LIFE IS LINEAR, STOP CLIMBING!

Thoughts on upward mobility...

I’ve had a long and what might be considered ‘interesting’ life. I have also through unintended circumstances been bestowed with the gift of time. All time is a gift, I know. The difference is, I have been relieved of the need to ‘work’ for a living in the sense of having to get up at a precise time each day, give over x amount of hours for pay and then return home mentally and/or physically exhausted to deal with whatever is going on there as well.

It is a blessing. I understand how fortunate I am. I appreciate this gift, despite the awful circumstances which brought it to being.

It allows me certain freedoms; like following through an idea to completion, no matter what the time of day and how long it requires. It also allows for contemplation, time to think, evaluate, question…

Everyone in my immediate family - sons aside, - my extended family through marriages etc., and my circle of friends are on a ladder. An infinite ladder, stretching far beyond the point where the eye can clearly see in either direction.

Some are on very high rungs. Endowed with privilege and wealth, afforded access to limitless possessions. Their lives envied by those below; those below working longer hours to climb higher… higher… aspiring to reach those hallowed upper rungs.

I’ve seen some fall too. Some a rung or two, a few right to their idea of bottom. Curiously, they begin the climb again. And again.

Their lives are spent looking at backsides; every back side looked at in turn, including their own. There’s always someone above, no matter how many rungs they climb. There’s also someone always below, despite the feeling at times that they have been catapulted to the very bottom. The ladder is infinite in either direction.

I got off. Came the point, walking barefoot along the shore one day, when I looked at footsteps left by others walking ahead and away from me, and I asked the question: Could life perhaps be linear instead? A long horizontal line, stretching infinitely in both directions?

I sat for hours on that shore thinking it through; because see, everything I’d believed, everything I’d held true, suddenly became nothing. I stared and stared at those footprints leading off in either direction.

Thoughts crowded; my mind simultaneously open to the new possibility yet also fighting it. If life was linear, then how and why had I wasted all those years on a ladder? What about everyone around me? Was every life climbing those rungs - expecting to arrive some place higher, better - never really fulfilled because those backsides on higher rungs were ever-present?

I compared the two. A ladder only ever allowed up and down movement. A horizontal line presented possibilities… one could meander to the side, follow a smaller path and then re-join the line further along… Like stopping for an ice-cream from a van at the parking lot - because you can - then resuming your walk.

This was either one of those ‘light bulb’ moments or I clearly had too much free time on my hands. I thought and thought. I chose the light bulb in the end.

Family members and friends are always striving for things, see. Better jobs, better pay, better homes, better cars, better gadgets… Newest everythings. I mean I live in the kind of environment where piercing my nose for my fortieth birthday was seen as yet another sign of my continued plummeting. Not a single piercing, tattoo, hair colour other than what they were born with - artificially enhanced of course once time introduced grey ones - and their attire always appropriate for each ‘occasion’.

They work impossibly long hours; their children attend the best private schools and of course engage in all manner of extra-curricular ‘activities’. They are being coached, some already far up the ladder; their parent’s lofty placement affording them the opportunity to leap big chunks of rungs.

Those kids, in their designer clothes and their iPhones, groomed to within an inch of their young lives are destined to climb and climb and climb…

I am the ‘odd’ one now. You know the one you don’t quite know what to do with? I care zilch for cars, fashion trends, upward mobility and ‘fitting in’. I am the one they struggle to place at formal occasions and social gatherings because I refuse to bring the other. They are all paired see, and even if they’re single temporarily, they still bring ‘someone’.

They cannot talk with me. We share nothing in common. We speak a different language and despite the odd words exchanged, they’re always accompanied by a distracted look, a subtle glimpse at their phones, a gaze extended beyond me to someone who speaks their language.

I cannot tell them of my newest promotion, my updated car, my favourite spa, my latest holiday or the 4k 80” TV I recently acquired. I cannot speak of this new designer I discovered or the $400 dollar face cream that guarantees wrinkle reduction… or the chic new restaurant everyone is talking about.

