Sins of a Raven

A young girl struggles with the loss of her father and family drama that leads to unexpected changes.

A cold gust of wind rustled the naked trees, barren and scattered along the dry grass in a jumble of colors. Aidan’s deep forest eyes teared up from the stinging wind. At least her tears helped her to stand out less. Funerals were an atypical scene for her, she didn’t know they usually were. She stood on the white wooden porch of their home, glistening with clear drops of rain. The gray was fitting on this January day. It intensified the dreary mood. She wasn’t sure how to compose herself, where to stand, what to say, how to behave.

People were displaying a wide spectrum of emotions. Some were in tears and sobbing, some retreated to solitude or even resorting to inappropriate humor. Her cousins whispered in their excitement, “You know at least now Aunt Adriana’s single, so she doesn’t have to feel guilty about Ian anymore. Not that it mattered while Uncle Edin was alive.”

All of them strangers, and yet they all came up to her, fondling her curly ginger hair, extending their condolences: “It’s a shame, what you and your mother are going through.” “Your father Edin was a good man.” “It’s a blessing knowing that he’s not suffering anymore.” Meaningless words emptied from shallow pools. More than half these people barely took the time to know her father, or how aggressive his leukemia had grown three months prior. All you care about is making yourselves feel better. She didn’t even understand why father’s side of the family even came. He had hated how traditional they were, and they never forgave for leaving home without even a phone call.

Her childhood friend Dakota was mingling among the crowd of people on the front lawn, shaking hands and basking in the attention with his curled smile while brushing his black hair. He glanced her way, noting the isolation and gently broke free from the horde to join her on the porch. “I’m surprised you’re not hiding somewhere with your journal.”

Aidan sighed. “I would if I could. I didn’t think to bring it with me, or even my pens.” Dakota smiled sadly. “And apparently it’s not acceptable to wear headphones at a funeral.” He squeezed her tightly. “Yeah, not really. Though I wouldn’t know, this is my first

funeral, at least for a Christian family.”
Aidan’s chest tightened as tears began to burn at the corner of her eyes. The last thing she

wanted was to cry. Dakota rubbed her back softly. He murmured, “Maybe after this is all over I can take you to Barnes and Noble. You can pick out any two things you want, my treat.”

She grinned. “You know me so well.” She gazed on the front yard of their cold home. Waves of people, dressed in black, clutching onto one another as their faces contorted with insincerity. Aidan spotted her mother at the far end of the lot, a handkerchief in her hands. Her eyes were calm and unbothered. Father had always joked that Aidan was her “Mother’s daughter.” The two of them were both blunt, they looked alike and had similar mannerisms. So, it’d always been easy to read her. But in the moment, that wasn’t the case.

“No, Edin.”
“Come on Adriana, look at him.”
“You know how much I hate cats.” In Aidan’s small muddy hands was a kitten. She’d

been exploring with Dakota in the neighborhood when they discovered the little guy in one of the abandoned houses. His white fur coat was covered in dirt. Aidan couldn’t just leave him there, and Dakota’s mom was allergic, so she’d brought him home to clean. “And honestly, why in the world was Aidan wandering by herself? She’s only six.”

Aidan pouted. “I can do what I want.” No one bosses me around!

Mother sighed while her father stroked Aidan’s hair in reassurance. “Quite the tongue, eh? We can deal with that later. Right now, we should figure out what to do about the kitten.”

“Easy, call animal control.”

“Neither of us is allergic, and I’m sure Aidan would appreciate having another friend since I’m always down at the construction site and you’re out with clients. Oh, and I’ll need to head back tomorrow. Ian and the boys need help on a new shipment of rebar.” Her father bent down, his dark brown helmet hair completely disheveled. He scratched behind the kitten’s ear softly, evoking a small chirp. Father’s lip curled into a smile as Aidan giggled. “We’re keeping him.”

“Excuse me?”
“What’re you gonna name him sweetie?” The warmth in his eyes paid mother no mind. 

