Child

I censor myself

to seem more innocent.

When a song is playing,

I pause before they swear

as if god would damn me

for saying it.

I scan the room with curiosity

batting eyelashes

like the child I once was.

Waiting to spew the gasps and the "ooo"s

to anyone who tried to take my innocence,

who tried to take from me,

the child I never got to be.

They said in order to get something back

you have to tell yourself "I have that,"

and your mind will write it off as a fact.

So I'll tie my hair up with ribbons,

my brown skin will stand vivid

against my light dress

and all the words ever said to me

will be about my stunning beauty

because the crayons with tones

in dark shades will have been sharpened more often 

than the peach ones.

I'll finally play

in sandboxes and mud,

and make my toys go on adventures

in waste bins for fun,

because the dirty things

will be less symbolic for me

and all the hands that ever touched me

would only be from those who truly loved me.

I spend my nights

replacing memories with new sights

rehearsing replies to what might be asked of me.

because it's easier to recall

your fantasies and stories 

than searching your mind

for the child you once were,

the child you never got to be.

Reviews

[ksscampos]

Standing ovation. the last 3 lines were deeply impactful. great write, hope to read more of your stuff

[P.S.]

Holy Moly Mariyah. Love both the flow of the poem and the message. "The child you once were, the child you never got to be" I found it to be powerful in a delicate way.