Things… things… things…

When I speak (rarely) of what is really occupying my thoughts, I face vacant stares; I see the glaze descend, I sense they hear but do not ever take in, much less engage. These conversations necessarily cut short and usually by me.

There is a feeling of aloneness, walking horizontally when the rest are climbing vertically. Loneliness surfaces at times too, the need to speak my language with another who speaks the same. Times since, I’ve often followed those footprints in the sand, wanting to find whoever left them, thinking perhaps they might also live linearly…

Since I stepped off the ladder and freed myself of the need to gather, amass, judge worth by dollars in the bank; since I chose this horizontal walking, I’ve meandered off into some amazing side-paths. Perhaps I spend more time off the line than on it these days, but that’s where I find the beauty, the wonder, the fascination, the creativity… Those side-paths do not bring me things; they fill my mind with endless possibilities to ponder on and meander through.

Seen from a distance, the ladder is an infinite stretch of backsides. I can view it as though a game; watching the constant vertical mobility, the climbing, the falling the climbing the falling, the envy of those below, the fear of those above. The smug grins accompanying every newly attained rung, the dismay and trepidation visible when one is overtaken or forced to descend temporarily…

Once in a while, I see someone giving up, walking away. I wonder then if this is the result of losing all hope, withdrawing into the oblivion of depression.

Or if perhaps like me, they realised the ladder is a vertical greed and need obsession, presented as the only ideal by those who benefit from its creation and its continued consumption-driven existence…

Reviews

[. serah .]

-- hmmm... -- this is a very complex train of thought... you are very skilled in writing about complex things in an apparently simple way... or at least that's how i feel after reading three of your posts... -- i left the "ladder" you speak of owing to serious problems in my life... (long story)... and now that i need to and want to 'rehabilitate' myself, i'm going very slow because i want to walk along that 'horizontal line' you've described so vividly... yet i wonder if it's possible for me to return to the corporate world and still not be stranded in the process of climbing the ladder and falling off it... -- so, the question i'm really asking is, that in certain professions, isn't it possible to remain 'enlightened' (the way you've described it) and be a little detached... even in the vicinity of people who are excessively competitive and obsessed with climbing the ladder...? -- for instance, if someone is a general surgeon and he works in a hospital and he's good at what he does, then if people don't obstruct his growth, and he grows to become the senior member of a board in a hospital, does it mean that he has lost his 'enlightenment' especially if he's also a writer...? -- this surgeon i speak of is a friend... and he's not obsessed with acquiring things... -- i used to be a corporate trainer (mainly communication skills) and i'm thinking about whether or not it's possible for me to work full-time and still write and experience life the way i do when i'm nowhere near the ladder... -- in short, i'm wondering if it's possible to be a productive part of society without being addicted to the idea of gathering more and more material things... and interacting with writers on a site like this... or with artists in the real world... -- is there a balanced space/zone in the vicinity of ladders or is it always a choice between black and white...? -- would love to know your thoughts...

[Elise Anton]

Interesting questions you pose. The theory that once you're on the ladder you are compelled to climb and are always at risk of 'being climbed over/left behind' or 'falling', such as you described... I have a very dear friend who fell off so to speak. From Corporate stardom to homelessness and borrowing money from me to feed his kids. It can happen so suddenly! He was one of those types who had to have the best/newest of everything. He's on the way back now, different direction, away from the corporate world and pursuing a dream he'd had no time to pursue before. Interestingly, his focus has shifted away from amassing things and turned more towards interracting with people - despite his financial success. So yes, perhaps there is a balance.
My brother is at the pinnacle of his chosen profession, and he is fortunate in that it is the thing he loves. What I find however is that expectations are heaped on him as a result. He has to attend things, be seen at places, be dressed appropriately and always present faultless. His public image dictates to a large extent how he lives his life. There is a price to pay, even doing the thing you most love...
I was in hospital yesterday and saw one of those bow-tie wearing professors... He carried such an air of superiority it turned my stomach. He did not look at me or offer a greeting, his gaze held above, unseeing...

