Chapter 3

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

 

CHAPTER THREE

 

I spent that weekend with my family and that weekend alone. My Mother had decided her nerves could not handle taking me to Minnesota, so instead my Brother took me.

I would be dropped off at the school and that was it. I wasn't going to stay with family, I wasn't spending one day there to see how I liked it, I was going and that was the end of it. My Father had put his foot down when I Mother left the room and by the time the weekend was up, I was ready to leave.

I wanted out of that house and away from them. I wanted somewhere I could be as down as I wanted, as wrapped up in Bryce as I desired with no one to tell me what I could or could not do. I needed space and that was the only thing I was looking forward to here.

The only thing.

That is�"if I could get any space there to be myself. To be how I would rather be.

“You sure you got everything?” He asked for the five hundredth time since at the airport as we left, as we arrived, at the car rental place and for the thirty minute drive to the gated entrance.

“You're asking again.” I mumbled, set on not giving him even an ounce of the kind nature I was capable of. My mood was crap, I wasn't happy. Everyone needed to know it.

“Fine. Be that way. Get out. We're here.”

My eyes glanced over the larger than life building. It looked new age, brick with what seemed like five floors.

What were they for? It's only for kids in high school, right?

The grounds had grass that looked fake, it was too green. The trees looked like they had been placed perfectly in all of the right spots for students to read under on blankets without getting too close to the fence or the building.

The only thing that made this look strange was the charred walls of the boarding house. Well part of it. One half was brand new, clean and sleek but the other half looked like a mess. Wonder how that happened...

“Fine.” I grumbled as I opened the car door, grabbed my bags and slammed it shut.

“Need help finding anything?” He called from behind me.

“No. I'm fine.”

I held my bags close. Clinging to them as if they would save me from this nightmare.

I wasn't fine.

Fine would be in Bryce's arms away from the gazes of these strangers. Away from my family, away from this school that would surely but slowly kill me. I was no where near fine.

If I had thought I was alone before, this would make it clearer. I wasn't only alone. I had been abandoned in a world of faces I did not recognize with no communication to the outside world apart from one phone call every month.

One. Only one.

Who would I call and would they pick up after a whole month of not hearing from me? Were my parents set on making me lose my friends too?

Stifling the urge to break into tears and fall to the hard graveled walkway, I climbed the steps to the place I would soon call home.

The interior was lined in cherry wood along the bottom half of the wall and a clean crème color coating up towards the tall ceiling. It felt warm, rich. But I wasn't buying into it.

This place is a prison. A prison built to keep people like me who don't want anything to do with it's flashy walls. It's glistening wood floors and long hallways.

Or the chipper woman who had just walked in front of me.

“You must be Alice.” Her voice was a bit too perky and the aroma of oranges poured from her in my direction.

“Yeah, that's me.” I wouldn't fake my annoyance with anyone else, why do it here?

“Then come this way. I'll pair you with someone who'll show you around, okay?” She smacked her lips, chewing what appeared to be gum. I just nodded and followed her down a long hallway filled with doors on each side, all closed.

Maybe I'll get find out what’s in them soon enough. We stopped at the end of the hallway near a flight of stairs. A round table sat next to it with some odd arrangement of white followers and a large door to the left.

“Right through here...” We walked through the door, to a huge room lined with what looked to be shower curtains. “This is where you'll sleep until the dormitories have been completed.”

“When will that be?”

“We're unsure at this time. But I can assure you, they are working around the clock.” She nodded towards a red head that peaked out of a curtain about three paces down. “You'll be shown around by Maurice. She is a straight A student, let's hope she rubs off on you.”

Great. She must have seen my grades from my old school. There goes my chance at a new start.

I went to stand beside Maurice as the perky woman made her way out of the room. Gymnasium �"if I went by what my Parents told me about the place. They also told me it would have separate places for the girls and for the boys. Guess the brochures were wrong about two things. That boarding, since the guys beds weren't separate, one was on either side of Maurice's bed.

