Twelve (Josh)

Devina was throwing me for a loop. For a couple days she had been very responsive to me, happily returning my affections and initiating her own.

But it was like things had changed overnight. She was quickly becoming distant. I could sense it as soon as we woke up the day after her birthday. After spending most of the day being lazy in our hotel suite, I tried talking to her.

“Devina?”

She didn’t take her eyes off her laptop as she replied, “Hmm?”

“What happens when this is over?”

The question grabbed her attention.

“When you don’t need me anymore?” she clarified.

I nodded.

“You go back to Union and I go back to Indiana so I can move to DC. Then we pretend we never knew each other.”

She went back to her laptop as if what she had just said had no effect on her.

“I don’t want to forget about you,” I admitted.

Devina looked at me again in surprise.

“You have to,” she argued.

“Why?”

It was making me mad that she appeared to be confused as to why it should be any different.

“Because, Josh. I’m an anonymous person. I help others and go back to being unknown. Staying in their life would put them in danger.”

“Am I not already in danger?”

“You are. And if I were to continue to be a part of your life, you would continuously be in danger.”

I didn’t like what she was saying.

“Never speak to you again.”

It wasn’t exactly a question.

“Never speak to me again,” Devina confirmed.

“How is that fair?”

Devina flinched a little.

“I have sworn to protect you with my life. I’d say it’s more than fair,” she said calmly.

“I don’t think so.”

There were times when I said something to which Devina could not formulate a proper response. This was one of those times. Once again, she turned back to her computer.

“So because of your job, you can never see or talk to me again,” I rationalized.

It annoyed me when Devina closed her eyes and sighed through her nose as if she were dealing with some impertinent child. I was not a child.

“Yes, that is correct.”

“Then quit your job.”

Devina looked like I had just struck her cheek.

“What?!” she shrieked.

“I think you understood what I just said, Devina.”

“That’s preposterous!”

“Not overly, no.”

“How can you say something like that?”

“It’s fairly easy because I’m falling in love with you.”

Devina was completely bewildered. It made my heart drop into my stomach. Wasn’t it obvious how I felt?

She blinked rapidly a few times.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Being in close quarters with me at all times is tricking your mind into thinking you have feelings for me,” she dismissed.

“Is that what you tell yourself? To make leaving me easier?”

Her face went stony.

“That’s crossing the line, Joshua.”

“What line?!” I screeched. “We’ve completely obliterated all of them!”

“Joshua--”

“I don’t believe for a second you don’t have feelings for me.”

“Whatever makes you feel better.”

“Yes, the truth does make me feel better!”

Devina shook her head.

“Why are you wasting your feelings on me?!”

“It’s not a waste! You are so smart and so beautiful. And funny. And brave. And so selfless, it makes me hate myself sometimes.”

“Joshua, don’t say--”

“God d****t, Devina! I love you!”

My voice echoed in the room for a moment. Devina’s jaw snapped shut and that was the only sound for several minutes.

Finally, Devina got up and put on her tennis shoes.

“What are you doing?” I asked, worried.

“Going for a run,” she replied.

“No, Devina. You can’t leave me,” I said, panicking as I stood up and moved to stop her.

“Sure I can,” she said as she strapped her phone’s athletic case to her arm.

“No, Devina, you can’t!”

I grabbed her arm but she automatically wrenched it free.

“This is one of the safest places in the world. I don’t really want to be around you right now. You’ll be fine for the next thirty minutes,” she said coldly.

And with that, she left.