The little girl stared intently at the ball of white in her hands as she eagerly swayed side to side. “Nico.”

He snorted and laughed at her decisiveness. That’s not funny. “Why Nico?”

She paused, slowly looking up with her innocent eyes. “Because I like it.”

Aidan smiled at the memory. It gave her solace in the midst of the pain this funeral caused her. That was one of her most cherished moments. Father really loved Nico. The cat still chose to sit in the same spot her dad used to occupy on the couch to watch Hell’s Kitchen. If only she could retreat to the comfort of her imagination instead of here, surrounded by all these strangers. Things were so much better back then...

They arrived at Hillside Church in a short amount of time, footsteps tapping against the blood red carpet. The pews, sleek and smooth ebony wood with deep red cushions, were symmetrically aligned in each aisle. The nave expanded on all sides, the church itself taking up about an acre of land. Heavenly light from the sparkling chandeliers bathed the white walls, the intricacy of the glass intoxicating. On all sides of the church were rainbows of colors dripping onto the floors. Stained glass caught the faint light from outside, depicting images of Jesus Christ in his glory. The girl couldn’t help but frown. You’re the reason he’s gone.

Aidan swept down the aisle in her long, black dress. Her bare shoulders covered only with a glowing shawl, hands folded neatly behind her as she passed the pews, ascending a small set of carpeted stairs to the altar. It was a lovely casket, delicately etched with fish-like scales. The exterior was painted a snow white and burgundy cloth on the interior. Her father lay peacefully content. His fair skin held a touch of pink. Even while face to face, for perhaps the last time, Aidan felt nothing but a painful numbness.

“Strange, isn’t it?”

The familiarity in her mother’s thin voice was all too clear, tainted with an emptiness that couldn’t escape her. Aidan felt a tickle on her pale pink skin, from her mother’s ginger hair lingering on her shoulder. Aidan’s heart was too heavy for her to speak.

“Oh, you poor thing.” The daughter recoiled at her mother’s cold touch, eyes were piercing daggers. “What on earth is the matter Aidan?”

She bit her tongue. Her mother had a way of speaking Aidan’s name so distastefully. When she was a child, father recalled that he hadn’t had much of an opinion in her name choice. Mother had demanded it. There are hardly any females with even some variation of it, but mother was never one for tradition. Aidan brushed past her indifferently, scowling, “My father’s gone, that’s the matter.” She paused. “Strange that Ian isn’t here. You two have been inseparable so I had assumed he’d come along with you.”

Mother frowned, crossing her arms. “Well I recommend you get used to it, he’ll be around a lot more often.”

Ugh. The last thing she wanted was her mother’s new boyfriend around more than he already is. Aidan couldn’t hide the sheer contempt in her eyes.

“Aidan do not do this here, of all places.” Mother inched closer to her, sternness in her voice.

“You’re acting as if nobody knows, mother. Everyone’s talking about it and thinking about it! Why are you so intent on acting like everything’s normal!?”

“Aidan please!” Whispers floated in the air as her mother turning a slight red from embarrassment.

Aidan’s rising anger dissolved. She sighed in disappointment. As usual, what else should I expect? There was never a point with her, mother always found a way to turn the situation around and shut it down completely. She ignored her mother’s cold gaze as she took her place in the front pew to the right.

The casket was closed, covered with an exquisite white blanket with red and gold web-like patterns. The Priest, Father Michael, was dressed in a blooming white robe. He began to sprinkle the casket with holy water. Golden crosses and decorated holy symbols were neatly placed on the blanket. Thundering notes billowed through the church as the organist passionately and furtively glided his fingers among the keys. He finished with the formal proceedings and took his place above the altar. A tall wooden cross loomed over him, radiating a power that humbled him into a place of servitude. His voice echoed a solemn prayer, heads bowed. A psalm was read, and a small sermon was given, but Aidan didn’t hear anything. Nothing felt real.

“And now Adriana, dear wife to Edin, will come up to speak a few words as we send off our beloved brother into paradise with the heavenly Father.” He held his hand gently for Aidan’s mother as she crept forward. She took her place at the altar with Father Michael beside her.

