Chapter 1

If you only plan on reading one chapter, please do not chose this one! Thank You!

Beth felt a hand on her shoulder, waking her from her deep sleep. She struggled to open her eyes, the corners of her mouth curled upward.

"Good morning, Bethie." Ani Donoway whispered to her.

"Hi." Beth yawned with a stretch of her limbs, observing her mother's turquoise gown.

"You don't like it?"

"I like it, but I haven't seen you wear it in ages."

"Well, today is a special day," She said adjusting the silver necklace upon her slender neck. "This is the day my little girl grows into a woman. Someday you will do things never done by a woman in this kingdom, and soon you will be a lady of the country and you will be the change our country has been waiting to see. This is a special occasion, dear."

Beth and her mother were more of friends than mother and daughter, in Delahonte, it was unusual for children to be close to their parents at all. But Ani and Beth were different than the others. When Beth was a young girl, her mother didn't send her out with the nursemaid every day like the other women did, she instead took her child to training, and let her be an independent spirit. Not raised to be the prim, proper, image driven females of the kingdom.

"You think very highly of me, mother."

"You give me reasons to do so, now get prepared, we will leave soon."

Beth recalled how much the camps had once meant to her as she brushed her long blonde hair from her face. She had always been thrilled to pack her bags and pursue the ability to learn maneuvers that she could show to Ander when they had returned home. She had loved the jokingly appalled look on his face when he acted as though she was actually beating him, and how he would share how to observe an opponent and in turn defeat them. She had surrendered to letting herself believe that the reason for her success was Ander. Or maybe he was just the reason for her new inability to focus. She had finished brushing her hair when she heard a knock on the door to her bedroom.

"It's not locked."  As if on cue, the decorated wooden door swung open.

"Happy Birthday, Beth!" Emylee yelled in an unnatural voice as she launched into Beth's bedroom. Her best and only friend. Emylee was with her during the good times and the not so good times.

"Hey, I thought you weren't coming." She waltzed to Emylee and wrapped her arms around her.

"I told Jak to find another time we could go. The ball isn't going away, and I couldn't dare miss your birthday or saying goodbye."

"Well, I suppose that makes you a good friend."  Beth said, a smile forming on her face.

"Hey, control yourself hot shot, there's no need to get all mushy on me. It's your sixteenth birthday, it's my duty to be a good friend. Even to a monster like you." She laughed with a wink.

"I do have a heart, you know. Disguised as it may be."

"A heart? Oh, that is definitely news to me." The girls laughed.  Emylee looked at her hands, eyes flickering with what looked like pain.  "Are you nervous?"

"No, I have to switch to a new base whether I put in the effort or not. So, I might as well show them what I've got."

"Beth, what you do there, it's dangerous. You know the outcome. Either you die, or you become a part of the military leader people, I don't know what they are actually called. But, you are definitely not going to year five or six, you're the best female fighter Humes has ever seen. One of the only females at all. Everyone knows that, they'd be stupid not to choose you. It's so dangerous. There are people that are going to make it their personal mission to kill you."

"That's kind of the point, Em. Either people aren't eligible because of their birth, or they aren't qualified physically, or just not going to step up, and much like you, everyone is afraid. Someone has to be prepared if there is another war. Plus, I will always have someone trying to kill me, even if I'm not out there."

"Can you just be careful?"

"I'm always careful, you know that. I'm not new to this, I've been working at it my entire life. If I can survive my father, I can handle anything out there. Trust me." The door opened again, Beth's mother appeared holding a silver spoon with peanut butter followed by Willow, the family dog.

"Hi, Emylee," She shifted her eyes to Beth, "It's time, peach."

Beth stashed her final items into her bag, and giving Emylee one last smirk, she walked out the door.

*~*

When Beth reached the exam room, her heart began to beat out her chest so fast it was as though she had just been running for hundreds of miles. For so long she'd been buried deep within the boundaries of her comfort zone, and now, on her sixteenth birthday all of that would change. The man guiding her asked her to stand in front of a shiny silver door,

"You will be given only a flashlight, the first part of your exam will be to test you on your instincts and general intelligence in low-stress situations, however there will be no battle. You will need to avoid being caught by a group of watchmen and turn on the power generator once you have successfully located it. Once you activate the generator, you will be delivered back to this location for further instruction. There will be absolutely no violence to avoid capture and no combat in this round. Do you have any questions?"

"No."

