Chapter Two

01 June 2119

I didn’t sleep well last night. Mostly due to weird dreams I had during the night. I can’t remember specific details. However, I do remember using a gun in one of them. The context is very blurry. I don’t know why I had a gun or why I was using it…

Every time I pick up a gun, I remember my Papa’s words. He believes that guns aren’t inherently bad, they don’t actually hurt anyone. Humans simply label things as good or bad, to help make sense of the world around them. Humans terrifyingly powerful creatures that can change the weight of any concept with just a simple snap of a finger.

I think I’m starting to understand him a little. I still zone out during his lectures though. But if objects aren’t inherently good or bad, then what about humans? What are we? Are we just a bunch of complicated beings constantly making mistakes? Why do we label things? What’s the point?

Kira straightened, her golden-brown shoulders jolting as she took a deep breath. It wasn’t typical of her to process such deep philosophical questions so early in the morning. Her head was starting to pound. The stress of classes and the increased responsibilities of Cadet Corporal certainly didn’t help either. Freedom Military Academy was not merciful. 

She adjusted her posture, cracking her neck before continuing her record keeping: Philosophy aside, formation ended earlier than usual today. The Lieutenant was distracted, incredibly sloppy with his orders. He was jittery with his shifty green eyes. This is concerning. The Lieutenant is always so tactical and perfectionistic, he never misses a single detail or makes any mistakes.

 

Kira tucked a loose strand of jet-black hair behind her ear, not realizing that she had slipped into her pen-biting habit. Why haven’t I been informed of anything? As president of the second-class Cadets, and Cadet Corporal, she would have hoped to be one of the first to know if anything out of the ordinary were happened. She hated not being a part of the inner circle. Just because she was a Cadet didn’t mean she was insignificant. It was lower among the ranks, but this was her academy too. It was frustrating having to depend on others. And how could she be expected to handle her duties if no one bothers to communicate to her?

The bed groaned underneath. A ray of light creeped down through the window behind her, bits of dust dancing mystically like fairies. She scrunched her nose while scribbling intently, finishing her last thoughts in her brown leather journal. It was almost 08:00. First period would start soon. Just as she fastened it tight, a singsong tone called her name. “Pajari!”

Sunny stood at the far end of the barracks, leaning against the doorframe. His wavy black hair was unkempt as usual. He’s always been bad at tending to it. His navy jacket was slung over his shoulder, hand in his pocket. Even from this distance, she could see the amusement dancing in his dark brown eyes.

She smirked, briskly standing and pausing to salute. “Sergeant.”

“At ease cadet, no need for formalities.” He nodded in her direction. “Come on, classes are starting up.”

She marched his direction with hands behind her back. “First class is just more Russian lessons. Like I need any more of those. I’m practically fluent by now.”

“Your confidence never ceases to sway me.” He grinned as he moved and embraced her tenderly. She nearly stiffened up but resisted the urge. “Did you sleep okay?”

"Eh, it could’ve been better.” Sunny pulled back to look at her. His arms were still wrapped around her waist. It was a weird sensation to get used to. She wanted to pull away as her eyes glanced around the room. No one was close by, but it was better to be on the safe side. “Still having those weird nightmares. Last night was more intense than usual. I don’t understand why I keep having them.” Kira’s nose twisted in frustration.

Sunny had leaned forward, but Kira pulled away. “Sunny please, not right now.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t really feel comfortable…”

“There’s no one around.”

“We have class.”

“You just mentioned not wanting to go to class.” Silence. “What so I’m not allowed to kiss my girlfriend on the forehead?”

Kira shushed him. “Someone could hear you.”

His arms fell away entirely. “What do you mean?”

“You do realize that no one else knows about us…”

Sunny furrowed his brow. “Why can’t we just say something? It’d be a lot easier if it were out in the open. I hate having to hide it all the time.” He frowned.

“With you being Sergeant and me as Corporal, it would look a little suspicious if people discovered that we were together. People would get the wrong idea.”

“What, that we’re together, together?” He rubbed his neck and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t want to have to be so exclusive. I want to be able to do regular things that a couple does without having to be on the lookout for anyone that might see us. No secrets, you know?”