Her long black gown draped her tall, slender body. The fabric of her sleeves floated like wings of a raven. Just like that one from before. This church, in particular, had quite a history with them. Apparently, long before her family found this church, there was an incident where the raven found its way into the church and caused a huge commotion.

It had managed to break a chandelier from its chain, falling to the ground and crushing a young girl. Poor thing was only seven years old. Nasty rumors spread far and wide after the incident. Ravens were supposed to represent the devil or something along those lines. So, naturally, the people here took it seriously. Such superstitious people. Or “religious” as the Priest put it. They believed the devil had released a demon from the pits of Hell onto the church. The neighboring community tried to steer clear of the church afterward. Membership decreased and any people who remained would adorn themselves in holy accessories to keep themselves pure and safe from any lingering evil. After that, Father Michael had forbidden any symbolism or depiction of ravens in the church.

Yet this raven proudly stood before the holy cross in all its power. Her coarse voice filled with deceit, unbothered by the shame of her hidden sin. Aidan couldn’t hear her words, she didn’t need to. They locked eyes, challenging each other. The stench of immorality and hypocrisy. Aidan could still smell Ian’s spilled wine and incense. She pictured the glass shards of the window dazzling on the maroon carpet and the screams of frustration, that night she discovered mother’s long-term affair. The lingerie scattered on the floor, burning lust and manipulation, a lost love that was broken beyond repair.

A single tear slid down her mother’s pale cheek, the façade of her grief seizing the hearts of everyone around.

After the burial, a small reception had been hosted back at Hillside. Tables of sandwiches, chips, brownies, cookies, and bowls of punch or water. Everyone laughed heartily, recalling earnest memories or comical inside jokes. The hum of lighthearted banter stung Aidan intensely. The foolishness caked in a suffocating haze as they scarfed their food. What’s wrong with these people? It was as if they hadn’t just buried a man in a graveyard a few minutes before. Aidan’s eyes flickered around the room, people avoiding her judgmental scrutiny.

She sat at a round white table with Dakota, the only person who could possibly make her feel somewhat better in the midst of her misery. He was scarfing down a cucumber sandwich, crumbs dotting his bronzed cheeks. “They’re all laughing as if nothing has happened.”

Dakota coughed while coming up for air. “No one likes to be sad all the time. They move on in their own way, fall back into the rhythm of things I guess.”

The girl frowned at the crowds beaming with positivity. “They moved on pretty fast if you ask me.” People are acting as if he never even existed...

Dakota hummed to himself. Aidan didn’t recognize the tune. His eyes lingered on the crowd. “Oh, uh, I don’t think I ever saw Ian anywhere.”

“Yeah. The least he could’ve done was pay his respects, after what he put my dad through. The stress of dealing with illness and a cheating wife, right as his condition got worse, wasn’t easy for one man to handle.”

Dakota smirked while opening a bag of chips. “Ian’s a keeper alright.” He took a moment to stick a handful in his mouth before continuing. “I wonder what happened.”

Aidan cast her napkin on the table in frustration, slouching on her right arm.
“Things still tense at home?” She nodded. “What’s been going on?”
Aidan leaned forward, a scowl on her face as she whispered, “Just... everything. The fact

that Ian’s even still around.” What kind of man swoops in on another man’s woman? “Ian knew what my father was going through, they were co-workers and friends for god’s sake.” Aidan still remembered as a kid how Ian would come home with father after work and give the candy he packed especially for her. “What did my father do to deserve all of that, and only to lose his life to cancer in the end?” None of its fair.

“Well... S**t Aidan. I mean, are you okay?”

“I don’t know Dakota. All I really wanna do is hide in my room under the covers listening to some good Indie music.”

Dakota smirked sadly. “You should know isolating yourself doesn’t help.”

Aidan shook her head, sighing heavily. “I know, I know. I just don’t wanna be around people right now. Part of me is exhausted, the other is ready to burst.”

