Taking It To Another Level

"So you want to know all about me. Who I am. What chance meeting of brush and canvas painted the face. You see? What made me despise the girl in the mirror enough to transform her, turn her into a stranger, only not. So you want to hear the whole story. Why I swerved off the high road, hard left to nowhere, Recklessly indifferent to those coughing my dust, picked up speed no limits, no top end, just a high velocity rush to madness " -Ellen Hopkins

     

      Strangely enough it looks as though I have finally lost my sanity. Nothing feels real anymore, this feeling... deja vu i believe its called? Is it even that? Whatever it is this feeling sickens me. I've had it go on for hours- even days. So I came to the conclusion that I've lived this life before. Maybe I'm in a comma somewhere re-playing my life in my head? Would that explain why time goes so fast? could it be that i'm dead already? If so how many times have I died? My nightmares- could they be from previous life? Is anyone in a mental hospital actually mental? Maybe they all saw the truth as well.. but no, those people don't act like me, I'm different. Then  I realized a couple days later after this feeling of deja vu began, that the only way it would go away was if i did something I didn't do before in my previous lives. Something exciting- something that made my heart jump, something defiant. I began sneaking out of my house at night and going to party's I was sure a 15 year old girl shouldn't be at.  I stopped attending class, and when I did I only slept or drew. when I hit sixteen I dropped out completely leaving all my friends wondering what happened. We no longer spoke. I stayed at a huge house. My parents were extremely rich so we lived in a huge mansion that I couldn't even find my way to the bathroom at times. I believe they forgot I existed, we never talked anyways, work was always more important. They were always off on a business trip, or somewhere far from me. I haven't seen them in almost 6 years. I had become eighteen now and I realized I was loosing it, the worst part was feeling like I was drifting off, I knew I was drifting from sanity and I knew I should talk to someone about it. But I didn't I only needed to get far away from this feeling. But soon it started becoming harder to get away from this feeling, so i began doing worse things. I didn't expect for it ever to get this bad.

     The sound of a car passing by passed and I inhaled the cold morning air and shoved my hands deep in my  jackets pockets and began walking. I had to get back home, to the manor. you did it. the feeling's gone. aren't you happy?  i shouldn't done this. this is a mistake. i have to stop. this all has to stop. i kept walking making sure i wasn't walking to slow nor to fast. did you see the look on his face? 

i shouldnt have done this.

But you did, you did it, now theirs no going back..

  "LEAVE ME ALONE!" 

  I yelled it out loud, I stopped walking startled at looked around me to make sure no one was around. Not even a bird was nearby on this cold morning. I shoved my hands deeper into my jackets pockets so that the hood pulled at my neck, and began running, the sound of my heeled boots echoing.  

     I almost knocked down one of my house maids as I ran into the mansion, running up the spiral of steps, down the long hallways and into the first bathroom I found. Panting I looked up at my face in the bathroom mirror; empty green eyes stared back at me. I held onto the sides of the sink for support. 

Look what you are becoming. Just stop trying, let me take over from here..

 "no..NO. NO! GO AWAY!" 

I screamed suddenly, and my fist flew at the mirror , stopping halfway as I somewhat gained control of myself. Tears threatened to come out and I pulled my trembling hand to my pale skin. What was happening to me?

   A knock on the door almost gave me a heart attack as I jumped back.

 "My lady, are you alright in there? I heard shouting"

 "I'm fine thank you, just a rough morning. I'm going to take a bath now to relax"

  "Allow me to start the bath for you mistress"

 I bit the side of my cheek, "Its fine, really"

   "Very well, dinner will be ready when you are"

  Once the sound of footsteps faded down the hall I let out the deep breath I had no idea I was holding, and began stripping my clothes off. I tied my long brown hair up in bun on top of my head and turned to the porcelain bathtub with gold embossed legs to hold it up. The bathroom itself was quite large, marble floor and large windows with silk curtains. I reached and turned on the deck mount clawfoot tub faucets.

   When the huge tub was filled I sat in and lay back letting the bubbles smother my body. I took deep breaths looking around the bathroom trying to get my mind off of everything. It was quiet, so I began humming to myself to fill in for sound. Eventually I took a deep breath and submerged beneath the warm water that was creamy smooth against my skin.

If I could just lay here...calm..surrounded by warmth..

 I closed my eyes relaxing, but I could only see him behind them; That man. His face, no longer moving, eyes wide open. And all that blood..

   Police. Would they know who did it? No they wouldn't be able to. Everything was going to be alright... My heart was racing and my head buzzed with panic.

      Alex you need to relax..why would they ever think that such a rich spoiled child would ever be the one behind it all?

      At the demonic yet jolly voice I jumped up from the bathtub, the cold air greeting me with discomfort. I looked back down at the tub, the water swirled with filth. 

 I wrapped my hair in a soft white towel and wrapped myself in another towel, bigger than the one used for my head. I threw my clothes into the laundry basket and walked out. I stopped only to notice the mirror was fogged up. I cocked my head to the right and looked at the fogged image of myself. I raised up my hand and drew a smile and eyes where my face was,where the smile should have been, and laughed to myself, then I left the bathroom.

     I was lying on the couch in my room staring up at the ceiling when someone knocked on the door. I had changed and was in gray baggy sweatpants and a black tank top that rose up exposing an inch of my flat stomach that I had worked so hard on in high school, My long brown hair was down too.