"Good luck." The rustic man pressed a button on his tablet and a voice expelling from an overhead intercom counted down from three. When the robotic voice got to one, a sliding plate in the wall opened, displaying a flashlight held in a display made of glass. Taking the flashlight in her hand, Beth quickly shuffled into the room, closing the door behind her to avoid light being let in. In the darkness of the room, she found it difficult to decipher any shapes, however she felt as though using the flashlight wasn't wise. She knelt down and touched the ground. Grass. Aerilde simulation, oh what a pleasant surprise, she smiled through her thoughts. Beth remembered her first Aerilde, she was in her second year of camp, it had forced her to choose between Ander and herself. The Aerilde's system operates to control thoughts and alter one's senses to force them to believe in the circumstances by seeing and feeling them.

She closed her eyes and listened for any footsteps. To her left, she could hear footsteps, silence from all other directions. She sauntered forward cautiously, slightly crouched to prevent being seen. Her eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness, around her were many bushes and trees. They were slightly overgrown which was awfully peculiar, yet realistic. The footsteps grew louder and faster, and she could see a flashlight in the distance. Beth stealthily ran to a nearby tree, leaping to grasp the lowest branch and hoisting herself up with feline grace, from that low branch she climbed high enough to avoid detection. She looked down upon the watchman, whom had stopped to look around, then continued to run in search of her. She hopped down from the tree limb and rolled into a sprint in the direction from which he came.

Once she got to the grove of bushes he had come through, she crouched down and listened for the buzzing of the generator, and heard the faint noise coming from the direction the watchman had come from. She slowly approached the area in which she heard the buzzing. There it was, guarded by a single watchman. She observed him as he surveyed the area. Beth felt the ground around her for debris to use as a distraction. Nothing, not a single stick or stone. She checked her pockets, bingo. She took the flashlight from her pocket and threw it as far as she could from the generator. As planned, the gullible watchman sprinted in the direction of the decoy. Beth ran to the generator and flipped the switch disabling the simulation, leaving revealing a bright grey room.

"Please exit." The intercom repeated three times. Beth moved to the door out of which she had entered to find the same middle-age man accompanied by familiar a woman in business attire.

"Ellyzibeth, dear, you never cease to amaze us." The woman said flashing a smile at Beth.

"Maybe you should upgrade your system instead of stalking me, that was pathetic, Laila." The olive-skinned woman raised an accusing brow to Beth.

"Maybe you should respect those who are deciding your future, miss."

"As if." Beth scoffed, after all it was her spunk they seemed to admire, "And I told you never to call me Ellyzibeth."

"Now, if you will follow me." The man began to walk and as Beth did, Laila followed. "You're next exam will be to test your fighting capabilities, you will have five minutes to defeat your opponent using only one of the weapons offered to you. The rules, however, state that you may enter empty handed and disarm your opponent which most figure you will do. I, as strongly noted as you may take, do not suggest it."

"No offense, but I don't care for suggestions given to me by people like you."

"Very well, do you have any questions?" He asked.

"Why would I?" she sighed slightly agitated at the repeated question.

"Good luck." Beth entered the room empty handed, making it a point to do exactly as the man had said not to do. The room was all white and the floor was matted, making it easier on her body to jump. A boy came out, Beth thought him to be about her age, if not older. He bore a long wooden pole, and walked around her in a circle as if she were his prey.

Now, you always want to wait on your opponents first move, see their routine. If not you've given yourself away and you can almost always count on losing. Do not forget your follow through. She heard Ander's voice say in her head. She closed her eyes, gaining her focus to put the best effort possible into this fight. As she opened her eyes, the boy got into a battle position that she could not seem to recognize. He stepped forward swinging his weapon at Beth. She watched his movements, he did this two more times each displaying a different move with the wooden pole. The next step he took, Beth rolled to the left and dodged his strike. He turned to her and lunged forward, a look and sense of confusion fused with anger rushed over him. It was such a strong emotion that she could feel it as if it were radiating off of his body in large beams. She had the notion this boy had not been outsmarted often. Beth, with a taunting glare, used his cocky mentality to her own advantage, she started to mock him with facial expressions and over exaggerated body language.

Might as well make this fun for myself, Beth thought. The boy was outraged by her despicable behavior, she herself was annoyed by her own absurd level of immaturity, but she didn't mind at all if it meant being in the Twelve. Suddenly, he was increasing his fluidity and speed, he went for a wide swing at her head. Being so small she was able to roll between his legs and kicked him in the back, he had finally made his mistake. He spun around, stepping first before he tried to strike her, as the pole barely missed her head he started to prepare for more moves. Beth leaped into the air kicking the stick from his hands.