He was silent for a moment. “I hate the fact that there’s nothing I can do. I wanna help, I really do. But I can’t exactly go picking a fight with Ian, a grown man.”

“I know. I just don’t understand. Now I can’t stand being near him or my mother.”

Silence followed. Aidan knew there wasn’t anything that could console her. She frowned, her freckles popping under the yellow light. She leaned forward and snagged a few chips from Dakota’s bag. “Thank you for coming with me.” He nudged her playfully.

Mother’s voice pierced the air. “You’re looking chipper than earlier.” Her arms folded in contempt behind her back, unusually straight hair adorned only by a black hair comb with feathers. “I should’ve known if there’s anything that could cheer her up, it would be the Dakota Barnes.”

Dakota waved in her mother’s direction, hands covered in crumbs. “Good to see you again Mrs. Findlay.”

She smiled, then turned to Aidan. “Ian is here. He wanted to see everyone, and he’ll be taking us home.”

Aidan gaped in disbelief. “He came after the funeral has already ended?” He probably just wanted free food. Why did he even bother? Eyes flashed in anger.

Adriana sighed, “He can’t help his work schedule Aidan. He would’ve been here to support us otherwise.”

I don’t need his support. I don’t need him in my life.

Her mother shook her head. “Honestly Aidan, this childish behavior of yours is exhausting. These things just happen.”

Childish? “Are you serious? And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Aidan’s chair fell back as she quickly stood up, bitterness tainting her rising voice.

Her mother’s arms unfolded from behind her back as she pointed a stern finger at the daughter. “Watch your tone young lady. Try to make more of an effort. Ian’s been doing his best. He could very well become your new stepfather, you know.”

“Like hell that’s happening.” A sharp gasp escaped her mother’s lips. Across the room, the door swung open, much to Aidan’s disappointment. “Speak of the devil.”

Ian’s tall physique marched in, wide shoulders pushed back. He fixed his neatly combed dirty blonde hair, eyes observing all the members in the room before settling on Aidan. His lips spread into a wide smile, gripping the flaps of his black trench coat as he snaked forward. With a chin tilted forward, he stammered “Hey you two!”

Aidan didn’t give him a second glance, grumbling to herself. She took her place in the chair that had been knocked over after Dakota picked it back up.

Adriana eagerly outstretched her arms, Ian embracing her in a hug. Aidan promptly bit her tongue to prevent her from saying further words. Last thing she wanted was to push too many buttons at the wrong time. “Glad you made it.”

“I was finally able to sneak away from work.”

Aidan kept silent. She needed to hold her tongue, for her dad’s sake. Think before you speak. Keep it together.

He turned Aidan’s direction. “How are you doing kiddo?”

Her jaw tensed. My dad’s gone and all I got left with was you and mother. Tears burned in anger as she bit her tongue. Dakota’s hand discreetly found hers to squeeze.

Ian stopped short. “Uh, I, um, I’m really sorry about your dad Aidan. He was a good friend, and the best damn rebar worker we’ve ever had.” Silence. He glanced at her mother, unsure of himself. She shook her head.

Adriana’s arms wound around his neck, fingers tracing his sharp jawline. “I’m ready to head on out. There’s not much left to do here.”

At this point, Aidan could taste blood from biting her tongue. Ian grinned. “Alright then, I can give you both a ride home.” He nodded in Aidan’s direction. “You coming?”

“I’m gonna stay a bit longer. Dakota can give me a ride.”
He perked up at his name. “Yeah, no problem. I’ll have her home before late.”
Aidan’s mom didn’t even give a second glance, her eyes fixated on her knight in shining

armor. “Be back by eight.” The two of them turned while holding each other without another word.

God. When they were out of sight, Aidan slumped onto the table with her head in her arms. Everything released all at once. The heaviness in her chest was unbearable, the helplessness creeping on her shoulder, the rage that wouldn’t cease. Why me? The world was deafeningly crumbling around her and there was nothing she could do to try and keep it together. No words or prayers could turn back the clock.

