To Those That I have Loved Part I

A poem to three different people, who left my life for three different reasons.

I don't think anyone has ever asked me how many tears I have cried.
I don't think anyone cares just how many steps I watched people take out of my life,    
and there are so many things that I never got the chance to say.
Like just what do I have to do, to beg you to stay?
and just what did I do that made you treat me this way?
and what about all that talk you gave of letting go of the past and dreaming of better days? 
and I just don't understand why you thought this was okay?!
and what about ever thing that we went through together?
and how much did you really love me when you couldn't respond to one letter?
and why was I the only one who wasn't okay with bonds being severed?
am I the only one who wanted us to stay together forever?
and I know that you may think you're justified.
After all I don't know how many steps you took, or how many tears you cried.
or the nights spent alone with silent sobs or tearful sighs.
or how long you searched for answers that you would never find.
All I know is how many nights I heard the pitter patter of tear drops hitting my pillow
and how I longed to hear your voice, whisper a soft sweet "hello."
and of the hiking trails I prayed would lead me back to you,
and for a small glimpse or indication that you loved me too.
but all I ever received were hateful words and bitter stares.
small token reminders of how you never really cared.
and how I've always been a T-shirt to be passed around and be used.
Or an passive scapegoat , so easily abused.
All I know is how someone, or something was always more important than me.
and being stuck in an ongoing wave of never ending grief.
and how there's a hole in my heart, and its hard to breathe,
and how I wake up friends and family in the night with high pitched screams.
and I I've learned was lessons I found out weren't really true.
and all I've received was lies that came from you.
and all I have done was sat in anger and brewed.
over all of my wrongs and everything you ever put me through.
and I cannot for the life of me figure out why I still love you.
am I just subseptable to lies , tourment, and abuse?
and now you tell me you want a fresh start, you're sorry and you wanna start over new.
But tell me , where were you when I needed you?!!
or you tell me being friends is what you've been trying to do.
but when I give you the chance you go back to being the same a*****e I always knew!
but why should I give you a second chance when it wasn't given to me?
why should I let you be first, when I came fourth to sex, money, and greed?
and why should I ever allow you to forget your past?
When I had to put up with you doing drugs, and slinging dope for cash?
all I've known is I've always tried to take the higher road
to tell you its okay, I forgive you , and let it go.
but never once has a ounce of remorse been showed.
no one has ever said they were sorry for the path that they choose.
and no matter how much I begged and cried and plead,
or told everyone that you would be back for me.
my words fell on deaf ears and hateful glares
when all I ever wanted was just a tiny indication that you cared.
this family blood feud and unacquainted love affair just refuses to relent.
and I wish I could forget the people, for whom these words are meant.
but I am reminded of you ever time I look upon my face
or I am remind of you any time I fall back into my mind and remember the old days
I am reminded of you when mist falls over haze.
I am reminded of mocha skin and a piercing gaze.