles flickered softly, distracting me from conflicting thoughts. My week had been filled with packed corridors and excitable people indulging themselves in thoughts of prosperity, which I for one could not express. I honored the rare and wonderful silence that filled the house. My mother’s whereabouts was a complete mystery to me, which was something I had grown used to. She and I have always had a relationship consisting of half truths. She acts oblivious; like there is nothing in this world I could possibly keep from her. I believe she likes to consider me an open book; although in her idealistic world, the book is empty and she holds the pen. 

        It was just gone nine, I looked out the window and felt instantly hypnotized by the star filled sky. The night was warm and humid and my long hair stuck to my face uncomfortably. I sat for a moment, in a dream-like state. Ever so suddenly, there was a loud bang, someone was in the house! My stomach churned and my heart was in my mouth. Every instinct was telling me to hide, they might leave.

''Lexi?'' a familiar voice called, ''are you there?''  I recognized it instantly, although I wasn't comforted, the fear somewhat grew. It was Maya, my best friend. ‘Lexi Alice Dainton, I know you’re in! Get downstairs now, woman!’ She ordered in her irritating, shrill voice. I would never say that to her face, I never say anything honest to her face.

        I headed towards the stairs and made my way down, slowly, like a cautious child.  Maya was laid out on the sofa, feet rested upon the arm. She glanced up from her phone screen and flashed me a mischievous grin. She swung herself up off the sofa and skipped over to embraced me. I grimaced, the smell of her Chanel perfume was overpowering and her grip far too tight. When she finally let go, I altered my facial expression to what I prayed was a warm smile, I trusted it to look convincing. She held me at arm’s length and smiled widely back. She wore full makeup, consisting of far too much dark eye shadow and foundation, she always did her best to cover her freckles, I didn’t understand why; I believed they were lovely. Her bleach, blonde hair was curled into loose ringlets, she’d made an effort, I wondered what for. 

        ‘’I’ve got a surprise for you later.’’ Said Maya, simply. This wasn’t good. I despised surprises, especially hers. She'd been in my house only a few minutes and already my anxiety levels were completely revved.

     ''You never invite me over anymore Lexi, why is that?'' 

''Well, I've had a lot of school work.'' I replied, which was mostly true. 

''Oh, well I wouldn’t mind someplace else to crash.’’ she added, suggestively. I gave her a questioning look, but her motive was clear. 

‘’How are things at home?’’ I asked quietly. Maya looked troubled, unconvincingly so.

 ‘’Intense’’ she replied, staring at me with her blue, desperate eyes. I was surprised she didn't elaborate.

‘’Well, you're welcome here whenever.’’ I said.

             I got up to get myself a drink whilst Maya spoke at me from the opposite side of the room. ‘’you know Lex, you are dreadfully timid, it’s fascinating, I cannot understand why.’’ I flinched nervously, there’s nothing I hated more than being analysed. She continued. ''I feel a mess next to you, you're too gorgeous for your own good. I despise being that friend, the one people approach only to discover more about you!’’ I picked at my nails, this was tedious. She glared at me. ‘’You aren’t even listening!''

             Just then, there was three sharp knocks at the front door.

‘’I...I'm not expecting anyone?’’ I stuttered. Maya grinned

‘’Of course you aren’t.'' She replied, mockingly. ''It's your surprise!'' She jumped up. ‘’Come on, let’s not leave them standing on your doorstep all night, wouldn’t that be rude!’’ Who was them? She grabbed my hands, her sharp nails digging into my skin and dragged me up off my seat. I felt deeply nauseous, reclining backward onto the bar. ‘’Lexi? You’ve gone white, are you ok?’’ asked Maya looking briefly concerned.

‘’No, no I’m fine, of course, you go and answer the door,  I’ll be through in just a minute, ok?’’

‘’Ok, oh and when you’re ready, bring the drinks through, will you? Do try to lighten up!’’

‘’Yeah sure Maya'' She had failed to notice my cracking voice and watery eyes, something your best friend is supposed to notice instantly according to the book definition. However, like my Mother, Maya sees only what she wants to see. I listened to her footsteps as she raced to the front door. I poured a generous amount of vodka into my lemonade.

        I walked down the hall, pausing to look at my reflection in the mirror, I had a large, red, stress spot forming on my chin that resembled a wart. My best friend was turning me into a witch. Maybe a witch’s life wouldn’t be so undesirable; I know who I’d curse first. I anxiously turned into the living room, feeling the faces of Maya, and two others look up at me. Who I then caught a glimpse of nearly threw my balance.

 

Author's Note

If you would be interested in seeing more of this chapter please let me know. I've cut a lot out that describes the characters in more depth. There's also a lot more dialogue and commentary. Feedback on structure, dialogue and characters so far would be helpful. Be honest !!

Reviews

[Mazie]

This is very good. I only have a couple of suggestions. Those being, I understand it is narrated by the main character; however, there is a lot of "i" which can become distracting. I realize it's very hard to avoid these especially with first-person, but even replacing the word with my, or even re-wording slightly to cut some out may be beneficial. Again, just a suggestion! Also, using the word "whilst" may not be suitable for the time period? I know I had trouble with this in my novel, trying to figure out which words were appropriate and which were not, but generally, for the time setting, it feels perhaps a bit too out of date.
also, the line " I flinched nervously, there’s nothing I hated more than being analysed" may need to be split up after "i flinched".

I really love the liens about the mother, the book being blank and she the one doing the writing! That really stuck with me, I thought it was a great description! :) Keep it up, it's a great start :)

[E.L. Debbage]

thankyou!! yeah its super hard not to include 'I' every line, i did it without realising, and i knew something was a bit off and distracting. Thanks for clearing that up! im considering changing the tense to third person, not sure though,
im v glad you liked the descriptions, thankyou for taking the time to read and comment
:-) x

[Mazie]

Np, my pleasure :)

[Ghazal]

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee continue writing, I want to see more of the chapters to come

[Maja]

I really like how you described her relationship with her mother and the way you described her need for an alone time, cause that kind of gives me an idea with how she is with herself and with other people. It really magnified the way her best friend acts. I hope I see more of this! :)

[E.L. Debbage]

I'm so glad it's clear, thankyou for the encouragement :)

[Cly Young]

Great story so far. You have my interest. I'd like to see more of the chapter.

[E.L. Debbage]

Thanks for the encouragement! I'll work on it more then hopefully post it very soon :)

[Annacate]

Lovely prose. Interesting subject, too. Nice work. The one thing I would advise, though is to show your readers what the problem is right away. What's at stake? Thank you for sharing this. :) Annacate

[E.L. Debbage]

Thankyou for your insight, could I ask though how I could show this? have you done any writing that i could possibly learn from? :)

[Annacate]

I'll private message you. :)