“Sunny…” Kira sighed. A small pain formed in her chest.  “People might be inclined to believe that it would interfere with our duties. Prevent us from properly getting the work done that we need.”

“But it doesn’t. It won’t.”

“Not everyone else will think that.”

He sighed, ruffling his hair. 

Kira looked at her feet. “I just… I don’t know if I’m ready for it just yet. I think I need more time.”

“Hey, we’ve talked about this.” The frown on his face deepened. “I thought we agreed we’d give this a try.”

“I did. We are.”

“Then why does it always feel like you’re making excuses? Like you don’t want to commit?”

Kira felt her anger begin to rise, her honey eyes intensifying. “I’m not making excuses, Sunny. But we still have responsibilities. Those come first. Our relationship shouldn’t be interfering with them.”

Sunny was about to speak but sighed instead. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought this up. This isn’t a great start to the day.” He ruffled his hair with eyes cast downward. 

She stopped and took a breath. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have gotten so worked up.” Her cheeks burned as she turned aside. Quickly she stood on her toes and pecked him on the cheek before brushing past him out the door. “Move your feet, Cho. I’m sure Yvie’s wondering where we are.”

Kira didn’t have to see his face to know he was beaming and giddy, a big smirk on his face. “On it, Pajari.”

----- ♠️ -----

Classes moved slower than usual. Kira was excelling in her Russian and Korean as usual, but fortunately for her, the instructor deliberately challenges the students on a regular basis. Her new class on different types and classes of weaponry was exciting. She was particularly fond of chemical warfare, appreciating the wide variety of options. Nuclear though seemed a bit too intense, even for her.

Kira quickly moved into her routine, swiftly from one place to the next. After her two language classes was History. The instructor lectured endlessly about the Great War. She muttered to herself. This was pointless to her; she’d learned about the war millions of times. He must’ve been reviewing because the anniversary of the beginning of the war was approaching in a few weeks. His voice was like muffled cotton as she doodled in her journal, unaware of her surroundings. She was fond of flowers, particularly dandelions. Her thin pencil rubbed vigorously against her lined paper as she focused intently on a detailed bouquet. 

“Pajari!”

Her finger paused, head snapping up to see her instructor. His piercing blue eyes were staring daggers. “Up on cloud nine are we, Cadet?”

“No sir.”

“Okay then. Tell me, what triggered the third world war?”

“It was in 2100, when Russia and North Korea bombed the United States. It’s considered one of the worst bombings in American history.”

His eyebrow arched. “Alright. What cities were bombed during that year?”

“New York, San Francisco and Washington D.C were victims of the assault, sir.”

Snickers filled the room, but Kira paid no mind. This was common knowledge. Why should she have to pay attention to the same material she’s learned year after year?

The instructor’s eyes grew wide. “And what the hell is so funny to the rest of you?” They quieted, not wanting to suffer the same fate as Kira. He looked back to her. “Alright, smartass. 10 years later, 2110. What happened?”

“Combined armed forces from Russia and North Korea invaded the United States. The President and Vice President were killed. Bombs were triggered in the local D.C. area. Everyone left in the White House was either killed for noncompliance or taken as a prisoner of war. The government was completely overthrown.”

He scowled. “Alright. Then what?”

“What do you mean?”

The instructor crossed his arms behind him. “What happened to the U.S. afterwards, Cadet?”

“Well, it’s no longer referred to as the United States of America. It’s now been founded under a new name, Newfound Russian Federation, or NRF for short.” Kira smirked. If his goal had been to embarrass her, he failed miserably. “Since then, there’s a huge divide between Americans and Non-Americans, which is determined by natural and legal citizenship. Americans live in perpetual fear of prejudice and discrimination, having to succumb to strict obedience and a now communist nation. Each republic, or “state” per the original term, is subjected to the same civil rules fashioned by the NRF federal government.”

Kira leaned back. The instructor unfolded his arms from behind. “You think you’re so smart, huh?”

“But was I correct, sir?”

He grunted and turned back to the chalkboard. “Just stop daydreaming, Pajari.”

