Written On the Bus Home...

A rough piece I wrote on my way home, today.

Young boy on the bus -

Carries equipment for various sports;

as the endorphin's prevent 

His inevitable negative thoughts.

Man on the bus - 

Carries work related records:

a career reliant on others, 

for promised long term rewards.

Woman on the bus - 

Her head rested upon a bar;

as hope for her disabled child

seemed so very afar. 

Old man on the bus - 

Lost chance haunted his eyes;

spent all his life planning 

for what he discovered to be lies.

I'm on the bus - 

My mind feels overflowed 

I'll get off at the next stop,

to ensure I don't go down the same road.

Reviews

[Patrick]

thought this was great. I noticed you 'people watch'...i also have that habit and try to turn into writing. This is a great example of that very thing.
'old man on the bus' touched me. sad.

[Bare trees]

Learning from the fate of others is the best prevention for the future.

[Roxie M]

Interesting...this could be the start of many bus trip poems (?) with endless supply of observations and feelings. Well written, I enjoyed it. It engaged me and left me wanting more.

[Maja]

This. Is good. I like how the whole poem came together at the end, and how the bus was used as a metaphor. I also like how it doesn't sound like it's trying hard to be complicated, like it just flowed naturally towards the end. Great job! :)

[E.L. Debbage]

Thank you!!