A Quarter of a Century

It took me a quarter of a century to learn, that 12 is old enough to know better. That selective memories are defense mechanisms, and that it takes unspoken words to turn your best friend into your greatest enemy. 

It took me a quarter of a century to understand that it takes a mother, to make a mother. That a tango doesn't always take two , when you're dealing with star crossed lovers, and that each new lesson with me more of a burden that the last.  That what makes your future, doesn't always have to be your past. 

Twenty five years later, I've found that real meaning behind over used cliches like " there's a thin line between love and hate." I've learned that some faces never fade away, and that love isn't always a blessing..but a twilight shade that will linger around long enough just to keep you guessing. 

It took me a quarter of century to understand that monsters were more real, than any child hood imagination could ever conjurer. It took me this long to realize 12 is old enough to know better. 

I had to learn that a tender hug, and warmth, and a wavering scent, wasn't enough to leave a mark, but I don't want to leave a mark. 

I want to leave a wound , etched deep within your heart. 

It took me a quarter of a century to understand , that there was a such thing as family, and friend.  That it takes more than a bright florescent smile to make a man, and that sometimes love is disguised as a box of stale hello kitty cookies he purchased with his very last.  I'm still learning how to overcome the past. 

It took me a quarter of a century to understand that lies  have domino effects that can follow us deep into the crevices of graves, that sometimes you can help, sometimes you can make a difference, but sometimes you just need to know how to walk away. 

a quarter of a century, to realize what I had spent decades searching for was so close to my grasps, that yes, yes 12 is old enough to know better.  A quarter of a century to understand how to not to scratch the journey I have been through like a map across your skin. I'm still learning how to forgive. 

A quarter of a century to learn how to trust, to learn that not every word that hisses in my mind is full of venom. That being an egg shell bandit  laid at your feet, laying them down like land minds just to watch you dance is sin. That I have to show you with every fiber of my being, in every action in my mind, with every word in my rhymes, how I feel. ..... I'm still learning how to heal. 

A quarter of a century to understand that the cards we are dealt aren't always just what is in our hands. twenty five years to learn that regret is a painful, unforgiving, undiscriminating lesson.  That a touch, a kind gesture, a act can be a unmeasured blessing. 

It took a quarter of a century to learn not to be so gullible, that only walls made of Iron clad steel , and strong resolve could protect me, twenty five years, to understand that the path to hell is paved with good intentions, to stop learning how to fight, and start learning how to live. ...... I'm still learning to forgive. 

A quarter of a century to learn that a man could wipe away a quarter of a century of lies, ... a quarter of a century of being spit on, used, abused and left for dead. A quarter of a century of learning how not to feel. ...... I'm still learning how to heal. 

A quarter of century to learn that 12 is old enough to know better, that selective memories are defense mechanisms, and that love is sometimes disguised as a box of stale hello kitty cookies. 

Reviews

[Ballpark Frank]

These are amazing revelations here. You have learned much! Good for you. I enjoyed reading this. I'm happy to have read something of such good quality right away this morning. Well done!

[Don't just B, but B ama..]

WOW, an amazing journey on awakening from an unhealthy love, yet still bouncing in fond memories, mixed with the bad. Very descriptive and very touching. Thanks for sharing, STAY STRONG and Merry Christmas & Happy New Year from KY.

[sidneywhitted]

This is BEAUTIFUL! The repetition has a resoundinf affect within your poem, and your points are well written and stick with the reader. Gorgeous.