    "Come in" I said, turning over so that whoever came in couldn't see my face. 

      I heard the familiar sound of Xavier's footsteps as he  walked in. Xavier was the butler of the house. 

 He walked tall and gracefully and he always made me smile;He was about 25 years old. He had blue eyes and black shaggy hair parted to the side. He understood me in a way, he made me laugh. Xavier was unusual you see, you could never see what was on his mind. Of course he did what he had to do around the house and he was loyal and respectful, but he was also my friend. The sound of my closet being opened and then something being hung up filled the room. 

    "It seems my lady is upset"

    He knows what you did. He's not stupid Alexandria..

      "I'm fine, just exhausted" i hoped my voice did not break.

      He chuckled to himself. "You fell asleep early last night. What could you have possibly done to make you so exhausted"

      He's taunting you. 

      No he's not. LEAVE ME ALONE. He's just curious.

     "Bad period" I laughed after, turning around to see his reaction.

        He chuckled again which i had not expected.

           He takes out the garbage he's not stupid..

             Stop being so paranoid.

         He closed the big closet doors and examined my face which made me flinch, then he walked over to me; taking out a piece of cloth from his breast pocket. 

      "My lady, you were crying" 

        'My lady', those words had a beautiful ring to them.

       He said the words with a smile and dabbed my cheeks with the soft fabric.

        "No i wasn't" I lied.

        He showed me the cloth as proof with a smile, and sure enough there were marks of dampness and smudges of black makeup. 

        "SO.. what did you do all day while i was out?'', changing the subject as I rubbed my eyes.

      "The house is cleaned from top to bottom" he laughed and folded the cloth putting it back into his breast pocket, "What did you do while you were out?"

     "Fresh air, the usual...", I laughed a little, pulling myself up and bringing my knees to my chest, hugging them. He looked up at me and it felt as though those blue eyes looked right into my soul.

   

    "I feel like i'm loosing my mind"

    "Aren't we all?" He smiled that devilish smile that made my heart warm.  "Now, if you will please excuse me my lady, I must prepare dinner".

   I nodded and smiled at him and he bowed, placing his hand where his heart was then turned and left the room. He stopped just before he closed the door behind him and said "You should consider not thinking so much",

 And then he left, leaving me alone with my thoughts in the big room. 

     

                                              

      *New character :)))* 

      "It is not a good day for the family members of a man named Joseph Park, who was found dead not far from his home. The details of his murder are too explicit to negotiate about however, but police are already on the case. Our best regards go out to Josephs family...." 

   I just got back from college and had turned on the t.v. while preparing dinner..or at least sticking on of those microwavable mac and cheese meals in the microwave. The first channel that popped up was the news, guessing my parents were watching that channel last night. The microwave beeped as i took out the steaming hot plastic plate and pulled out a fork from one of the drawers in the kitchen and walked to the living room. I searched the couch for the remote, eventually finding it underneath me, and changed the channel. 

    "Joseph Park found dead.."

    "And you know Susan, whats unique about this death is that he had.."

    "Police cant seem to find any evidence.."

   I cursed under my breath realizing there wasn't any channel NOT talking about this guy named Joseph Parks death.

      "The accident happened around Toatin road.."

    I paused there; i didn't live far from Toatin road. I raised the volume up and stirred the mac and cheese, it was way to hot to eat just yet.

    "We haven't had something like this happen before here in New York and the police aren't saying much.. all we know is that right now it's best to stay home. Who knows if this person may strike again"

        My house phone rang just then and i almost jumped off the couch. The rock ringtone blasted through my huge silent house. My parents never cared to have maids or butlers so instead i was always left home alone.

      "Hello?" i said with a little bit of annoyance in my voice.

      "Hey, you need to come over right now. Did you hear about what happened?"

       I laughed at that. It was my friend Shane, he was always looking for something dangerous and i guess this murder was a magnet.  

     "How could i not have! It's all over the news. And i don't know.. there saying people should stay home, and its getting dark outside"

      "Oh com'on be a man! Is a little darkness gonna scare you? I live like ten minutes walk away"

         "Shane, darkness isn't whats bothering me"

         "Great! So I'll see you in ten minutes then!"

          "No wai...!" 

           It was too late though, he had hung up.

          I groaned and walked to the mirror in the living room. Black shaggy hair, blue eyes, a gray shirt and black jeans. I looked like your every day punk guy..although i was far from punk. I put on my black boots and turned off the t.v.; throwing out my dinner as well. 

       I closed the door behind me as i began to walk. It was chilly outside and i wished i grabbed a sweater on the way out. The street light above me flickered and i looked around to see that not a single soul was around. The streets were deserted. I checked the time on my wrist watch, it was almost 8:40. I listened to the sound of my boots walking on the streets as i tried my best not to think about the murder. I kept constantly looking all around me as i made the familiar turns to get to Shane's house. Then suddenly i heard it, humming.

      The humming wasn't an animal or anything, it sounded like a girl humming a song. I looked around still seeing no one until i looked under one of the street lights that were flickering. There was a bench underneath it and on it a girl sat, she didn't look far from my age. She was facing me but she was looking up at the sky, lying back in a position as if she were at home on her couch. She had long brown hair and green eyes. Her lips were painted red and she wore gray jeans and black long boots that ran up to her knees with about 2 and a half inch heels at the end. Her shirt was a black crop top that exposed a little bit of her stomach where a sparkle shined every time the lights flickered on, showing that there was a piercing there. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 

     I let out a deep breath i didn't realize i was holding. 

