Feel

I step out of the car

And I walk inside my home

Feet dragging

No, I never would have known

That I’m leaving them all

Behind me

But I’m leaving them all

Behind me

And as I shut my bedroom door

And I lean back against it

My eyes are welling up

My hands balling into fists, it

Hurts

To feel a cold and burning tear

Trickle down my cheek

But

I sniffle only once

Exactly once

And

I lean my head back against the wood

The gentle thud inviting my demons

My mood changing like the seasons

But there is no valid reason to

Feel

The way I feel

And my thoughts start pouring out

Just like an overflowing cup

Filled with smooth black liquid

That stains

It stains everything around

And as it overflows it leaves

Blackened streaks

Like blood-stained sheets

The tears that leak

Staining my innocent cheeks

Much like the once clean

Backseat

Of a brand new car

But there’s been a murder inside

A murder of emotions

And now, these emotions play on repeat

Inside my head

I can’t stop this dread

I might as well be dead

‘Cause

There is no promised land

I can’t just fake a happy ending

I can’t just fake a turning point

In which suddenly

The cup still flows

But my thoughts start to slow

No

So I lean my head back against the wood

The gentle thud inviting my demons

My mood changing like the seasons

And there still is no valid reason to

Feel

The way I feel

But I crawl up into bed

The darkness turning all my friends

Into shadows I once knew

But now I can’t see past my nose

And in their darkened clothes

I can’t see them

And they can’t see me

So I sleep another night

And let my nightmares

And my fright

Weaken me

Once more

And when I wake up on the floor

Blood stained and beaten

Guts and gore

Nothing around me

There isn’t a door

There never is

An escape

It takes me longer than normal

To see

That whatever’s in front of me

Is not real

It’s never real

So when I close my eyes and sleep

Another nightmare finding me

I wait it out like I did the last

And in hoping it will pass

I find I’ve made it through the night

Another dark and dreadful

Night

I get up and begin my day

Only to find that in every way

It’s the exact same thing

Always the exact

Same thing

So as I open my bedroom door

And I lean back against it

My eyes are welling up

My hands balling into fists, it

Hurts

To feel a cold and burning tear

Trickle down my cheek

But

I sniffle only once

Exactly once

And

I place one foot over the threshold

The gentle thud inviting my demons

My mood changing like the seasons

But there is no valid reason to

Feel

The way I feel

And as I step back into my car

Turn the key and start the engine

Arms lagging

And this time I know

That I’m leaving it all

Behind me

But for some reason I’m still not happy

That I’m leaving it all

Behind me

And now my thoughts are boxing up

Like water draining from a cup

The smooth black liquid

Receding

It’s left more stains

And it’s left more streaks

That have turned to scars

And all of this is a result of how I

Feel