The Night I Went Numb

             Prom. A day almost all girls look forward to; and I did too. Girls walked in wearing long glimmering gowns that shaped their bodies and porcelain faces that received so many compliments. Guys walked in cleaned up with a suit and tie and their hair styled back. They even wore those fancy shoes! I too wore a long gown that blew minds and allowed a small glimpse of my chest, with Long dyed black hair curling down my back and brushing on my behind.  I stood in the middle of the ballroom, surrounded by bodies crushing against me and cheers and heels raised up in the air by girls who wanted comfort instead of beauty. Some danced pressed together gracefully, others grinded against one another sexually. I stood awkwardly, laughing with my friends. We danced in the middle of the crowd, where you had no chance of breathing. I was having a good time however with my friends who stole the attention from the party. I excused myself to go get a drink and they groaned, But as I made my way out of the crowd to fetch something to cool myself down, I wanted anything but to be there. The different colored lights flashing on the floor and in the semi-dark room blurred in my eyes. Because it was in that moment that I realized that the man I came here with, the one who placed a beautiful flower around my wrist and smiled down at my like I was the world, I did not love, or even like in any other way besides a close friend. And that the one I loved, the one I knew for so long and was always by my side, did not love me. Nor would he ever think about me in any other way besides a close friend. As he laughed at one of the tables, seated with this beautiful girl besides him who knew him no more than a stranger on the street, I felt alone. I wanted nothing more than to walk over to him and kiss him, hold him, embrace him like it was his last night alive. To look him in the eye and tell him how I felt; but I didn't. Instead when he looked up and smiled when he saw me and waved, I waved and smiled back. So many emotions jolted through me, and the floor seemed to sway beneath me. The man I  came here with sat across the room alone, possibly waiting for me to walk to him. Nothing seemed important anymore. I ignored the thirst I had or how much I wanted to leave, I only let the ocean of hot pressed bodies pull me back into the pit of the party, and let the loud music mute my thoughts. Heels in my hands I danced, and all while I danced, I tried not to drown.