The day picked up the pace after History. She finished off her day in the worst class possible: calculus. Kira hated math with a passion. She was grateful that she was at least a quick learner, but that didn’t make it any easier to bear through. As usual, the lovely Isa was a complete know-it-all. When she curled her lips, and pointed her nose upwards, you knew that Isa had the answer. She always had something to say. It didn’t help that the girl was extremely proficient in mathematics. Top of the class in fact. 

Kira snarled to herself, letting her emotions get the best of her and getting distracted from the class material on anti-derivatives. The instructor snapped her out of her spell, criticizing and humiliating her in front of the class. Her cheeks burned furiously as her fists clenched. The entire class started to giggle. This infuriated the teacher and he threatened the class itself. In the midst of the silence, Isa smugly answered his previous question. He grumpily returned back to the chalkboard. In Kira’s peripheral, she could see Isa smiling, the beauty mark on her cheek playing at her. Smartass. 

When she was relieved of the pain of calculus, Kira moved on to her favorite part of the day. Finally. Most people generally hated physical training, but she absolutely loved PT. It gave her the chance to relieve all her stress and frustration, take it all out on something that didn’t matter. Punching bags and dummies don’t feel anything. They’re completely lifeless. There were no consequences if you hurt them. No screaming or crying or begging. It liberated her. She didn’t have to waste time talking with words. Her body naturally did it all for her.

The freshly painted yellow walls of the gymnasium filled her with a new burst of energy as light beamed through the transparent windows. Dusty blue mats were scattered on the floor with various punching bags, gloves, reflex bags and dummies. 

“Pajari!”

Mister Kozlov shouted from the other side as Kira applied a thick hand wrap. His heavy frame lumbered her direction, sweat trickling down his sunburnt forehead. Summer in Nevada republic will do that. She finished wrapping the athletic tape, vaguely glancing in his direction. “Yes, Mister Kozlov?”

He cursed under his breath; some Russian slur Kira couldn’t make out. Probably about the severe heat. “We’re practicing drills.”

“I know, sir.”

“Hm. You gettin’ smart with me?” He jabbed a finger against her shoulder.

Kira resisted the urge to rub her shoulder. “You said yesterday that we’d be practicing drills sir.” Finished with wrapping, she cracked her knuckles. She bounced on the soles of her feet while jabbing the air repeatedly. 

He mumbled. “Yeah well… just get to it.” He firmly clapped her shoulder and went back to his chair on the other side of the gym.

Finally. She approached a vacant dummy. Its dead eyes stared into her. She hated that. Her hand swiftly struck it across the side of its head. It rattled for a moment, then steadied. She smirked, moving into a fighting stance without hesitation. Her left hand was ready to pounce, her right in a defensive position. Her bare feet danced like lightning; a natural sequence implanted in her mind.

Kira floated on the mat, dodging back and forth. Two jabs then a hook. Its head bobbled. Roundhouse, then spin. She twirled. Back fist, palm strike. The dummy frowned in disapproval. Who wouldn’t? Its existence was meaningless. The only purpose it served was to be beaten on. A toy for man’s sadistic pleasure. Kira scowled, sweat dripping down her sideburns. Her black ponytail bounced from her quick movements. Front kick, then hook it. 

The world around her faded. Nobody else but her and the dummy. Its beige appearance was crumbling, the white foam underneath peeking out. It was insulting her, like she was nothing. Kira’s nose flared. Whispers rang in her ear, unintelligible in a crude cacophony of sound. Like the white noise of a TV. 

She grunted, jabbing the dummy over and over. Shut up. 

Kira wasn’t thinking clearly. Instead of planning out her next move, she impulsively punched, kicked, even scratched. Savagely. 

Shut up!

“Zatknis’!” She spun on her heel and kicked. Her foot stung as the dummy fell with a loud thud. Her chest heaved; gray tank top soaked in sweat. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her, but she didn’t care. Water. Turning, she couldn’t help but notice Sunny in the far corner of the gym. He had paused mid-punch on a speed bag to stare at her, clearly concerned.

“Pajari!” Kozlov stayed planted in his spot. “Take a walk, man'yak.” A maniac, huh? Kira scoffed. She grabbed her water bottle next to the fallen dummy before heading for the door. Her foot throbbed from that final kick, but she walked it off, hiding her otherwise apparent pain. The cool metal of the door eased her back as she pushed it open, slipping outside into the burning sunlight. 