Aidan danced on the fine line of despair and resentment with each passing day. Slowly and painfully would the minutes creep by. She would have to force herself out of bed for the most miniscule tasks, plastering on a cracked face that wouldn’t draw suspicion. Her small hovel of a room was her sanctuary enclosed in suffocating walls. In her room, she could escape her mother and Ian, into a distant world where her heart was full and soaring. The cloudy walls were covered with posters of musicians and shimmering rainbows. Her desk sat across her bed on the far side of the room. It was covered with her sleek laptop and take-home assignments she had yet to tackle. School didn’t start for another two or so weeks. Procrastination would be her demise, and Aidan welcomed it.

She lay on the black sheets of her twin bed, indie music blasting through her neon blue headphones. Nico the cat lay on top of her stomach purring happily with his tailed curled underneath him. Age hadn’t caught up with him quite yet. His smooth fur glowed with the brilliant gold light creeping in from the foggy window, lime green eyes blinking slowly. Nico always preferred Aidan the most, with her father in second place. The cat spent nearly all his time with her nowadays. He meticulously avoided mother at all cost, and hissed whenever Ian was around.

Aidan reached up to scratch Nico’s head, turning towards the window. A cacophony of water droplets pattered the glass. It felt like an eternity since they last had a clear, sunny day. It was as if mother nature was in tune with Aidan’s spirit, empathizing with her melancholy. This comforted her and she smiled to herself. At least someone cared for her. No one else but her mother was left in this empty house. Ian wasn’t family to her. Even if most of his stuff has been moved in.

A framed picture of her and her parents stood on her nightstand near the bed. It was a happy shot of them in front of Niagara Falls. Aidan was 10 during that trip to Canada. Seven years now... There was a hole where her mother’s face should’ve been. Aidan had cut her face out from spite. It wasn’t as if she would ever see it, her mother was forbidden to enter Aidan’s room. That rule had been established a while ago.

Aidan smiled sadly, the memory of her father so far away. She wondered what he was doing, if he was happy wherever he was. Hopefully, he was at peace. Surely it was like paradise up there. Nico shifted on her stomach, rising on his four legs and rubbing against her face. She hadn’t noticed the tears that had begun to run down her cheeks. Her stomach rumbled. What time was it? She checked her phone on the nightstand: 3:05 pm. She hadn’t eaten anything after waking up from a restless night. Aidan failed to ignore her throbbing hunger, left with no choice but to sit up and remove her headphones. Nico’s eyes narrowed, upset by the sudden disturbance.

She pouted. “Sorry, buddy. A girl has to eat.” He softly meowed in reply. Hopefully, the kitchen is empty. The last thing I want is to have to socialize with people.

Aidan swung her freckled legs off the bed. She had on nothing teal pajama shorts and an old white shirt from a music camp she used to attend every summer as a child. Nico scurried behind her as she headed for the door. A soft groan echoed slowly as she pulled, her furry friend zipping past. The wood floors creaked under her socks as she crept through the living room. The kitchen was right across, countertops and black wooden cabinets. A glossy fridge beckoned Aidan forth. In there was a slice of pizza with her name on it.

She nearly slipped on the white tile floor of the kitchen. An open window above the sink opened into the backyard. It was an empty and faded green lot that extended beyond into a deep forest. Just as she pulled open the refrigerator door, the loud click of the door made her heart drop. No, not right now.

Mother’s room was to the right of the kitchen, dressed in a skimpy purple nightgown and a silk black robe. Her ginger hair was pulled up into a messy bun. Aidan wasn’t successful at avoiding her eyesight as mother tucked a hair behind her ear. “I thought I heard something.”

Aidan didn’t bother to make eye contact, focusing on the contents of the fridge. “I came out for food because I was hungry.”

“Of course. Why else would you be outside of your room?” Nico slinked by in the corner of Aidan’s eye. Her mother stepped back to let him pass and he sat contently by Aidan side as he begged for a piece of food. “I don’t even bother with this cat anymore.”

“Seems like you’re not his type.”