As the weapon flew, the boy's eyes remained after it, Beth swept his legs out from under him with her own and cracked her right arm across his shoulders, knocking him out. Behind her, the door once again opened, and there stood Laila, clapping as much as possible, like usual. Beth had quit her team at base when she was fourteen, and from that day forward Laila was in an ever to persistent battle to get her back. She hadn't missed a single one of her evaluations since that day. Odd to the world, supportive in her mind. The man stood in front of her, staring at his tablet. Beth walked to them calmly, and the man looked up from his device.

"Well done, your final exam will be simple target practice with throwing knives and a traditional curve bow. No aiming at humans. Any-"

"Still no."

"Good luck." She found it awfully annoying that the end to all of her exchanges with the peculiar man were the same, but in the end she supposed it didn't matter much. Beth made her way into the room which was split into three compartments for three exam sessions to occupy. Each of the compartments were separated by tinted doubled glass. To her left, Beth saw a table that held each of the weapons. She decided to start with the knives, most kids her age had never even held a weapon like this, and she handled them as though they were toys. Beth held and inspected the blades, aiming and throwing at each target, some closer to the bulls-eye than others. After finishing her last throw, Beth took out the bow and quiver of arrows, her usual weapon of choice. With that bow she was allowed a total of 25 arrows and lodged all but three perfectly within the bulls-eye.

"Congratulations, miss Donoway, you have completed all three rounds of exams with a near perfect score. You will be placed in Battle Base A1, eleven of our most experienced students will accompany you and be gifted with the title, until circumstance should change, The Twelve. The Twelve will be the young leaders of all troops. But few, if any, will survive. Be prepared for what you will face, young lady. As we have seen, you have previously viewed this all as a waste of time, these others who will be with you at your camp have been working at this without room for error. Do not get yourself killed, dear. Good luck." The woman said over the intercom. Suddenly a door opened, two men entered and escorted Beth from the room, taking her to a bus. Her belongings were already loaded as if they knew where she would be placed all along.

The bus was cold, dimly lit, and had a musty smell to it. The smell reminded her of moth balls, the ones she'd find hidden in the clothes she had stored in the attic when they went out of season. Although the bus seemed clean from the seat she had chosen, she wasn't about to go searching for the source of the smell. She took a glance of the driver, a middle-aged man wearing a captains hat and suit. His suit had strange decorations setting on the chest and shoulder regions. She was unsure what they meant, probably some indicator of rank and status from whatever bus driving troop he was a part of. Beth looked at the man a long second before deciding that he was likely the source of the smell. The bus started to move beneath her making the most unforgiving noises.

This thing might just fall apart beneath me, I might die before I even go to war.  Beth thought to herself as she wondered how long it had been since this bus had been used last. Beth had always wanted to be apart of the troop, they had extraordinary histories. However, the last group wasn't fated to be. They had been assigned to a mission outside of the country when an enemy team ambushed them and killed them all.

It had been all over the papers and the Quill Santione for weeks, the remaining troops were still trying to figure out the details of what had happened that day. All anyone really knew was that they had died. The Quill had never gotten enough of the children like Beth, the idea of young people leading the nation was the best idea the country had ever come up with according to them. Letting young people like Beth and the other hand-selected members of the Twelve lead gave the adults and more seasoned troops the ability to train more younger people with the same possibility of leading one day.

Beth could feel her eyes growing heavy, she knew that base was still hours, maybe even days away. She looked out the window at the blue sky staring back at her and wondered why the world looked so beautiful. There was so much wrong with the world and yet it had never looked better. Beth slowly closed her eyes, peacefully letting the roars of the ancient bus lull her to sleep.

*~*

Beth grabbed her bags from the bus driver who gave her a solemn nod and carried on back into the bus driving off into the distance. She had slept nearly entire way, spare for the times she had to use the restroom and stops for food in small village markets. Being that she was the only one on that entire bus other than the decorated driver, it was a quiet and spontaneous drive. As she wandered away from the bus, a dark woman in black attire approached Beth.

"I hope I've been dropped at the right place, unfortunately I can't tell because this looks an awful lot like a summer camp brochure I saw at the Quill center once."

"While I can't promise activities you more than likely saw in that brochure, I can promise that this will be something to behold. Hello, I'm Lewisse, you must be Beth."

"Ah, finally! Someone actually gets my name right."