    "Hi there" she said suddenly. Her green eyes sparkling and it was confusing to decide whether she was crying or the cold was watering them up. 

     "If you're gonna stare you could at least say hi you know" She spoke again, her voice was as soft as a melody, but deadly tone rang somewhere deep behind the melody. 

      I laughed an awkward laugh and gave a little wave. "Sorry miss, it's just you look so beautiful"

      She chuckled, "You too"

       I frowned for a second but then laughed, she was weird, i liked it.

         "Well obviously" i said sarcastically hoping she could sense the humor.

           "Hey what are you doing out here anyways? I mean a really bad incident happened not far from here and its dark out... shouldn't you be home? Or at least with someone?"

         She didn't even bother to answer but instead she gave out a little laugh which her melody voice followed, "What's your name?"

          "James, James Raloi"

          She pulled herself up so that she was no longer lying down but sitting facing me. 

           "Well James, you've just about made my night", She laughed to herself, then stopped and got serious as though she was deeply into thought, then laughed again. Why didn't she answer my question? 

          "I told you my name, now you tell me yours"

          She got up in that moment and walked towards me, her heels clicking on the street.

          "I'm called Alex, real names Alexandria"

          "No last name?" i frowned with curiosity. 

           "No" this strange tone took over her voice, it didn't sound like she was quite talking to me though.

           At this point she was standing in front of me. I was taller than her, she came up to about my shoulders, even with heels on. And then in that moment i froze. I just ran into some random beautiful girl, looking up at the sky smiling to herself in the middle of deserted streets, there's a horrible murder that happened not far from here and shes alone as if nothing could ever hurt her right now..

        "I have to go now" i didn't really want to go, but there was just something wrong about this situation.

         "Oh alright" she frowned a little but then brightened up, "i was wondering if you wanted to go get coffee or something"

         I hated coffee with all my heart, but i would drink anything for that beautiful face.

         "I really have to go, i'm meeting up with someone. Come to think of it.." i looked at my watch, it was already 9:40,how much time passed while talking to this girl? To Alex?"I'm really late, it was nice meeting you though"

          She smiled at me and nodded one of those nods people do when they understand something.

          "Here's my number if anything" i said, and she took her phone and typed it down.

           She smiled up at me.

          "Hope to see you again!" i shouted and i ran up towards Shane's house.

           The creepy part was, that when i looked back i could still see her standing there, looking up at me from where she was last standing, before she turned and began walking away, and i could have sworn i saw her lips moving.. as if she was talking to someone, or at least to herself.

____________________

  When i arrived at Shane's house he was mad.

  "You live like what? 10 f*****g minutes away? It took you an hour and a half to get here?" he said holding the door open, yet his body still blocking the entrance.

   "Sorry, i got held up i guess, now let me in its cold"

   He sighed, but he moved aside anyways and i walked into his warm house that always smelled of cinnamon. I waved to his mom who stood stirring a pot of what looks like mashed potatoes in the kitchen, and then made my way up to Shane's room. Shane's room was nothing like my room, i did find everything in his room interesting however. Posters of Jack The Ripper,rock bands i couldn't name,dragons,games, snap backs with teams i didn't really know of arranged on shelves, were on his walls. 

   As soon as i walked in his room the wide flat screen t.v. in his room was on the news. I flopped onto his bed staring up at his white ceiling admiring every crack, every nook, i could find while listening to what the reporters were saying in the background.

     "They said theirs nothing, not any evidence left behind, only the mutilated body is proof that something actually happened" 

      Shane was sitting in his computer seat, typing something on the computer. 

      "Wait, mutilated? As in taking a limb or messing them up badly?"

      "Yeah, can't believe you actually payed attention in english. Good job!"

       I laughed at that a little,"Wait but what's wrong with the body? The guy wasn't shot or anything?"

         "God James, you haven't been watching the news have you? The guy is almost completely unrecognizable! If it wasn't for the I.D. he carried.."

         "What's wrong with the body? What do you mean its 'unrecognizable'''?

           Shane took a deep breath and gave me a smile as if i was 10 years younger than him.

           "From the neck down it's all a mess. Organs out, these strange 'carvings' almost designs that were made with a knife no doubt, and the strangest part..",his voice got lower when he said this and he leaned in,"The hearts missing".

          I looked at him with eyes wide, who would do this? 

          "No heart, So like no emotions,No feelings, Hollow" he whispered.

           I burst out into laughter and he joined in, "You can be so creepy, s**t"

         "Watch out i could be the killer!" 

          I chuckled at that and so did he. 

           I left late around 1 in the morning, I made it home fine, to an empty house of course.  I placed the keys on the counter, the ringing echoed through the empty house and i began to remember everything Shane told me.

         I was taking a shower humming to myself to kill the silence. I got out and began towel-drying my hair just as my phone began to ring. I ran to get it and picked it up thinking it was Shane, but the voice that answered back my 'hello?' was Alexandria's.

___________________________________________

         I winced as the bleach in my hair began to work and i held in a laugh.

         "Hold still my lady, or the chemical will fall on the carpets and then there is more work for me" Said Xavier, "I still can not believe you actually want this Alex"

         I was turning my hair white, the brown was annoying when i woke up this morning.  