It also didn't show a beautiful picture of the charred dormitories outside.

“So, don't think I'm a goodie goodie at first word. I'm not. I roll with a different crowd. I don't think you'd fit in with it, so don't even try. I'll be polite for the headmistresses sake since she keeps her eyes on everything but if you annoy me, I'll cause you pain. Got it?”

Oh, this was funny.

“Don't let my short appearance fool you. I'm not one to be messed with. I've been around the block more times than you can count on your skeleton thin fingers. Cause me pain and I'll do you worse, trust me.”

I flashed my brightest smile in her direction. I wasn't taking crap from anyone. I had taken enough from people at my old school, this time it was different. If I had to endure this, then I might as well make a whole new persona here. After all. No one back at home would know. 

“Now, we can get along or you can stick the attitude you have up your-”

“Rodger.”

A guy interrupted my sentence and I turned in his direction.

“My name is Rodger.” He had red hair that was in curls on the top of his head. He also had a line of freckles that traced along his cheeks, but sunglasses that hid his eyes from view. He wasn't your average kid, though the school uniform tried to conceal the fact that he either seemed cool or was trying to be suave. Although he didn’t look nor act anything like Bryce, I couldn't shake the image of the first time I had saw him.

Tall, dark and handsome leaning against a fence had his head titled in my direction but I couldn't tell if his eyes were on me due to them being covered with sunglasses.

I turned towards Abigail and nudged her elbow. “Who's that? Is he new?”

“He just transferred actually. Hot, huh?”

I wasn't one to label men or women as hot. It never defines their personality or the way they handle themselves in situations or around others. It only had to do with appearance but if I could call him anything. It would be suave.

“Sure.” I answered her question, not feeling the need to be called any names today or have a thousand questions asked of me about why I didn't use 'hot' as a way to describe that 'hunk of a man'.

I knew nothing about him, couldn't jump out and say 'hey, I think you look pretty good, want to go grab a smoothie or something?' Nah. I'd deal with just standing here like I'm clueless, glancing over my shoulder in his -

He tilted his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose, his eyes staring right through me. I felt my heart jump. I turned my head back towards Abigail and began fiddling with the string on my hooded jacket. Who was this guy...Why was he staring at me...and why was he making his way over here?

“Leaning against the fence isn't against the rules, is it?” He asked, bright teeth blinding me.

“No, not at all.” Abigail answered instead of me. I couldn't find the words and feared that when I spoke, it would sound like crap.

“Wasn't talking to you...” His expression was bland as he shrugged her off. “..I was talking to you...beautiful eyes...”

I blushed, that was one of my main traits that made me stand out among a crowd, but no one ever commented on them...at least not in that way. “T-Thank you.” I mumbled, eyes not wavering from his.

“So, is it?” He asked walking closer to me.

“Is what?” My mind was so focused on him being so close that I couldn't remember the question at first. “Oh, Oh. Yeah, it is. The teachers will be out with reinforcements soon.”

“In that case we better get out of here...” His sunglasses were back over his eyes as he turned away from me and headed towards a silver and black motorcycle. Bryce stopped beside it, grabbed the helmet and glanced back at me. “Coming?”

“Hi Rodger” I nodded towards him, then looked back at Maurice. “Point blank, you don't want to get told on, do you?” I smirked, then brought my attention back to Rodger who had cleared his throat.

“I think you're wrong, Maurice. I think she'll make a great addition to our group.”

“I was just kidding anyway. It was sort of a test to see if you’re fit for it and babe…” she put her arm around my shoulder. “You are. I knew it the moment I saw you.”

“No offense...” I held up my hands to emphasize my point. “But I don't really want to be a part of any group. I just want to know where I sleep, eat and attend my classes. Maybe with everywhere else this stupid place has, but that's pretty much it.”

“Fine, fine. Come on, let's go.” Maurice took my wrist and walked three more paces down the isle and pulled back the curtain. A twin bed sat in the middle with a bedside table. A lamp sat on top of the night stand and a wardrobe with two  bottom drawers sat to it’s right.