“Yeah, your father was.” Aidan paused as her mother rubbed her forehead. “You and your witty remarks. You got that from him.”

“Mhm.”

Silence followed. It was just as awkward as she anticipated. What’s left to say? This was her own mother, her flesh and blood. And yet she was a complete stranger. What’s the point? Aidan merely continued to fish out the last slice of pizza and throw it in the microwave. Her stomach growled louder and louder in anticipation of the sweet, cheesy goodness.

Ian emerged by her mother’s side with nothing but blue and green pajama pants. His hair was unkempt and pointing in different directions. He grinned. “What’s cooking Aidan?”

“Pizza.”
“Oh, is there any left?”
“Not anymore.”
More silence.Can’t this microwave cook any faster? Aidan hated small talk.
“Well... isn’t this nice? Not one insult so far.”
“Don’t get me started.”
Her mother scowled in frustration. “Aidan please. How much longer will you keep this

up?”

“That depends.” A loud, endless beeping sounded. The intoxicating scent of tomato sauce and cheese made her mouth water. “How long are you two planning on staying together?”

Ian frowned. “That a serious question?”
“Yes.”
“Oh my god.” He ruffled his hair awkwardly and took a breath. “Aidan... Listen. I know

this is weird. For all of us. And I don’t expect you to get used to it anytime soon. But... I’m sorry. I’m really, truly sorry.” Aidan stayed quiet. “I could never replace Edin, that’s not what I want.”

Her soft voice broke, “You’re not even half the man my father was. Now all I have left is the two people who were supposed to love him unconditionally but ended up digging his grave.”

Adriana stepped forward, her eyes narrowed. “Don’t you speak about him like that.”

“What do either of you care! Why are you acting like you actually gave a damn about him!”

Ian’s hands twitched. “Aidan, I get you’re upset but don’t you speak to either of us like that. You have no idea what I’ve been going through. This hasn’t been easy for any of us.”

“I’m the one who lost her father! You’re the one who threw away years of friendship and betrayed him. Betrayed me.” She turned to her mother, breathing heavily. “You’re not off the hook either. Instead of trying to fix what was left of your marriage, you let him suffer just so you could satisfy your selfishness. And you think this relationship will last!” Aidan started to laugh. I can’t believe this. You’re just a bunch of two-faced backstabbers. She was in shock. Tears formed on the corner of her eyes as she clutched her stomach, chuckles turning into heart-wrenching sobs.

The tears kept coming and she couldn’t stop. She lost her composure and sank to the floor. Nico rubbed against her in comfort.

God, please let this be a nightmare. Let me wake up to find dad on the couch happy and healthy. She pleaded. She wanted anything but this. Why would God let these people into her father’s life? Into her life? If you knew it would end like this, why didn’t you do anything?

Adriana’s voice was nearly undetectable. “Aidan, please. We want to help.” “Just leave me alone.”
“Aidan-”
“Leave!”

She sighed. Aidan watched them shuffle away from her through a blurry film. Her face was covered with tears as she sniveled. “Just let us know if you need anything.”

Aidan was left with silence alone in the kitchen. Nico purred while he nuzzled her cheek. She completely forgot about the pizza, which was definitely cold by now.

A loud shrill pierced her ear. She shot her head up. Outside the window, a black raven shot out of the thick forest. It soared through the gray sky, followed by a horde of several other ravens. They swarmed into a tiny black cloud and croaked endlessly. Nico began to hiss.

Aidan stared out the window, slumped on the cold tile ground. A burning emptiness enveloped her in a heavyweight. The deafening silence as the blood rushed in her ears, in this tiny corner of the kitchen. There was nothing left. It was as if God abandoned her, left her alone in this house of the hopelessness, nothing to comfort her. This wasn’t her home anymore, it was a tainted hallow shell. Her appetite left her, so she merely stared at the ravens as they circled the forest, mocking her with their cries. 

Author's Note

This is my final draft for my creative writing: fiction class. Just general critique is always appreciated. Thanks!