       Don't worry you'll look amazing. Brown's too normal anyways.. your not normal Alexandria...How fun will it be to be different?!

       I laughed and tried myself to hold still as another sudden itch in my head went off.

       "All done! Now you just have to stay like this for about thirty minutes and then you must rinse it out with warm water, don't condition so the toner can be added after. THEN you'll condition" 

       "Alright, alright" i said as a plastic cap was pulled over my hair.

        "I will be back shortly"

        I got up and walked toward the big glass window in my room. Trees filled the bottom and the gray sidewalk could be seen, it was still empty. There had been two more deaths, and I felt calm, my other half had quieted down as well.

       I smiled knowing i was the reason the streets were clear,then i frowned knowing i was the reason the streets were clear.

      You've done well

       "I can stop"

       Can you? Can you really? After you've already gone so far? Three people is a lot Alexandria..

         "But not enough"

         No not enough, more, show them who deserves to live. Who's the strongest, this is your game..

         "Yes- NO ITS ,NO ITS NOT,STOP IT.. please.." my voice went into a whisper at 'please'. I was talking out loud again.

         "Alex?"

         I jumped turning to face Xavier who was standing tall and calmly at the door.

         "What?" i asked, my heart racing.

           He knows your crazy now. He's gonna know soon enough. What will we do with him? Will we dispose of him as well?  

       He chuckled, "What did i say about thinking too much? Come on, thirty minutes has passed, we don't want your hair falling out"

                I smiled up at him, "Thank you"

                  He nodded his head with a smile and began walking down the hallway, eventually disappearing. 

                "Don't think too much" I repeated under my breath. 

                

   --------------------------------------

               I sat at a table in the La Venoirs, occasionally checking my phone to see if i had any messages. I looked out the huge window besides me, the sun was going down, leaving a pinkish tone in the sky. Alexandria would be here any minute. I arranged to meet here the night she called, I wanted to see her again, to get to talk to her again. The sound of a bell dinging, which singnaled the diners door opening, rang. Alexandria walked in, but she looked completely different. Her brown hair had been processed completely so that she now had long light blonde hair that resembled white, It was wavy as if she had passed the curler through it the night before. Her green eyes were still the same but her now white hair seemed to make them pop out more. She had a baggy gray sweat shirt and black skinny jeans, black hooker boots finished it off. She was beautiful as always, and under the light she was mesmerizing. 

            "Hellooo? Anyone there?" 

             I jumped as I saw that she was now on the other side of the table, except her face was inches from mind. Her head was cocked to the side like she was trying to see what i was thinking.

                "Uh yeah! I'm fine, sorry just dazed out for sec"

               She sank back to her seat and laughed a little, "Deffinetly dazed out''

             "Oh whatever! So i see you changed the hair?"

               She looked confused for a second then reached out the grab a lock of her hair and examined it.

              "Oh yeah! Brown was so boring i needed a change" she smiled after, this smile that moves at something in me.

             "Well it looks great"

             A natural red haired girl appeared at the table with a black uniform and a wide smile. Her name was Trisha, the name tag at least said that much.  The waitress took our orders and then left as fast as she appeared.

           "I thought you would've ordered coffee instead of water" i chuckled.

            "Truth is i actually hate coffee, it was just something i heard people say to each other when they want to actually talk" She smiled again and we burst out laughing. 

           "You don't have to pretend to like something just to talk to me, you can be yourself with me ok?"

             She leaned back and smiled, followed by a quick twitch. I was confused for a moment but i ignored it. Why did i feel like something was wrong?

            "It's so beautiful outside" she whispered turning her head out the window. 

            "It's dark outside, how can it be beautiful?" i asked, turning to look outside as well.

             "You don't see it?"

              I shook my head.

              "Think about it like this. Night is when nature is alive, stars-no, diamonds, diamonds are scattered across the sky followed by one huge moon. The moon is like a face, watching down on us, examining us and lighting the way for us---"

                "And here's your plate miss", Trisha's voice suddenly interrupted Alexandria as she placed a plate of spaghetti in front of her. Alexandria looked at her quickly and glared at her, but Trisha didn't seem to notice as she placed my plate in front of me. The way she looked at Trisha was..I can't think of a word for it. Dangerous, she looked dangerous.  A complete part of her I've never seen before. 

            "Alexandria.."

            "Huh? Oh", She said, suddenly realizing what she was doing, "Call me Alex"

           "Well Alex, Why were you staring at the waitress like that? 

            "Her..... Oh i thought i recognized her from some where before"

            "Ohh, well don't do that, it's kindof creepy" i whispered across the table.

          "Sorry", she chuckled, "Bad habit"

              Something felt wrong.. Alex was deffinetly a weird one, And i loved it.

 

  ________________________________________________

           

    I lay back in Shane's computer chair while the t.v. filled the silence in the room, and of course it was on the news channel. Shane had become interested in this case and now their was newspaper articles all around the room saying things like 'HEARTLESS STRIKES AGAIN".

  Heartless, they gave the killer a name.

      I was playing world of Warcraft on Shane's computer, trying to level my druid when he turned up the volume.

       "A woman was found just this morning by a man walking his dog, details are not confirmed on who the woman is but the victim is confirmed to be another one of Heartless's murders"

       "James how are you so calm ?! There's a whole massacre going on right outside our doors!",exclaimed Shane, throwing a newspaper at me.