Three different example of how the ladder affects people.
I guess in the end it comes down to YOU. The answer you seek is inside you, and short of sounding like a fortune cookie cliche, I believe every one of us is capable of finding that balance you speak of. Nothing is ever black and white. The most interesting moments in time are found in the grey areas in-between...

[. serah .]

-- thanks a million for your enlightening response... you give me much food for thought as well as the independence to take the final decision... and i think i'll be more open to making mistakes as well and not get bogged down if i go back to the corporate world and it doesn't work out... thank you again... i feel empowered...

[Elise Anton]

No thanking me. You knew it all along, I read between your lines. You simply needed to hear it voiced. I wish you every success!!!

[. serah .]

-- well... thank you for reading between the lines and articulating what i wasn't able to articulate... i read your words and spontaneously wrote every thought/question that came to mind... and i did need your empowering response... i'm feeling light after ages... :)

[Elise Anton]

I am humbled, really. I've been in some very dark places myself... It's when I understood everything I sought was already inside me.

[. serah .]

-- i can tell you know those dark places... and it's a relief for me to know someone who has triumphed over the effect of those dark places...

[Samuel Dickens]

I've heard the ladder analogy used before, but not quite in this way. Usually, I think of a river, carrying everyone along while I swim to the side, or maybe take an offshoot stream. Never can I travel with the masses, for I'm not like them. In many ways, it seems you and I are the same. Perhaps there are many of us, relatively speaking, but I know there are many more of the other. You're writing is outstanding, and I very much enjoyed reading this.

[Elise Anton]

Thank you so much! I like the river analogy! It is also comforting to know there are others swimming to the side or walking down side paths. Very hard to spot in real life unfortunately, and I say this because there would be great conversations to be had if one were to find someone similarly ignoring the mass movement! Much appreciated.

[Samuel Dickens]

You're right. Maybe if we all wore turtlenecks? (I'm being silly)

[Elise Anton]

Haha... Son thinks I should tattoo my forehead: "Danger, mind inside." That way most people stay away and I am not 'preaching' or spouting 'life-lessons' as he calls them, and those few who 'understand' approach.

[Stefano Segnan]

Since I can claim to be in a similar situation, because I have no one with whom I could talk topics like this, I am compelled to answer this, more so than reviewing.
To me it seems that the problem here are not the people and their earthly wants, but rather the fact that even though you can understand them, they do not understand you. Sure, all those thing sound boring, as they do for me, and you are sick and tired to listen to them or talk about it. But you can understand that it makes them momentarily happy, or that all these things are acquired just to deceive themselves. These guys on the ladder, even if it has become an alien activity beyond your understanding, you can at least sense their wants and frustrations, their thoughts, the essence. However, none of them can sense yours.
That is at least, how I feel about it.

[Elise Anton]

It's great, I was hoping you would respond. I was trying to show the futility of being caught up in a system of manufactured consumerism. They cannot see it, and sure it makes me sound like some enlightened creature, judging them. Like its their fault. The ups and downs of the ladder, especially when they are repeated by the children sure, they bother me. Who am I though to say they should get off, right? It does hurt me to see them missing out on so much despite all of their things... This poem was inspired by my nephew. We were in Sydney a couple of months ago and my boys didn't want to stay at the large hotel my brother and his family were staying at. My two wanted to stay at a youth hostel, to meet other young tourists from around the world. They asked their cousin to come stay with us. He turned his nose up and said "Nuh, give me a suite, a large bed and a big TV any day... We had a fantastic time at the hostel, mixing with Dutch and Italian and French young people among others. Great conversations. They went surfing and hiking with them... When they tried to describe it to their cousin afterwards, he didn't want to know about it. It upset them how he was not open to new experiences, just following his parents...

[Stefano Segnan]

It is true that the obsession for material pleasures is increasing by the day. I had a similar story with some friends of mine, when I invited them to spend a weekend in the mountains with me. The replay was:"Sleep in the forest? Like a savage?". Well, I cannot blame them if they enjoy cacophonous clubs and vomiting, and I prefer to gaze the galaxy and learn the mythology behind stars and constellations. Being a human, I would always like to share my experience with someone but most of the times that is impossible. But fortunately we have the Internet (: