Rachiel's Speech

Rachiel lost her son to the war, and after such, they were taken over as slaves by the enemy. This is her speech before she died

Wasn't it enough? Wasn't it enough?! Wasn't the pleasure of sliding your sword through the heart of my child enough? Why the hunger? Why the war? Why do the weak and weary suffer under the able? Is there no grace; no conscience in your heart? Do anger overrule sense?

Do you know what you have done? Do you know what you are doing? Do you know what the fight is for? Isn't it not for freedom? Isn't that what every being in this barren land hope? Isn't it yours, mine and my child's dream?! So why? Why do you, who knows the pain, inflict it on others? Is it fun? Is it revenge? Is it not for freedom?

Have you already forgotten the pain when bedazzled by the light of victory? You who have finally achieved freedom--don't you pity the weak? What of us? What of those who were innocent? What of those who weren't even able to raise their own arms to protect themselves... their family?

My child died for us... for us to gain freedom. Are you too greedy to share a piecemeal of it?

I laugh! Oh, how I do! What if we had won!? What if you were the one in my place, kneeling, begging?! I too shan't forgive you. I guess, war... it just isn't the place to forgive.

Reviews

[critic h]

the plot is heart touching and so is the words of the broken tired mother.

the language is lucid, idea brilliant, the idea of an agonising mother on the loss of her part.

but there are some downfall even. The speech begins on a higher note but it becomes blunt when se says "but i forgive you". such a low level short and blunt sentence after such cursing words!!! there the gradient is missing..

and the ending is much more down even..
"i can let it all go"

there could have some more effective words which could have described mother's feelings. thats all...

one more things at some places it appears to be the agenda of the government..
boring..
use of some effective sentences might help..

[Monster ^.^]

Thank you so much! You are pretty helpful! What do you think of it now? Have I made it better or worse?

[critic h]

its better

but
"i salute you"
here salute word is somewhat looking like respect instead of sarcasm.

and no one dies for pleasure.

and in tragic speeches try repeating words
eg:
"my child died for us... for us to gain freedom

[Monster ^.^]

Wow, I really appreciate that! I'll try my best :)