Fly Away Home

"Mother"?

I don’t really know what that means

You were a ghost

Even when your arteries were pumping away

Moving oxygen around that lump of flesh

The only thing that really

Comforts

Is John Lennon lyrics

Not chicken soup

Or cuddles

Or buttery toast

Or sugary tea

No

You’d rather an acidic beverage

One that

s-l-o-w-e-d    t h i n g s    d    o    w    n

“Adult Time” you’d chime

“F**k off” would have been just as kind

Nothing but Happy Meal toys and penny sweets and crayolas to listen to my infantile anxieties

My hopes and dreams

I wanted to be Indiana Jones, didn’t you know?

With a hat and a whip and a gold idol of my own to steal back from the clutches of evil

Not a… doll

“Smile! Oh, why are you so naughty? Why won’t you smile?”

Oh, how you’d dress me

In little frills and orange plaid skirts and pig tails

You would gift wrap me

For display

Then when the cooing died away

Just simply… put me back away

No night light, stories, bubble bath “good night”

Back on the shelf

To collect dust

Until you were ready to feign affection

But cruelty isn’t affection

It isn’t some inarticulate way of displaying love

It was letting me know my place

Bruises, cuts, gouges of the flesh, hair pulled fresh from the scalp like a Native American with a machete

“We’ll just have to agree to disagree”

“You are so heavy footed, you dance like a cart horse”

“It ruins your face”

“I wish I had an abortion”

“Yes, Mum”

Curled pudgy little fists

Eyes brimming with tears with the

Fury of hell

Building inside a tiny chest

Heaving and deflating like a puffed-up pigeon

But I couldn’t ruffle my feathers

Not yet

Fly Away Home?

With clipped wings?

Reviews

[Ms Paragon]

A powerful and at the same time sensitive poem!An exceptional,strong write.Brilliant!You can feel the pain escalate line after line.And the ending,the sense that all this abuse has permanently left its mark...devastating.Great work!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow i am glad i found this poem...as much as it tore me apart, the writing and the allusions used, fantastic and so absorbing.
we feel the cold beat of the speaker's heart having dealt with that kind of growing up...
without a parent, even though the parent was physically present.
j.

[emmajoy]

A brilliance of writing. evelynnoir, that made me sit rigid with sadness for you! Dear heavens above, what thoughts, what feelings, what an outcome. And yet, dear evelyn, you wrote like a Mistress of the Word, snuffed you pain, dulled your emtoions and somehow, God knows how, presented YOU, take it or leave it. A miracle. You, immersed yet wholly visible

'Fury of hell ~ Building inside a tiny chest ~ Heaving and deflating like a puffed-up pigeon ~ But I couldn’t ruffle my feathers ~ Not yet .. .. ' But you have, as of NOW.

[Relic]

The frustration and pain are reminiscent of a Sylvia Plath poem. No child should be treated like this. This is a powerful poem I can see came from deep inside. Great job.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

A forceful foray of attacking revelations - abuse, neglect and loveless times all poignantly encapsulated with your barb-wired poetic words - a share of significance and ponderance - thank you for posting … :-)

[evelynnoir]

Thank you so much :)