“This is where you'll sleep. Put your bags in the wardrobe and follow me.”

I walked over to the wardrobe, opened the doors and stashed my bags below the row of school uniforms that hung neatly on plastic hangers, shut the doors and walked out of the confined space I now called my 'room'. “Ready.”

All three of us walked out of the door, leaving other students in the old gymnasium behind us.

“We are in twelfth grade so most of our classes are on the second floor. The higher you go, the lower the grade gets. Got it?”

I nodded, then glanced down the hallway at the closed doors.

“Since you're so eager, we'll go through these first.” She began walking down the hallway, stopping at the closest door to my right.

“This is the teacher's lounge.” She nodded to the door on my left. “That is the office where we take up issues or see the headmistress, her office is in there too.”

I followed her down the hallway eight paces, enough space for the rooms previously mentioned, then she stopped again to the door on my right.

“This is where we get our pictures taken for the yearbook. That one is..” she nodded towards the door on the left. “..Where we pick up our senior rings.”

We walked further down the hallway and stopped again at another door.

“This is for storage the one on the left is for the janitorial staff.”

We walked further down the hallway, past the front door.

“This is the girls bathroom and to the left is the boys bathroom.”

She continued on her way to one large door in the back.

“The other rooms are for storage and a nurse’s office. The one that says nurse on it...yeah. Self-explanatory. This is where we eat...” she gestured towards the door behind her. “Which is now. It's lunch time. You've missed a few classes...All of the doors on the second floor however, are labeled so you'll be able to tell which is which. No need to show you around there. There's a library on the second floor too.”

She continued to talk as we made our way into the dining hall. It kept the warmth that the entire building held, all students chattering and stuffing their faces as they ate what looked like well prepared meals.

What did my parents have to pay for this?

“There's an indoor pool in a building outside Which is just left of the under construction dormitories and we usually have Physical Education there as well as outside. There's also a nice maze in the back of the school with trees and picnic tables. A nice place to read or eat when you don't want to eat here. I'll be eating outside You're welcome to join me.”

“Yeah, okay.”

I couldn't see one empty seat in the hall. Rows of students lined each extremely long table, all chatting to each other as if there were something new every day to discuss. They lived together and only saw this place, there wasn't anywhere else they could go. What could they be talking about?

Homework, the beds were too soft or not soft enough, the one phone call they could only make once a month?

Either way, I would rather eat with Maurice than with these students.

We made our way towards what looked like a display rack holding labeled plates.

“Why don't we get to choose what we want out of what they serve like regular schools?” I asked falling in line with other students.

“Well....” Maurice began. “The school keeps up with the allergies and eating habits of all of it's students�"that way no one has an allergic reaction or has to go against their beliefs of what is right and wrong. I'm lactose so nothing I eat has milk in it. I also refuse to eat anything that has or had a mother, so I'm a vegan as well. I only have sweets every few days and never anything with cherries or carrots because I just don't like the taste. I also drink caffeinated drinks with every meal but dinner. During dinner I have juice.  You can drop off a list of what you are allergic to and preferences at the office.”

“Gee. Let’s see how much Maurice can talk about herself?” Rodger joked.

“Shut up.”

“That's actually pretty nice.” I said making my way to the front nearest the plates. I glanced around looking at the names. “Rodger...” I grabbed his plate and handed it over to him.

“Thanks.” he nodded at me and half smiled.

“No problem.”

“A diabetic cuisine.” He laughed and nudged Maurice's shoulder.

“It's yummy, don't front. You love it.” She glanced up at him with a smirk then found my eyes. “There's yours.” Her finger pointed up at a plate with the name 'Alice E. Conway'

“What's the E stand for?” Her smile was brighter than the florescent lights above us.

“Ember. How did you know my last name was Conway?” I asked, baffled.