"Come with me, I will show you to your cabin." Before Beth could reply, she started walking. She gathered her belongings and followed Lewisse into a six bunk cabin that was adjacent to a duplicated version. Down a wide, open path, there was a large building with a sign labeled 'Commons Building' with a stable across the path and garden to the right of it. Beth quietly made her way into the bunker where four boys and a girl were already claiming beds. Lewisse stopped before leaving the cabin and turned to Beth.

"I hope you make the best of it, I will not be staying as I have business with the Quill this evening. Good luck, dear." Beth swallowed as the word left the woman's mouth, and waved the her off. The Quill. The group that led her country alongside their king, Beth had always despised them. Half of the things in the country were named after them, and yet hearing the word from the woman's mouth said regarding the actual group made her blood go cold.

"Beth?"

"Noeh!" Beth beamed a smile and ran to the toned teenage boy standing in front of a set of bunks, hugging him as the others stared at them in confusion.

"I haven't seen you in, what, two years? You've obviously done well enough!"

"same to you. You must've really stepped it up." Beth teased, and wondered what had happened to allow two year fours in the base, that was unheard of in Delahonte.

"Yeah, once I started beating you."

"Yeah right!" Beth narrowed her eyes in banter at her friend.

"Okay, stop with- whatever it is that you are doing. Go outside if your going to behave like children." A girl dressed in clothing too fancy for war snarled, gesturing to the door and playing with her short brown hair. Beth couldn't decide whether her accent was that of the Kravinoff tongue or of the Silvertooth. Maybe even fake.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, are we disturbing you? Would you like us to leave you in the silent, comforting peace of the knowledge that we all may be dead tomorrow?" Beth asked, progressively becoming more angry.

"Yes. Now out you go, your voice annoys me." The girl paused, "Oh, and your hair appears as though it may have a rat nesting in it." She looked at Beth as if she were an animal.

"I'm sure you have plenty of knowledge on rats." Beth snapped at her tensing her muscles, the last time someone talked like that to her- Well, he got what he deserved to say the least. "And your accent sounds fake as-"

"Beth, you don't want to do that here." Noeh whispered calmly to her, her shoulders relaxed as she took a deep breath. The girl laughed.

"What? Are you going to mutate into xunn or something?" She made a face mocking that of the cave dwelling creatures in the mountains.

"Monsters are a joke compared to what I'll turn into if you say another word." Beth said lowering her voice and balling her hands to control herself.

"The only thing that could be afraid of a thing like you is a rat, but wait-" The girl drew her teeth back pointing towards her hair. Beth raised her fist to swing at her, but before she could make precious contact with her face, Noeh grabbed her and dragged her out of the cabin.

"I hope she's first to die." She uttered bitterly.

"And you ma'am have not changed a bit." Beth shook herself from his strong unforgiving grip.

"I'm aware." There was a long pause before Noeh spoke.

"Beth, how are you?" He looked worried, as he recalled how angry Beth was that year they were partners.

"I'm fine, I'll be fine."

"Good, why don't you go down to the Commons and get some Quillrons. I saw that they had your favorite when I was down there before you arrived. I'll go in and talk to Melina."

"Good luck. Quill, save her pathetic, incompetent, soul-less self."

"You are just a pleasant little flower, aren't you? So. Pleasant." He teased.

"Shut up."

Beth wandered her way down the path to the Commons building, noticing a large wooded area behind it. She searched around, assuming not everyone was there because the other cabin was empty. She traipsed through the woods and explored for a while. She could remember when she was young, how a tradition her and Ander shared was to find a wooded area and locate a stream or pond in or around it during the time of a holiday. That tradition had continued for Beth, he was always a part of her mind. It was part of the reason Beth had turned so cold once he left. While walking through the woods, she saw many animals such as birds, snakes, foxes. But, they didn't hide.

She had read once that in the Kravinoff Islands, the native animals do the same thing because they aren't hunted. It made Beth wonder where she was. On the ground, she discovered tracks of deer and elk, so with intense curiosity she followed them, finding a lake. She couldn't help but smile as she recalled all of the times her and Ander had done this. Soon she found a log nearby and sat watching the stillness of the water. She stood from her spot within minutes, feeling a twinge of pain in her heart as she thought of the possibility that she may not survive the upcoming days. The words she'd never get to say to Ander, to her mother, to Emylee all filled her mind. She looked out at the water one last time and abandoned the woods, just as the good feeling it offered abandoned her.

