Poisonous Darkness (2)

A Story by elenaluisa

Extended version of Poisonous Darkness

Poisonous darkness slips silently through my mind; cold, sinful hands reach down, deep into the isolated depths of my insecurities. Fearful hands suffocate each and every thought of happiness and, with a smothering touch, aim to destroy every flickering light of hope. My lifeless eyes cry the fatal tears of loneliness as my dying heart and defeated soul tear themselves in two. Fractured images, glimpses of the things that have been, surround my damaged thoughts and almost offer to take away the dreadful pain. But as my ruined hand of hope reaches out in desperation towards the almost rewarding destination of ending my life, the promising chance slips through my weakened fingers, forcing me in further: further into the depths of my own, ever darkening, thoughts.

My fragmented soul of desperation longs for the feeling of safety and understanding. I wait in the cold, harsh, gales of emotion for the chance to be free again. Free of my drowning emotions that provide no hope.

Each day I sink further into the icy depths of my ruined life. I struggle to keep afloat. My mind screams, "Why can't you see me? Why aren't you helping me? I'm going to die!" You hear me, but you walk away. You want me to die. I know you want me to suffer. But you are the only reason that I am still alive. The only reason I am not yet gone. You are the reason that I still breathe and yet, you don't want me.

The darkest hours are those when all others are asleep. My mind will wander into the forgotten depths of the unknown, collecting memories and feelings but never returning with anything but sadness. The emptiness inside me will only ever be comforted by darkness and the loneliness inside me.

Sometimes I wish for someone to love me. Other times I don't want anybody. I've pushed everyone away so far that I don't think I will ever reach them again. Well, everyone except you.

You are there. Not for me: for yourself. And still, you keep me alive. The small flame that dances in your chest is the flickering light of hope that keeps me on this unforgiving earth. Nothing is ever permanent but this flame has burnt ever since I met you. In my thoughts of loneliness I often wonder if you can feel the burning flame. Do you know it is there? Is that what keeps you here?

My life has not been long. And I don't know how much longer it will be. But, for as long as your flame burns, I will not drown. I will patiently wait and my own sinful hands will not kill me.