Kira stopped at the foot of a skinny tree. The deeply brown bark had faded, decorated with indentations and signatures from several people who had more than likely been bored. The tree’s branches reached high to the heavens, the evergreen leaves like puffballs sitting on the end of each thick branch. The “Joshua tree” was favorited in the academy. Kira preferred to call it a yucca palm, but it hadn’t caught on.  

A soft voice caught her off guard as she planted herself against the tree. “Kira?”

A slender figure slinked from the back entrance of the gym. Her tall figure tiptoed forward; a white t-shirt was draped over her body like a large blanket.

She stopped for a moment, her large doe eyes like glittering topaz. “Oh, sorry! Didn’t meant to startle you, uh, Pajari.”

Kira swatted. “No need for the formalities Yvie.” 

The girl smiled shyly, taking a spot next to her in the tree’s shade. “You hurt yourself again?”

“I’ll be fine.” Kira took a long sip of her water. “I just need to walk it off.”

“So just ignore it like usual?”

Kira frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Yvie took apart the pins holding up her hair, falling like mud in a landslide. “You always hurt yourself during PT. And then you ignore it, and then it proceeds to get worse.” She continued to fix her hair back up into a bun. “It’s a vicious cycle.”

Silence passed for a minute or so. Kira playfully jabbed her. “It’s not anything serious. And I don’t always just ignore it.”

“Yes, you do. Everyone knows you always get way too into PT.” She grinned. “Remember that one time you dislocated your shoulder and wore a sling for a few weeks? Then we got that new recruit who bet he could take you down in three hits.”

Kira chuckled, recalling that fight. “And I managed to get him down in two.”

“And you re-dislocated your shoulder.” They laughed, clutching their stomachs with wide grins. “You’re on a whole other level Kira.”

“Yeah well, takes practice.”

“Some intense practice if you ask me.”

“It’s the only way to get better, get stronger.”

“I suppose so. But you’re like a war machine. Always going at it, no matter what. You hardly take breaks and you keep on pushing. And you don’t care what anyone else thinks. It’s incredibly terrifying.”

“You’re making me sound like heartless robot, Myung.” Yvie snickered. Kira leaned against the tree and took a deep breath, holding her hand up to the sky. “I don’t see how that’s always a bad thing. That’s what makes me a good fighter. We have to be.”

“I guess…” She scrunched her nose in thought, as she looked up to the sky. “That’s just not how I really see it.”

“At the end of the day, it’s all about survival.”

“I’m not sure it is. I think there’s a lot more to it.”

“Like what?” Kira let her arm drop. 

“I don’t know. I just don’t think survival is the only thing that matters when it comes to being a soldier.” Yvie adjusted and settled her head on Kira’s shoulder. “It’s a gray area, if you ask me.”

Kira mumbled. “I suppose.” As they quieted themselves, the low hum of cicadas drowned out the busyness of the field with a melody. The sun danced high in the deep blue expanse, beating down mercilessly. It must’ve been around mid-afternoon. Wind picked up the cracked dirt, whisking it away to newfound places. One of these many signatures belonged to Kira and Yvie. The familiarity of a vanilla scent enveloping her body as brown hair tickled Kira’s chin. Whether it was boredom during free time or late at night before lights out. The two of them had claimed this tree as their own, despite how many others had also done the same. Yvie fiddled with Kira’s right hand. That habit of hers used to drive her crazy, but she’s gotten used to it by now. 

----- ♠️ -----

“You’ll be fine, but I’ll give you an ankle brace to wear just in case. And you should ice it too.” The nurse stood up from her stool and headed to the far back of the infirmary to an enormous closet. Next to it was a door that led to the operating room. Kira had only been in there once, when she got a bullet stuck in her calf. They had to rush and get her in so that they could get the bullet out properly, along with any other remains. Hurt like hell.

Kira adjusted the flimsy pillow behind her back, leaning against the wall. 20 white beds lined up on both sides of the room. A nightstand was to her left with an ice pack and some towels. The nurse shuffled through the closet’s interior, clanging jars and shifting packages. Kira was the only one there. The silence was nice. Relaxing.

