I'll Learn One Day

A Poem about domestic violence, and childhood trauma.

I cannot believe those four words escaped from my lips

"I'll learn one day."

How often did I hear my best friend say that s**t?

Every time my brother beat her and took her money? Every time I asked her why she stayed?

She would turn to me with tearful eyes and say "I'm sorry  Ellie, I'll learn one day."

Every time she would stand over me to block his attacks,

while I saw the bruises arrange on her back, every time I could think of nothing but to run away.

  She'd offer those four words up to me and say "I'll learn one day."

Every time I would have to call the police,

 and every time I'd wipe the tears from her cheeks,

while I would wait in the bathroom saying to myself when I am older that won't be me,

no one will ever raise their hands again once I am free. 

Id wrap my arms around her and in vein I would pray, that she would stop this madness and escape...

and I would sit there and talk her into it, but all she could say was "Ill learn one day."

We were trapped in the world together where home was hell,

where nothing but the weight of his tyranny fell

and I'm stuck here because the devil you know is better than the one you don't

and if it's going to be this way id rather his hands around my throat.

Then to sit in the home of a foster parent I don't even know.

When I asked her if this is what she thought was really love

Being beat on and pushed and shoved?

Did she  really love him so much that she thought this was okay?

She just cried in the bathroom over a bottle of pills and said "I'll learn one day."

Now the teachers at school are asking me about the bruises

and Im racking my head , making up excuses.

I got them from spinning my rifle, or from playing blow from blow

any lie I can tell to keep them from whats going on at home.

and I can't tell anyone about any of these things

who would believe me? This s**t just don't happen in Sandy Springs.

but I keep wondering with resentment if she will ever have the strength to leave.

How long will I have to help her clean up the vomit of pills in the sink?

Every time she attempts to take her life and I ask her why she stays

I get that hollow reply "I'm sorry  Ellie, I'll learn one day."

I'm getting more resentful and I want to call her stupid.

what kind of woman would allow a man to do this?

This isn't love and shes fooling herself,

but I cant do anything for her, shes the one who has to get help.

She tells me she cant leave him, he needs her.

but all the need in the world, isn't stopping him from beating her.

She tells me its so different when their behind closed doors,

but that doesn't change the fact I'm wiping up blood of the floors.

she tells me she cant leave , cause where can she go?

and I know I cant leave either, cause I'm not leaving her alone.

and my thoughts are turning towards homicide against my own brother,

how could he do this to someone I consider to be like a mother?

and i feel helpless, I cant protect her , after all I'm just a child.

and all I ever wanted for her was just to see her smile.

but no matter how long I sit down, and beg and plead and pray.

The only thing I receive are those four words "I'll learn one day."

Reviews

[J Johnson III]

Rough story. That sounds horrible. I think it is written very well though and even though it is a bad subject I am drawn to it. You are a good writer, keep writing.