Trauma

I wanted to add horror to the poem. Did it work?

They stare; I feel my hairs stand on their ends.
They grin their devilish grin; all the more I cringe in fear
They inched closer; there's an urge to scream out loud.
They go nearer; there's an urge to run far away.

I lay awake, breathless, tired and afraid.
That night kept on coming back over and over.
I stared at the ceiling, as if they held answers.
Why, oh why the punishment?

A knock; I look at the window pane
Unclear; I edged a little closer.
I stared; feared what I saw.
They smiled their devilish smile.

They came back for me.

Reviews

[Lina Grey]

pretty good. on one side, the vagueness of description could be harmful, because you lose the cause of the fear. But on the other side the lack of information adds to the sense of dread and mystery, the suspense. It has a bit of a schizophrenic feel, I think, because of how it's all "I" against the overwhelming "them" and it focuses on the reactions in an almost simplistic sort of way.

[Monster ^.^]

The vagueness does seem harmful doesn't it? But I actually meant it to be "trauma" as a whole...

[Helen Crutchett]

They go nearer; there's an urge to run far away.

(I'm running......)



"I stared; feared what I saw.
They smiled their devilish smile.

They came back for me."

(That's when I dive under the doona again!)

Great write Monster and yes it DID work!

Thank you for submitting this to the gothic contest!

[Dhaye]

Yes, it did scare me a bit. Nightmares make ghosts which would come back anytime to wake our fears up.
Good job, kabayan!

[Monster ^.^]

Maraming Salamat dyahe! Thank you :) yes, being haunted does scare us :)

[angelina neves]

nice "chilling"!

[Jack Cassidy]

This is okay. I like the arrangement of your words, it seemed a little too simple and vague for me though. Decent work.

[Monster ^.^]

Well, thank you :)

[Rob Santana]

Hey pretty good, like a creepy nightmare.

[Monster ^.^]

Thank you :)

[Holly Mason]

love night time creepy thanks for the read

[Monster ^.^]

The pleasure is all mine :)

[Akira Kodama]

I felt a sense a of schizophrenia or dissociation with this poem. That probably came from the semi-vagueness of it. I like how it leaves the reader(or at least me) to think of what or who exactly "They" is or are. Very good write.

[Monster ^.^]

I very much appreciate that, Izaak, thank you :) I just felt the night here is too quiet... Thought of scaring my self more with writing this xp