     I typed a quick BRB to my guild before i spun to face Shane.

      "You know, you've really become completely obsessed with this Heartless case"

     Shane huffed and lay back on his bed looking up at the ceiling.

       "Hell yeah,  you should too. Me- Or even you could be the next Heartless victim for all you know"

       The hairs on my arms rose as I imagined being carved into and my own heart being torn out, still beating. 

        I pushed a hand through my shaggy black hair and tilted the chair back  a bit. 

       "I just think if you get too into this stuff, you might actually end up being involved"

       Shane gasped. "Are you saying you care about me? Whoa."

        I laughed at that and he laughed too. 

       "You know you're like family to me"

       And that was true. From the first moment we met at high school we were friends. Weird because we were almost complete opposites. I was the high school rebel and he was the high school president. 

       "Hey Shane, do you remember when we first met?"

        He pulled himself up and grinned, white teeth shining.

          "How could I forget?" he laughed.

          Only he never got to begin the retelling as his sister pushed open the door. Her name was Charlotte. A pastel pink long haired 18 year old girl who was on her last year of high school. She was short and pale with a skinny body and gray eyes. You would never guess she was Shane's sister. Me and Charlotte were always going 'on' and 'off' you could say.. she always had this huge crush on me since I could remember.

          "I come back to this city and now there's a sicko murderer ripping everyone's heart out. I really hate the city"

           Charlotte went to a boarding school upstate in some town I never bothered asking about. All I knew was that she got her vacations earlier than us. 

       "Hey Crayon" Shane said, in an annoyed tone.

        "You know I hate that nickname Fat Head"

        "That's why I use it"

        They glared and each other for a moment, but then they burst into laughter and squeezed each other.

       It was always weird seeing Shane's family getting along since I never really had experiences like these on my own. And I couldn't help but feel awkward as the siblings laughed.

       Finally Charlotte pulled away and turned to face me, suddenly realizing I was there.

        "Well if it isn't James Raloi" she said, looking up at me.

         "Charlotte" I said, trying my best not to laugh in this awkward situation. I reached out and pulled her toward me, and she moved without resistance. Her perfume filled my senses as I held her. Over her shoulder I was mouthing to Shane how awkward this was. But either I sucked at mouthing words or he sucked at comprehending things. Could have been both.

     "You guys can get off each other now, plus James don't you gotta head home?"

      "F**k, what time is it?"

       Charlotte frowned that cute little frown of hers.

       "He could stay the night"

       "So you can try to seduce him with your strange seduce powers all night long!?"

         Charlotte stuck up the finger to him and turned to face me again. 

         "It's 3:56, almost 4. You cant leave at this time, no ones out there! Especially with Heartless and all"

          But I was already pulling on my sweat shirt. I didn't really feel comfortable staying at the house.

          "See you guys tomorrow"

           I pulled open Shane's window. I was not about to leave through the house door and have the alarm beep, possibly waking up the house. I hopped down onto the ground, and my ankles ached from the impact. 

         Shane and Charlotte stuck their heads out the window. 

          "James! Charlotte has a point! It really is too dangerous!"

           "Don't worry I'm fine! Log me out of WoW will you? Night guys"

          If they said anything else I  didn't hear it as I ran down the deserted streets. 

           I was walking fast. I passed by closed grocery stores and plant shops, a stripper bar and an auto repair shop. There was no moon tonight and only the stars and the few street lights lighted my way. It was a chilly night, and I pulled my hood over my head. Charlotte and Shane's faces filled my mind. I was so glad to have friends like them. I jumped and I slowed down when I began to hear other footsteps echoing through the streets. Some one was talking too. At first i felt relieved that someone else was up and walking now too, i didn't feel so alone. But then i realized... It was four in the morning. Who would be walking on the streets? 

          Oh that's right, Me. But there was someone else here. My heart began to race and Shane's words echoed through my head.

    Me- Or even you could be the next Heartless victim for all you know..

       The footsteps stopped and I got even more nervous. I should have stayed at Shane's. I would've been safe, warm, a little awkward but hey, that had to be better than getting carved out raw.  I turned onto the sidewalk where overgrown trees poured onto the pavement. As I passed the trees I turned, and my heart stopped. 

         It was Alex. She was crouched a block away beneath a street light. Her pale blonde hair shone under the light. She pulled at what seemed to be grass from the ground. She was humming a song, like in those creepy horror movies. Then she began to scream.

--------------------------------

 We were standing in my room. Curtains hooked to the side so that light poured in, making the white walls glow. The door was wide open but I could see nothing beyond the door frame.

"Alex?" 

   I jumped at the sound of my name; I assumed I was all alone in this white room.

"Xavier?"

   I turned to look at Xavier, he was smiling his demonic lovely smile. Yet, his eyes looked faded, as if he was looking at me from far away. He was paler than usual, black rings hanging beneath his worn blue eyes.

"My lady... why?" He breathed in raspy breaths.

"What do you mean why? Have I done something? Are you okay?"

   Questions shot through my mind, but Xavier did not reply. Instead when I look back up at him again, blood trickled from the corners of his mouth. It dripped down his pale neck and onto his perfect white collar. My heart raced as i realized he might be dying. I ran to him and pulled the cloth from his breast pocket to clean the red that trickled down his porcelain skin.