*~*

Beth had found an easy path to and from the Lake on the way back. She decided to make note of it in her journal when she returned to her cabin later. Beth glanced into the commons as she slid through the open door. There was a large pantry closet, two large freezing chambers, and a decent sized cooling chamber inside the first large room, the ceilings were high and had windows out of which you could see the clouds roaming the blue skies. She imagined what it must be like at night when the moon is accompanied by millions of beautiful stars. Noeh was in the kitchen leaning on a counter while talking to the three other boys from their cabin. Beth waved before snagging some Oreo ice cream out of one of the freezers, and walked to the boys.

"Hey there tiger, feel better?" Noah asked.

"I suppose, where is the she-devil?"

"Back in the cabin sleeping."

"Winters here already?"

"Funny, but hey let me introduce you to our other roommates, whom I should add are less aggressive for your sake. This is Chaess, Peitre, and Calvenne." They each waved, while Beth managed a smile. "And this not-so-pleasant peach here is Beth."

"Nice to meet you guys." she said with a laugh. "I'm going try to go unpack without waking the beast. Catch you guys later."

Beth walked towards the door, looking out the window. After taking a second to process, her eyes went wide with utter disbelief and she suddenly shoved her limber body behind the side wall pulling her hood to cover her face. She leaned against the wall trying to be as discreet as possible and continued to eat her Quillron. That's when he walked in. Ander, even more attractive than he was at thirteen years old, waltzed through the door with such unbelievable confidence.

Beth watched him proudly stroll by, the flex and utter strength lying in his muscles. If only he had known she was here. Once she was sure he wouldn't see, she bolted out of the building. She was breathing so heavily, in total disbelief that he was there. She shook herself from the thought, prodding a gentle reminder that these were all seasoned fighters, and her petty childhood crush dilemma wasn't going to do anything but provoke her into a psychotic episode. Once in the cabin, Beth started the unpacking process, and as soon as she was finished, she climbed into her bed. Joining Melina, the she-devil, in a well deserved hibernation.

Reviews

[TheBlueJay]

Beth’s mother felt flat to me. She didn’t feel like a real person. There didn’t seem to be any real desires and fears in her. If there is one thing I’ve noticed over the years everyone wants something. Try to remember that when writing the dialogue between characters give them something to want. It doesn’t have to be anything great or even their overall goal. It can and often should be as simple as being hungry and wanting to get out of this conversation to eat.
Emylee felt pretty realistic, however, you put too much dialogue into one area. Think about the way people talk. Some of the best advice I have ever received is to actually say your lines of dialogue, let yourself feel the emotions that would be prominent at that moment and ask yourself would my character say this in this moment?
When I’m editing dialogue for one of my best friends I have to remind her that people don’t very often talk in long drawn out sentences or explain things that are common knowledge. If you are using dialogue to explain something that your character already knows. You’re using dialogue wrong. Dialogue should always be used to push a story forward.
When doing the scene with the exam, be willing to cut out words. For example “She hopped down from the tree limb and rolled into a sprint in the direction from which he came. Once she got to the grove of bushes he had come through, she crouched down and listened for the buzzing of the generator, and heard the faint noise coming from the direction the watchman had come from. She slowly approached the area in which she heard the buzzing.”
She hopped down from the tree limb and rolled into a sprint in the direction from which he came. Once she got to the grove of bushes he had come through, she crouched down and listened for the buzzing of the generator, and heard the faint noise coming from the direction the watchman had come from. She slowly approached the area in which she heard the buzzing.
You’re a bit too wordy and repetitive in your descriptions.
When Beth is talking to the woman, there is a change in her personality. The readers are seeing Beth as a bit rude for the first time and are shocked (at least I was). The girl who has been presented has been a confident, but polite person thus far.
The woman seemed completely worthless. I’m not sure why she was included.
The way the man put ideas into her head and suggested things seems to go against the idea of a test to see what she will do. I would think it would break the rules. (Just saying)
I was expecting there to be some sort of trouble with her testing. Someone trying to kill her. her seeming something that got her blood boiling. I don’t know something, to make it less simple exam like.
Everyone in this world seems to talk exactly the same. Right down to the dear. Real people don’t do that. Do people use slang? Different word choices. Anything.
The oreo seems a little odd to me. Since this is I think a different universe, world, or whatever the use of oreo just pulled me from the story. Wait, Quillron? I thought she was eating ice cream… (if quillron is going to be ice cream put a brief description of it to alert your readers.)
I noticed you don’t really obey normal grammar rules about paragraph breaks, which can be confusing. Try to clean it up some there have been a few times I’ve had to go back and read who is supposed to be talking.
I think you have a decent start here.
Good Luck!