“Where…?” The nurse cursed under her breath. “Glupyy!”

Because calling it stupid will help. She sighed. “You need any help?”

“No! You stay. It’s maybe in here.” With that, she disappeared into the operating room. 

Kira twiddled her fingers. She hated sitting still for long. It was better for her to be up and moving about. 

She swung her legs to the right side of the bed. Just as she was about to jump to her feet, that singsong voice called out. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Ugh. You always show up at the wrong times, Sunny.”

“Don’t you mean the right times?” He gently closed the door. His feet dragged along the floor as he sat by her side, reaching for her hand. Kira noticeably hesitated, but accepted it nonetheless. “You doing okay?”

“It’s just a sprained ankle, Sunny. I’ll survive.” She smirked.

“You know that’s not what I mean.” Kira didn’t speak. “You have a lot on your mind, huh?”

She pursed her lips. “Just been thinking a lot about things my Papa has told me. I can’t stop coming back to it. Sunny was silent with an impending stare. “What’s with the look?”

“Maybe talking to someone might help?”

“Why the hell would I need to? I’m fine, Sunny.”

“It doesn’t hurt Kira. Maybe just one time�"” 

“No, Sunny!”

The thought of seeing the military psychologist was absurd to her. What could they possibly do? Talk to them to solve her problems? She didn’t have any. It was pointless. 

Sunny exhaled, squeezing her hand. His hair was damp from sweat and slicked back evenly. He was tight lipped with a scrunched forehead, processing what would be the best response, but there was none. Bits of hair were unevenly scattered on his sharp jawline. He must be trying to grow another beard. She rolled her eyes involuntarily, and it caught his attention.

He cocked his brow. “What’s with that?”

Kira reached up to stroke his olive chin. It tickled her fingers. “You should shave.”

“What? Why?”

“Because you can’t grow a beard.”

“Excuse me?” He pouted. Kira wasn’t sure if he was being genuine or playing up the act. “I can so grow a beard.”

“I’m willing to bet that this, by itself, has taken at least two weeks.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. It’s been one week and three and a half days.” Sunny tapped her nose with a grin. His wide smile could brighten up any room, lift anyone’s spirits. No matter how serious the situation, Sunny always managed to make the best of it. That’s was one of the many reasons why she liked him. Having him around and so close to her felt natural, as if she had some sort of balance in her life.  

As if I would tell him that. He would never let Kira hear the end of it.

“Sergeant Cho!” They turned to see the nurse emerge from the operating room, an ankle brace in her left hand. “When you get here?”

“A few minutes ago, Miss Lee.”

She grumbled, shuffling closer to Kira in her all white gown. “Wear this. Maybe week or so. Don’t screw ankle more.”

Kira took it tentatively. “Thank you.”

Miss Lee muttered something in Korean under her breath. Too quiet for her to make out. She swiveled on her heel and headed for her desk in the back of the infirmary. 

Sunny watched as Kira applied the ankle brace, handing her the ice pack. “Two times a day.” It was her turn to pout. “At least.”

“I don’t need to be babied.”

“It’s not babying, it’s telling you what you need to hear.” She swore to herself. “If you won’t go talk to the psychologist, at least listen to me on this. Please.” His deep brown eyes were pleading, trembling and desperate. 

“Why do you care so much?”

“What?”

“Seriously, why? I’m just one person.” There’s more than plenty of people in this world. “You don’t need to worry about me all the time Sunny. It’s a waste of your energy.”

He didn’t say anything for a while. His hand reached to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, stopping to cup her chin. His touch was gentle, hands smooth like running water. “I’m shocked that you even need to ask that question.” He leaned forward, their foreheads barely touching. Kira could feel his breath on hers. They were so close.

Crinkles formed in the corner of his eyes as he smiled. A deep, pure happiness. “You’re never a waste, Kira.”

The world dissolved around them into a meaningless blur. Nothing except the steady ticking of a clock. The sifting of Miss Lee’s papers didn’t matter to her. Sunny’s eyes captivated her, enveloping her in a warmth like a hot cup of sbiten on a cold wintry night. She laughed with squinted eyes and burning cheeks. They both laughed.

Sitting on a crumpled bed in the empty infirmary. 

----- ♠️ -----