Do You See The Light

“Do you see the light?” He asked, voice soft in the late hour of the night.  It had just passed three in the morning so there was no question that there was no light to be seen, but he was forever the optimist.  He could find the light in any situation, but she could not.  He was her polar opposite. She could find the dark in any situation, and she could always see the negative where he found positive. 

“Its 3:17 in the morning, don’t be ridiculous.” She said, barely glancing up from her phone.  She knew it always drove him insane when she was paying more attention to the phone screen than to him.  It wasn’t that she was more interested in her various social media accounts, nothing interested her more than him, sometimes she just liked to scroll absentmindedly, especially at this hour of night.  “The sun won’t start to rise for at least another two hours.”

The phone was snatched right out of her hands, but she didn’t mind.  It was tossed to the end of the mattress, the soft thud being heard in the silence of the room.  “Okay.” She said, chuckling softly.  Her eyes finally raised to meet his and she couldn’t help but smile.  Staring at him was one of her favorite things to do, he was just so beautiful.  Sometimes, at night when he was asleep, she would just watch him.  She could only imagine if he randomly woke up and found her staring intently at him.  She couldn’t help it though, when the restlessness of the night set in all she wanted to do was watch him.  He was always so peaceful looking in his sleep. 

“Tell me something.” She murmured, crawling over to his side of the bed.

“What kind of something?” It was evident from his voice that he was tired.  He always spoke in a lower tone, his words coming out slower when he was far past just the initial stage of being tired.

“Just…something. Anything!” She splayed her hands out on his chest, one on top of the other so as to create a pedestal for her to rest her chin on.  Her eyes zoned in on the scruff of his beard, partially because the position put it directly in her line of sight, partially because she always loved to rub her fingers through the scruff, but tonight she restrained.

“Well, today,” He began.  She closed her eyes, just taking in his voice.  Of course she always listened to his stories, she loved to learn any bit of information about him that she could, but it was late in the night and they were finally reunited so at the moment she just wanted to take in the sound of his voice.

“You’re not even listening to me.” He pointed out, his voice coming out in a bit of a whine.

“Of course I am.” She chuckled, opening her eyes to look at him. She lifted her head up from where it rested on his chest, where her chin balanced on her stacked hands.  Her lips fell against his, the kiss heavy.  Heavy, but still perfect.  His lips were cold, having gone so long without being pressed against hers.  It was cold in the room, it was dark too except for the candlelight coming from her nightstand, and they had spent more time talking than anything else.

Three weeks.  That was way too long to go without seeing him.  She’d reached a point in her various stages of missing him where all she wanted was a hug and a cuddle, but now that she was atop of him with their lips meshed together her body was telling her that she wanted more, and his body was telling her that he wanted more too. 

It didn’t take much for things to escalate between them two, it never did.  This time there were no games, there was no need for begging or teasing.  The sweet kissing quickly gave into the heat burning inside of the both of them.

* * *

“Baby?” She whispered, head on his bare chest, her long, dark hair tucked behind her shoulder.

“Hmm?” He mumbled, tracing his fingertips over the smooth skin of her shoulder.

“Just wanted to see if you were still awake…” He always fell asleep first, and sometimes she was quick to follow.  Other times she would lie awake for a long time after he’d already fallen asleep.  Every night they’d spent together, though there hadn’t even been a dozen, she always seemed to spend a period of the night troubled by the darkness while he slept blissfully.

She could tell when he’d fallen asleep.  She could always tell.  She had been able to pick up on it after their first night together.  She picked up on the way his breathing evened out, or how certain muscles of his body would twitch and jerk in confusion from being used in his dreams and not in real life.  It always brought a smile to her face when she felt his arm jerk around her, like a gentle reminder that he was there with her. 

Tonight wasn’t one of her better nights.  He had been asleep at least an hour now, but she hadn’t managed to sleep a minute.  Her head tilted back so that she could look at his face, his peaceful, beautiful face.  It warmed her heart, but also made her heart ache.  She would give anything to have him here in her bed every night, or at least once a week.  “I love you, baby,” she murmured to his sleeping being, pressing a kiss to the stretch of skin in reach of her mouth.  With that, she untangled herself from his body.

The mirrors of her closet reflected her naked body in the dim candlelight as she sat at the edge of her bed.  Their clothes were scattered on her bedroom floor, but none of them fit her mood.  She picked up her thong, sliding it back up her body, and then carefully slid one of the closet doors open to grab an oversized sweatshirt from her closet.  Reaching into the drawer of her nightstand she grabbed out the pack of cigarettes and a lighter before retrieving her phone from where it had fallen to the ground.

The sun had already begun to rise when she went to go sit out on the balcony.  She lit up a cigarette, taking a long drag before checking the time on her phone.  5:28 am.  His alarm would go off in an hour, but he wouldn’t leave her yet.  He would turn off the alarm and wrap his arms around her, pulling her in close.  They would lay like that for a little while, her feigning sleep, until he came onto her and they had sex.  Then they would go back to sleep and wake up later in the morning, maybe have sex again, maybe just talk, and then soon after he would leave her.  She knew this because it was the same routine each time he’d come to visit.

But maybe today would be different.  It was already 5:28 am after all and she had yet to go to sleep.  She’d have to be in bed for that cycle to even begin.  What would happen if she weren’t in bed though when his alarm went off? Would he just shrug it off, or would he go looking for her? She pondered this as she sat on the balcony, waiting for the cigarette to burn out.

6:06 am.  She was cutting it close.  Her cigarette had finally reached the butt so she stubbed it out on the concrete of her balcony.  She couldn’t simply get back in bed now.  First she needed to use the bathroom, wash her hands, brush her teeth.  She was quiet with crawling back into the bed after using the bathroom, lying next to his still figure.  She breathed out in relief, deciding in that last moment that she was glad she had gotten back into bed before his alarm went off, that she hadn’t left that question up in the air as to why she wasn’t lying beside him.

The alarm went off.  He jumped up, quite literally, and shuffled around until he found his phone and turned off the beeping.  She pretended it didn’t faze her.  The warmth of his body was welcoming as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close to him.  She snuggled into him, breathing in deep, breathing him in.

“Why weren’t you in bed.” It wasn’t posed as a question, it was a quiet, empty statement.  He knew why she wasn’t in bed, and she knew that this wasn’t something she could escape like she’d escaped the bed. 

She chose not to respond and simply nuzzled her face into his chest, clinging onto this one moment in his arms before it all came apart. “I love you.” She said, voice muffled by his skin.

“I love you too.” He murmured in response, but it sounded tired.  So tired, so worn out, just like them.