It was Raining

It was raining, pieces

of            s  

     k   

       y(descendi

ing) dangling

                from the tips

of trees

we(we)re

teenagersrunningtogether

kissing

in the rain, warm breath

lips to lips

you (we)re,

alive then.

 

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

There is an obvious nod to cummings here, but it is not simply just a matter of throwing some wanna-be literary device to the wall and hoping it sticks. Like cummings at his best, the construction and the content work hand-in-hand here; "teenagersrunningtogether" creates the impression of carefree youth, and the use of "we(re)" emphasizes how past and present can easily intermingle in the mind and how powerful and intense memory can be. This is well-conceived and well-executed work.

[misskara]

this is amazing!! the words - the structure - and the

we(we)re - !!!

I wish i had invented that! this says so much in so few words - it is so heartfelt, so emotional - so descriptive - i can feel it. the "we" the "were" - the way you made them one makes me jealous! i absolutely love this. i think you did an unbelievable job of transforming words into images into emotions, into reality. phenom.