broken girl

hopelessness can't win... can it????

Sometimes it seeps into every pore and crevice

Fear; doubt; sabotage... and I'm scared

That I'm so broken nothing can fix me

that I'm too broken for anyone to accept.

 

I need to sit in silence with all the pieces

And find a way to mend them back together;

So maybe the wounds won't be so raw

and I wouldn't feel everything so deeply.

 

It's no ones fault I am this way.

Its a million little moments and Memories

Of pain. That hollowing out you get

when you believe so hard - then break.

 

It becomes hard to judge friend from foe,

when they came cleverly masked as each other so often.

Then fighting and defending becomes your default

A prison that keeps you safe from everyone except yourself...

 

And I wonder, did I draw it all too me?

That is what i believe in after all and

if so what am I supposed to learn? That we are all

capable of being the blade or the shield?

 

There is a loneliness in all that questioning.

A sense of hopelessness that never leaves.

A belief that after you've been carved out so much

And still held steadfast and optimistic...

 

that it's all just the same coming round again

And I don't know if it's self fulfilling prophecy

Or just the collective brokenness of us all;

And I wish I didn't wonder about any of it.

 

Because it only makes me feel alone

 

and a little crazy

 

for caring at all.

Reviews

[chicagogirlonce]

ii have felt this way all my life---don't let the creeps get you down---they are not worth it--don't let them win.

[Elleannatasha]

I am so trying my dear. This little light of mine often plays in my head... and I'm not religious, I just get the metaphor. :) *thank you for your words*

[chicagogirlonce]

Bless your heart--are you a victim--I should say survivor of abuse,also,as I am?

[Elleannatasha]

I have definitely experienced what could be textbook labeled as abuse... yes, I imagine so. I am often wont to label the suffering and lashing out of others as abuse, even though I know that's what it was. It's a hard label to accept I imagine. I am definitely a survivor like you though my dear.

[chicagogirlonce]

For years I was so ashamed to be a victim-then I learned the term "SAS" sexual abuse survivor.It helped me feel stronger...the first step in healing is to face the truth of what has happened to us.I am not religious either,but I do believe in a higher power.That has helped me get through the anguish.I send you healing vibes.

[Elleannatasha]

love and light my dear.

[chicagogirlonce]

thank you! I need them both and right back to you!