Apologies; I'm late for work!

a very silly piece

Dear The Big Bog,
I am sorry to tell you that just before I started work this morning my head, in an unusual bid for freedom, dropped off. As you can imagine, this put me in a state of shock. I did look for it, which is a good trick with no eyes, but couldn't see anything. After finding it scratching about by the front door, I then realised I had no thread left after darning my children to their seats! Furiously, I stuck my renegade head under my left arm and headed towards town. Despite many screams; and suggestions that I come back at Midsummers eve; I figured I was doing well until one scream became louder and louder and turned into a police siren. Next thing, someones hand clamped on my shoulder and a deep voice said 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello what 'ave we 'ere?'
Well, I jumped a mile and, while doing a somersault over Saturn figured that what goes up must come down. It's not a false prophesy. The policeman was squished flat; and it was then I thought about going on a diet. Still, with no mouth attatched to your neck what can you do?
My head had been unusually still for some time; now it made a sudden and furious wrench to get out of my arms. I held on, but it dragged me across a busy road and into the nearest shop. I know it's not usual to see a grown woman being dragged across the M6 by an escaping head, so I'd like to apologise to anyone hurt in the pile-up. And that's when I realised. My head had pulled me straight into the hairdressers and was casually rubbing itself against the V05 making funny little crooning noises. It was in love!! It was so happy, I even managed to sew it back on my body with the nearest available stringy object.
Please believe I am repentant about being late for work this morning; but also, when you shake me by the shoulders and tell me to get my act together, don't be surprised if my head flies towards you and smacks you in the face. I had to sew it on with my bra elastic.
yours Faithfully
Elf xxx

Reviews

[emmajoy]

This is crazy wonderful and I've laughed all the way through .. as to the ending: 'don't be surprised if my head flies towards you and smacks you in the face. I had to sew it on with my bra elastic.' What an original thought, phrase and so easily imagined.

Of course, being a Brit, I enjoy your references to the M6 and all that .. but your writing really does have international appeal. Cafe folk will really enjoy and appreciate it .

[Emily Quinn]

i love this; its very creative and different in a "sick sense of humour" way, thanks for the laugh because I definitely did have a good chuckle :)