“Headmistress. Don't worry, I'm not weird like Rodge here.” She batted her lashes and in that second I had noticed I never paid much attention to them. She was wearing fake eyelashes to match her hair color, except they were just a little darker with black tips.

“I think we're holding up the line....” Rodger interrupted and nodded away from the display.

I followed in suit as they made their way past all of the tables and students chattering like maniacs. I silently thanked my lucky stars that I was able to have a choice of eating inside or out.

It was more refreshing to be outside. The aroma that filled my lungs was unlike anything I had been used to in the city and since the school was in the middle of a forest, plenty of fresh and clean air was at the tips of my fingers.

I followed the two of them towards the stone steps where we were greeted by a small group of students.

“This is the new girl, Alice.” Maurice beamed nudging me. “She doesn't allow people to walk all over her and apparently can stand up for herself if you try.”

“She's in the group, officially.” Rodger nudged me before I could interrupt him to state I wasn't in any group nor did I want to be. “Don't deny it. You'll need someone to sit with instead of the other people here. Trust me, we're the only ones who are tolerable. You'll thank us later.”

I rolled my eyes and glanced over the faces that were before me, but stopped at the one who was actually staring at me in a way I remember�"the way Bryce used to.

His hair was dark and falling into his eyes, his uniform disheveled and wrinkled. His tie was undone�"just hanging on his shoulders. A few buttons were undone in his white long sleeved shirt he had rolled up to his elbows revealing his large forearms. He wasn't seventeen or eighteen, couldn't be.  

Stop staring at me.. 

I turned to face the others, trying to focus my mind on anything else, anything but the need to run away. Far away to where I wouldn’t make any mistakes. To where I could be content with being alone with others.

“This is Amelia...” Maurice began introducing me to the faces I knew nothing about. Starting with one of the girls who's dark brown hair looked as though she constantly ran her fingers through it to keep it away from her face.

“Uh.” Amelia interrupted chewing on the skin around her thumb. “Call me Lia. Not with an H. Or an E. It's L. I. A.” She huffed, blinked vigorously and continued her chewing.

“Okay Lia not with an H or E.” I must have been funny because most of them laughed at my comment, apart from the boy who'd been staring at me through squinted eyes.

“Don't pay any mind to her hair, she tends to dye it more than  .I change underwear.” Maurice noted, then moved on.

“This is Troy.” She pointed towards a guy with short black hair and delicate chocolate skin.

“Nice to know you. How long do you think you'll last?” He wiggled his eyebrows in my direction. I shook my head quickly.

“So far...” I took in a deep breath of fresh air. “I'm ready to start with the hair pulling and strait jackets.” My humor surprised me�"their laughter surprised me, especially with how good it felt to my soul.

The one I had been left secluded with all summer. The one that tore me from the inside.

“Nice, nice. I see why you recruited this one, Maur.” He laughed and gestured in my direction.

I felt on the spot, my cheeks were warm and my eyes on my toes. This is why I enjoyed those nights in with Bryce, why going out made me nervous...because people gawked at us like freaks. He looked like the bad boy and I looked like the innocent girl fawning over someone that wouldn't give me the time of day.

But he did. He gave me more than that.

“This is Kane. Well…Ryder. But we call him Kane.” She was pointing towards the one who, minutes before had his eyes fixated on me, was staring out across the school yard.

Now that I had to look, he wouldn't.

“Hmm. Nice to meet you.” Not. I'd rather swallow a thousand live crabs than look at you. I'd rather eat turtles then have you stare at me all day. I'd rather smell carrots, which I hate, than smell the aftershave that is hanging high in the air right now.

“Yeah.” He nodded.

That was it? That was all he had to say after burning a hole through me with his eyes? Yeah. 

My eyes rolled. It bothered me that it bothered me.

Why did I care? Why did him saying one measly word to me send a hot wave of anger through my frame? I should be relieved. Elated even! But...I'm not. I'm irritated. And this, out of everything at this hell hole, scared me.