    But when I pulled out the cloth, something beating, drenched in red water, fell and rolled onto the floor. It was his heart; Everything slowed around me. The beating filled my ears, as Xavier spoke the beating continued to beat in the background.

  I opened my mouth to speak but it seemed I did not know how to speak, so i closed my mouth.

   "It has been a pleasure working for the Lagori household. I do wish we meet again my love"

    And after those touching words Xavier bowed, hand to the hole where his heart should have been, and collapsed onto the floor. Blood pooled around his limp body and suddenly I felt alone. Alone in this white room.

    Then the beating stopped, 

                   and I woke up.

        ----

        It was dark, Semi-dark at least. Tints of whitish, yellowish, reddish particles screen over this blackness. Slow evened breathing filled the silence, but I saw nothing. Then light poured in, washing out the tints of whitish, yellowish, reddish particles, and I realize my eyes were closed. My eye lashes fluttered, my eyes adjusting to the light. Where am I? 

        My eyes scanned around the room, eyes focusing on the body curled up on a tan sofa across from me. I jumped and pulled myself up, standing up on what I noticed to be an even longer tan sofa, The blanket I slept in fell onto the floor when I jumped.

        Don't you look surprised. My dear Alex, don't you remember last night?

        "No not at all!" I whispered loudly.

         Then ask your boyfriend.

          I placed one foot on a fake polar bears fur rug, and tip toed towards James's sleeping body. Sleep. The state where your body is most vulnerable at, yet the state that your body needs the most. Blood rushed underneath his pale cheeks, and with each breath he took his chest rose like a mountain and fell like the rain outside the window pane.

         I crouched over his limp body and leaned on the couches arm. Then suddenly I lost my balance and went forward on top of him. I gasped at the situation. He was going to wake up and think i was some sex freak or something.

          Killing him would be so simple in such a position... right Alexandra?

          "Alex?" 

          I screamed as James's groggy voice filled my ears.

           "I fell, I'm not trying to rape you or anything, or even kill you in your most vulnerable state! So don't even think--"

            His strong arms rapped around me and pulled me tight. I could feel his beating heart, and guilt ran up my throat. Why was he touching me?

            "I'm so glad you're okay! I ran into you last night on my way home and you were screaming about some guy who lost his heart. All this Heartless s**t must be really getting to you, I ran and tried shaking you awake but you must have been sleep walking because you couldn't hear me. I brought you to my house and lay you here and---"

          "Thank you" I whispered. I was so glad he cared about me, but guilty because he shouldn't be. I'm a disgrace. Insane. Past fucked up. Yet he still cares? If only he knew..

             Don't hold me or look at me. No wait, please look at me and hold me. Tell me you love me and never let me go. All this crap is running through my mind and I only wanted to scream and pull my hair, but then I remembered a riddle Xavier once told me.

            "Do you like riddles?"

             "I don't hate them, they're just always so complicated.. but yeah I guess, why?" 

          "My Butler used to always tell me this one riddle it went like this. Polly lived alone in her square pink polka dot house. She had a lot of money, so she had a Chef, Maid, and a Butler. One Monday morning Polly was found dead in the living room. The police questioned the staff and got these three alibis, The Chef said he was in the kitchen cooking dinner, the Butler said he was preparing Polly's outfit for the day, and the Maid said she was sweeping in the corner. The police immediately took the killer. So who killed Polly?"

          James was silent for a couple, the he answered. 

         "I don't know. Who did it?"

          "It's simple; Polly killed Polly. Her thoughts drove her to the point of no return and then.. well she was gone" 

            I began laughing uncontrollably. Gone. Her thoughts drove her crazy and the only escape was death. How sad, how easy.

             I stopped and looked back down at James. He chuckled nervously. 

           "Would you die for someone?"

           "Die for someone? I'd rather live for someone"

            "Dying is easy. Instantly. Living.. well that's more complicated"

             "I swear you think the weirdest things"

             "I guess I do"

              You always do.

               We stayed on the couch in silence,  every so often smiling at each other.  Until a long black car pulled up in front of James's well planted garden, the sound of crunching gravel and car exhaust filled the the air. We laughed at each other for jumping.

              "Let's go see who it is", he patted my thigh in signal to move.

               I pushed myself up and he got up besides me. He walked ahead and pulled open the giant white doors with glass tinted windows, one at a time, but I stopped in front of a long gold embossed mirror to view my reflection. I wore a tight black t-shirt which I   remembered falling asleep in... but I normally didn't fall asleep with pants on...so why did I have gray baggy sweatpants on..? 

             "James! You changed me!!?", I pulled at the giant pants so that he knew what I was talking about.

              "Huh, oh yeah you were sitting in just a shirt in the middle of the street. Of course I'm going to give you pants"

             "Oh..", guilt ran into my chest. It was a different kind of guilt; not the one you get after you pull your knife out of a once living person.

              He laughed and I looked up to glare at him. 

              "Alex...I think you should come out here"

             I walked over next to him. James yawned and lifted a muscular arm to ruffle his hair, only making the bed hair worse.

             "I would like to thank you for taking such good care of my lady; But I've come to take her home"

             Blue eyes stared at the both of us with that devilish smile and graceful stance. 

            "How did you know where I was?", I asked.

            "It's a small town, with a lot of people"

            With those words Xavier scooped me up bridal style and ducked into James's home and grabbed my heels. I still had no idea how that answered my question.

