Did I Say I Love You?

We all give our hearts with a belief that we will receive one in return. Hope flutters on the winds of desire.

D****t!  Did I just say I loved you?
Did those words slip out of me?
How could I fall in love with you? 
I used to be happy being free.
Nevertheless, you make it so easy to love you;
You make me long for the touch of your hands.
Damn!  I know I am in love with you.
However, I don't know where you stand.
You've never said you loved me.
You just moan that I make you feel good.
You ride, fondle, and caress me.
Should these nonverbal clues be understood?

I love it when you embrace me. 
I find joy in having you near.
However, the thought of you not loving me...
It fills my heart and soul with fear.
When I said it, you didn't reply.
You just kissed me and left for home.
Now I sit here in this room full of regret.
I wish you'd replied before you left me here alone.

D****t! I pray that you love me.
I don't know what I would do if you don't
I won't be able to let go of my desire
I quake under the weight of my inner want.
Maybe, tomorrow you will say it.
I will go to sleep dreaming of those words
Musing about a possible future together
Where you say the three words, I've never heard.

© Eddie K Phillips

Reviews

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

I love the panic in this poem, and how every thought it crystal clear. The anxiety of telling some one you love them first always sucks...it is a build up you have to prepare yourself for. So when you finally say it and they don't say it back it is like a swift kick to the heart, and you portrayed that really well here. Wonderful poem!

[Eddie Phillips]

Thank you. It is a subject that many of us understand because we lived it.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Oh, Lord! I could cringe to think back on a moment when those words fell from my tongue, just crawled up on the roof of my mouth and plunged head first into the void - that void of "Oh my God!" and "Crap!" and "I'm sorry" and "I can't believe I just said that." The surprise of those words once spilled just knocks you off balance. You feel like a child who's been caught with his hands in the cookie jar. O! IF I COULD JUST STUFF THOSE WORDS RIGHT BACK INTO MY MOUTH. It's like tripping on the curb and falling and standing back up superhuman fast, looking around, hoping that no one has noticed. Well, we both know there's always a witness. LOL! I feel you on this one, both in the saying, the falling, and the fear of the lack of returning. You expressed yourself tremendously well in this one.

[Eddie Phillips]

Thank you for the wonderful comments. The inner struggle and pain of this poem gives it the strength that pushes you through.

[A. Hannah]

It's beautiful, an inner monologue of deafening uncertainty. The panic comes though in some areas, it's awesome!

[Eddie Phillips]

I wanted to let the reader feel the pain and panic that those words can induce if love is not evident. It is a inner monologue that many people can understand.