Five (Devina)

For the second day in a row, I woke up tangled in Josh’s embrace. I sighed in defeat.

Oh, who was I kidding? It had been so long since I had been held. It felt nice, even if it didn’t mean anything.

For some odd reason, my mind drifted to the realization of how lucky I was. I was in bed with Josh Hutcherson. Pre-pubescent teenagers all over the world would kill to be in this position.

 Oh, god.

 The idea made my stomach flip.

 “Blech!”

 Josh groaned.

 “Good morning to you too,” he mumbled.

 “Good morning. Sorry. Just… Post-waking thoughts and… No. You don’t want to know,” I said.

 “Tell me, Dev.”

 My phone started ringing.

 “Trust me. You really don’t want to know.”

 “Did it have to do with me?”

 “Indirectly.  But I wasn’t making that noise because of you.”

 I reached over to grab my phone. It was Thomas.

 “But I don’t�"“

 “Hello?”

“Hey Devina,” Thomas replied.

I sat up in bed. Not only did Thomas rarely use my given name, but I could hear in his voice that something was off.

“Thomas? What’s wrong?”

Josh sat up too.

“Is Josh nearby?” Thomas asked.

“He is,” I answered.

“Put me on speakerphone. I need to talk to both of you.”

I took the phone away from my ear and hit the speakerphone button. I then placed the phone on the bed between us.

“Go ahead, Thomas.”

“Devina, you know we’re following a lead,” Thomas began.

Josh looked up at me. It was clear at once he was upset with me for not telling him. Thomas was a step ahead of me though.

“Josh, don’t be mad at Devina. I wouldn’t allow her to tell you until we had a considerable amount of information. A good strategy, too, because we’ve reached a dead end.”

I looked over at Josh again. A multitude of emotions were playing across his face.

Even though it hadn’t been used in ages, the part of my brain that I used to comfort my subjects kicked in. I reached over to grab Josh’s hand and held onto it tightly.

“This guy isn’t working alone. The name connected to the credit card we were tracking showed up in Colorado. So we followed that one as well and it ended up being the true owner. False lead. So we’re pretty much back at square one.”

“Is my family safe?” Josh asked, his voice cracking.

“We’ve moved them to a safe house up north,” Thomas answered.

Josh was about to break so I quickly said, “Thank you, Thomas.”

Thomas knew me well enough to know this was not a dismissal, but rather a signal that I needed a moment to absorb and react to information in private. Or in this case, Josh needed a moment. The line went dead and my phone automatically exited the call screen.

Josh’s face clearly communicated he was trying and failing to keep himself together. It made my heart hurt.

I reached over and took him in my arms. He clung to me like a lifeline �" and actually, I was. He began to cry freely into my shoulder and it hit me: For the first time in my career, I realized just how much my charges depend on me to keep them safe �" to keep them alive.

I rubbed Josh’s back soothingly. This was going to be an emotional assignment. This was not going to be the only time Josh would cry on my shoulder.

After several minutes, Josh’s sobs slowed to only a sniffle here and there. I pulled away slightly. My hands went to both sides of his face and I placed a kiss on his forehead. I then pressed my forehead against his.

“Joshua, look at me,” I requested.

His eyelashes fluttered and his watery brown eyes met my clear green.

“Everything is going to be alright. I realize this is very difficult for you. I’m here for you �" physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’ll be strong when you can’t be. I’m strong enough for both of us,” I said. “When I asked you to be honest with me, I meant emotionally as well. Don’t ever be afraid to let me know what you’re feeling. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to be angry and yell at me, then be angry and yell at me. I can take it. Everything is going to be alright. I promise you that.”

Josh and I looked at each other for a long moment. Then his face contorted in pain and he pushed me away roughly.

I looked at him in shock.

“You kept this lead from me. Why?” he asked, his voice full of contempt.

I was so thrown by his sudden change of demeanor I was shocked into silence.

“Why, Devina?” he raised his voice.

“I had to,” was all I could manage.

“How is it fair of you to demand complete honesty of me but decide it doesn’t apply to you?”

That was an unfair accusation. When we were driving I had told him more than I ever intended to.

“I’ve told you more than I needed to.”

“So that’s your excuse, is it?”