             "Hey! You can't just go into my house---"

             James looked like he was torn between laughing or being angry.

             "I'm so sorry! I'll call you later okay!?", I shouted over Xavier's shoulder. 

                 He chuckled and waved, "I'll be waiting!"

                  Xavier pushed me or should i say threw me, into the back of the limo. Soft purple cushions rammed into my face and Xavier sat besides me, sliding the door shut besides him.

                 "Head to the mansion!" he shouted at the chauffeur.

                I pulled myself up to face him.

              Rip that pretty little smile off for treating you like a child

                Before I could speak, he turned and began to yell.

                "You had me worried sick last night; You could have phoned to say you were alright! With all the s**t occurring out on these streets i would just rather you stay home!"

         I laughed; when Xavier cursed I could never take him seriously. I saw laughter in his eyes as well, but sat up straight and began speaking.

        "I just went to stay over a friends, it gives you no right to treat me like a child"

        Xavier pulled himself uncomfortably close to me, so that his eyes were an inch away and his cool breath tickled my chin.

        "I simply do my best at protecting you, which is the job your parents assign me to do"

        "Would you like to tell what f*****g parents I have!? Look at me when I say this. If they wanted to take care of me so god damn much, why aren't they sitting here in this car right now!?, my breathing shook as my temper raised high.

         "My lady, you are even more beautiful when you are upset. I did not mean to make you feel as if you were being deprived of your freedom; I only wanted to make sure you were safe" 

        I wouldn't be worrying about MY safety if I was you

      "I wouldn't be worrying about my safety if I was you"

      The words came out the same time they were spoken in my mind, that scared me. Was I becoming similar to her? As my temper slowly sank back down, Xavier stared at me with shocked eyes. I've never seen such a look before and I wish I could tell what he was thinking.

        "Ugh you know what?", I grabbed my heels and pushed open the car door besides me and rolled onto the street floor. I got myself up quickly before any other cars could pass; No cars ever passed by through here so I had no idea why I was worrying. I dusted myself off and twitched at the scratches on my hands. It was always the smallest cuts that hurt the most. I began to walk towards my home.

        I would never expect that from you, how interesting..

        I swallowed down the words booming from my conscience, and began to run through the forested area before Xavier could order the chauffeur to pull back. The way to the mansion was empty. It was a forested area which climbed up a rocky mountain where the castle sat at the top. I may have be over exaggerating a little bit but it was true, It was completely deserted. As I made my way up the rocky path, endless thoughts piled in my head. All the while I walked I tried my best not to let myself drown in my head.

        

       --- Martha, one of the house maids, opened the doors for me and I walked through, just as the familiar abandoned black limo pulled up in front of the castle. I didn't want to talk with Xavier, or anyone else in that matter. Xavier would try to find me in my room, so that was off limits.

      Just go explore a bit

     "Wow, that's the only positive idea you have ever given me"

       I began to walk, past the perfect living room and into the labyrinth of endless halls and staircases.

     The time is coming for your perfection to end again..

     It was. The strange feeling was beginning to creep up my throat again. A burning feverish feeling that made its way to my mind a took over. This state- the one where I can lose control of my sanity and before I can stop myself, I'm elbow-deep in some else s blood.

      I stopped to look around me. I had made twist and turns and I now stood in a bright hall with long vases and delicate flowers on white roman stools. The flowers ran on both sides of the hall; They gave off such a refreshing smell. I laughed a spun, looking up at the glass ceiling, the sky stared back down at me. Did the people who worked here really take care of this place? Water all the plants, vacuum all the halls? It seemed like such an impossible task. A beautiful flower..if only I could have one..

       Don't touch it, you'll spoil it with your sinned hands.

      I gasped and pulled my hand back, as though I had touched a hot stove.

      "Could I really? Spoil happiness-beauty...Or have I already.." 

            I backed up shaking my head vigorously; but I back into a vase, sending it crashing onto the crimson carpet. I spun and tried to get away from the glass but another came crashing down on my right arm, little clear crimson dotted shards sticking out.

       Destructive little girl

        "I'm not! I'm not!" I shouted, but with every reckless turn, another came crashing down. I felt light headed, I had to get out of this cursed hall.

      I ran and ran, running up one last spiral of steps until I got to the top floor. I never went to the top floor, but I knew it was always empty and quiet, except of course for the maids who vacuumed and sweeped.

       I sank down against a white wall which faced a huge glass window. Two identical maids, walked by and looked down at me startled. They had curly short hair, and pale ivory skin. They whispered to each other and hurried down the hall to the steps, curling their perfectly manicured nails into fists.

      My arm was in pain, pinned down with glass at all the worst parts. With a shaking hand I pulled the largest piece from the middle of my arm. I yelped and bit my tongue as blood trickled down from where the glass once was. I continued pulling and yelping and eventually crying until I had made a small pile of my own. I grunted as I took the last piece from my arm,  it was a bloody mess. I turned to my left arm and pulled out one piece from my wrist. Tears burned in my eyes and I shook from the pain.

         "Why... why does it have to be like this.." I whispered to myself.

          I'm guessing when those twin maids ran downstairs they fetched Xavier, because before I knew it he was standing above me with this sympathetic look on his face.

