who am I ?

A Poem by Girl-with-no-name

I feel like i am losing myself,

I am trying to put my thoughts on a shelf,

Remedy seems so hard to find,

I think i must rewind.

The things i have done, the things i have said,

i must give to this hell an end.

Keep questioning myself about ''who i am'',

Am i alive or am i dead?

Am i a frick or am i just special,

i am trying to say something confidential,

But still can't live without my demons,

i live through the tremors.

Of who i was and who i am going to be,

Can't find the real me.

Keep searching for someone to stand by my side,

To say that he loves me to hug me tight.

Someone to believe in me,

to show me the world and just let it be.

To be my friend, to be my partner,

my family and never alter,

the real me, and what i see

TO SHOW ME WHO I AM

AND HOW MY LIFE WILL BE

© 2012 Girl-with-no-name

Author's Note

try to ignore the syntax and grammas problem while reading the poem but after reading it let me know what mistakes i have done
Thank you.

My Review

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Reviews

gloomysundays

I really like the message you are trying to give with this poem. The feeling of being lost and desperately looking for something to define you. It's a very relatable feeling. I read your about me and understand that you aren't fluent in English so I'll help you out with some very minor mistakes that will go a long way.

In the English language when you write "I", it is always capitalized. Example: I am very strong. They went to the movies but I did not. Regardless of it's placement in the sentence, it's always to be capitalized.

When asking someone who you are the question is writting as "Who am I?" When you say, "Who I am" people expect to read about someone who has already defined their attributes as a person, etc. "Who I am is a strong woman." or "Who I am is a lazy student."

I hope these little tips helped. I felt like the rhyming was forced at times. Like "shelf" and "myself". When you do this in a poem, it makes it feel ingenuine. As if the words you are writing are not things your feeling because if it was so, they'd simply roll of the tongue. Poetry doesn't always have to rhyme. The main idea is to convey an emotion. You did a good job but the forced rhyming kills it for me at times.

Anyways, this was a good read. I hope to see more from you. Good luck and happy writing.

Cheers!
84/100