“My excuse is it’s my job to keep you safe.”

Josh shook his head and looked away from me.

“Unbelievable,” he mumbled.

 He did not just go there.

“Yeah, it is pretty unbelievable that I would lay down my life for such an ungrateful, spoiled superstar,” I spat.

He looked at me again and I was surprised to see he actually had the nerve to be angry.

“Ungrateful?! You have no idea what this feels like,” he gritted out.

For what seemed like the hundredth time since he arrived on my doorstep, my eyebrows shot up on my forehead.

“Oh, I don’t?! And did you become an expert on Devina Friedmann while you slept?!”

I felt a dangerous fire rising within me. How dare he challenge me and my experiences.

“No, you don’t. I bet your family has never been in danger,” Josh said nastily.

 In a flash, my hand came into sharp contact with his cheek.

“How dare you!” I shrieked, getting off the bed in a flurry. “You think what I do is easy? You don’t think there are people out there who would want to hurt my family if they knew what I did for a living? If I even had a family to threaten!”

Josh looked at me in confusion.

“What?”

“My parents died in a car crash when I was ten. Neither my suicidal aunt nor my heroin addict of an uncle was fit to raise a ten- and six-year-old so my brother and I became wards of the state. My brother was all I had as I tried to feel my way through adolescence while being raised in the foster organization. We were hard to place because I refused to be separated from him. I worked my a*s off so I could move through the education system as quickly as possible. I was recruited into the BND right out of school and I took the job so I could gain custody of my brother. And now he’s finishing school in Scotland while I’m here protectingyou. Don’t EVER tell me I don’t know what it’s like to be threatened and fear for my family’s safety. You don’t even know the half of it!”

I was crying by the time I finished shouting at him. I never wanted him to know this about me, but I had lost my head.

He was completely shocked.

“Devina, I didn’t know,” he said.

“Of course you didn’t know! That’s the whole f*****g point, Joshua!”

I turned away, looking for an exit and quickly realizing there wasn’t one. I growled.

“I’m angry because of you and I can’t even leave this damn room because of you!”

I stormed off to the bathroom, raving in German as I went. The slamming of the door made me jump.

Once I was alone, I tried calming myself. I took deep breaths and splashed cold water on my face.

What an ungrateful little s**t.

Stop, Devina.

I had to listen to my voice of reason or I would have thrown myself into a full-fledged anxiety attack.

I took another deep breath. I turned and put the toilet lid down so I could sit on it. I closed my eyes and tried to center my focus on relaxing.

Deep breaths. Deeeeeep breaths. Focus.

I was finally calm when I heard a shuffling outside.

“Devina…” Josh said through the door.

I didn’t respond.

“Devina… I’m sorry.”

I sighed.

I stood up and opened the door. I pushed past Josh and went into the main room. With a groan, I climbed into the bed and pulled the covers over my head. Yeah, it was a bit childish but what else was I going to do? I couldn’t leave.

“Devina…”

The bed shifted as Josh sat on the end of it.

“Devina, I’m sorry. I… I’m just really scared,” Josh said, his voice cracking.

I said nothing. I didn’t want to forgive him just yet.

“It was wrong of me to attack you. And to assume I know you when I don’t. I’d like to know you, though. But I guess I understand you not wanting me to know you.”

More silence.

“I wish I could do more for you,” he whispered.

I flipped the covers down and looked at him.

“Why?”

He wasn’t expecting me to ask.

“You’re a good person, Devina. I can’t really do much except buy you things and be nice to you.”

“That’s enough. You don’t know me so I don’t expect anything more.”

“But you’re guarding my life. I should do more.”

“Just be nice and trust me. That’s all I ask.”

He bit his lip.

“Okay,” he said in defeat.

I rolled away from him again.

“Can we… can we go somewhere?” he asked nervously.

“I suppose we can go get some food,” I replied.

“That would be nice.”

I got out of the bed and walked over to my duffel bag. I grabbed some clothes to change into and went back to the bathroom. Going out didn’t sound that appealing to me but I was hungry and didn’t want to order room service.

When I came back out, Josh had changed as well and was ready to go. We said nothing as we left the room.

This adventure was always going to be a bit turbulent.