  

            I grunted as Xavier pressed the last band-aid onto my arm, covering the only naked spot left on it. He had sent house-maids to clean the mess on what I later found out was the fifth floor.

       I bet the housemaids are already talking about how insane their lady is..

       I gulped those words down. I sat on the very long grand dining table, a large crystal chandelier gleaming above me. I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten on this table.

        "Thank you", I whispered.

        I looked up from my bandaged arms and at Xavier. He had rolled his white sleeves up and had unbuttoned his shirt a bit. Now that he looked more casual instead of so formal, I saw him for the first time..as well.. attractive. My face grew hot, but the imagine of blood and murder flashed through my mind and my stomach churned, and the feeling disappeared. 

      "Look Alex", his voice made me jump from my thoughts,"I'm not even going to ask about what happened..but my lady, Know that I am and will always be here for you if you need to discuss about anything, okay?"

     His words warmed my heart, and I smiled weakly at him. My hands held onto the tables edges; I felt as if I would fall forward if I let go.

     "Okay"

     He let out a deep breath he must have been holding in and relaxed. He looked at me, more like studied me. I tensed as his eyes found mine and the dining room grew silent, except for the sound of breathing that escaped our nostrils. 

     He slowly reached out an un-gloved hand and pulled my chin up. I didn't move. He slowly leaned down so he could reach my height. He stopped an inch away from my mouth, and looked at at my eyes again, as if asking for permission. His breath shook with anticipation, and my heart pounded against my rib cage. Why couldn't I move? He suddenly pulled away, and something inside me burned.

      "I apologize..I did not know what I was thinking.. that you would ever..please excuse me"

      Killers didn't deserve to be loved by someone. They didn't deserve to be treated this way.. as if they mean the world to someone. 

       And yet..you want it so bad Alexandria..

      That was when feeling rushed into my body, and I jolted up with the realization that I could move again. Xavier was just about to turn when my body wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him forward. He chuckled and fell over me, hands above me he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. Soft and warm and welcoming lips, but something inside me wasn't satisfied. 

       My turn 

    The words were still ringing in my head before I realized I had turned Xavier over and he now lay on the table and I was on top, my legs on either side of him and my hands holding his head. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but my finger touched my lips, in a signal to be silent. Then my lips pressed against his and began to move, and his followed. I could feel his grin behind my lips and it made me laugh. Then regret and guilt hit me hard. I lay my head onto his chest and it crept up my throat, his heart beating in my ear. This was a heart that would have to stay beating. 

    "I know, that you will always be there for me Xavier.. But you can not be there for me anymore. As cliche as this sounds, you're going to get hurt"

     He chuckled and inhaled a raged breath.

     "How bad could you be?"

      I took a deep breath and pulled myself away from him, sitting besides him but looking down at the carpet on the floor. I watched as something hot dripped from my eye and landed on the carpet, darkening the color.

     "What would you do if I told you I was the reason the streets were clear? The reason why everyone cant leave their home without having fear in their hearts?"

     "What are you trying to say?"

     I took a deep breath and swallowed down the ringing in my head.

      "What would you do if I told you I was Heartless?"

      Xavier chuckled, and I turned my head to see his face, where a devilish smile was waiting.

     "I would say I already knew"

--------

    Every bones ached as I pulled myself up from my bed. I looked around the room to find my clothes, which lay sprawled out by the door. Xavier turned over next to me, his well-built body sleeping besides me. I reached out my hand to push a lock of black hair out of his face, but I jumped back as I remembered the warmth of his touch, and goosebumps crawled over my body. I looked up at the large window which was now shaded in thick royal blue curtains. I couldn't see the sun so I turned to look at the grandfather clock, which was the only other noise in the room besides Xavier's breathing. It was 6 am.

    Buttoning on my jeans and pulling on my shirt, I silently closed the door behind me. Tying the laces of my combat boots, I put my hair back into a messy bun, only to decide to seconds later that it looked better a wavy mess. 

   I needed air, I had to get out of this place.. even for just a minute. I crept down the spiral stairs only to run into Martha, one of the house maids. 

  "Mistress you should be resting" she whispered, holding neatly folded white towels in her hands.

   "I know but I cant sleep, so I'm just going to go for a walk, I'll be back shortly"

    I ran down the steps and pulled open the giant door as Martha shouted behind me something about how dangerous it was to be out when the killer was still on the loose.

    I walked down the deserted road which led to the mansion behind me. The streets were clear thanks to the new curfew. I should have been inside too.. safe and warm. 

        Safe from what? Yourself?

         I winced hearing the voice again, I almost forgot about her.

        What? Did you forget just how fucked up you are? 

         News had spread that the government had sent out a group of soldiers along with experienced detectives to end the fear in the town. 

           Those were only obstacles.

    

  

 

   

  

 

 

       

                          

        

   

             

        

       

            

       

        

         

           

 

    

         

       

          

         

      

       

       

             

                  

             

              

    

         

        

    

             

  

              

        

 

    

        

   

  

        

       

       

   

       

    

    

  

   

  

    

   

   

    

    

   

 

  

Author's Note

I update every Thursday :3

Reviews

[palomiabird]

I just got blown away and completly caught up on this story! Loved it :)

[Littlethings]

Thankyou so much!! :D i had no idea people actually took interest in my writing :)

[The Big D]

amazaing story. marry me?¿?¿?¿

[Shaiyenne Deleon]

amazingg