Burnt

About cigarettes and goodbyes.

The cigarettes

That burn my throat

Don’t burn as much

As loving you

And this smoke

That clouds my eyes

Cannot deceive me

Like your disguise

There's not a fire

To light my soul

Just like you did

When I was whole

It doesn’t matter

How much I try

Nothing will kill me

Like your goodbye

Reviews

[emipoemi]

Whoah, this is powerful! Your rhymes kind of went a bit sloppy in the beginning with "throat" and "you", but the power the poem has overall renders such a "flaw" virtually invalid. This is really good, and really relatable! Well done!

[Kenny Bellamy]

I wish you'd of written more long form poetry, I've read some of the Haikus on your page, there are some killer lines in those. I will say, in way of advice, punctuate this poem, it'll give the reader a better sense of the beats, you get so much control of the reading of a piece through punctuation. also I think the word you want is 'light' (present tense)' not 'lit' (past tense).

[Coyote Poetry]

Honest and powerful words and thought.
"It doesn’t matter
How much I try
Nothing will kill me
Like your goodbye"
Those goodbyes shall haunt us forever. I liked the realistic feel of the words. Thank you Elizabeth for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[PoeticSorcery]

dark and conceptual to a t. well done.

[Butterfly]

Beautfully written yet so sad flows so lovely really bringing the poem to life

[Elmarie]

Hi Elizabeth I thought your poem flowed just beautifully, and I enjoyed the comparison of the fire of the love and the cigarettes. Sad as the poem might be I enjoyed reading it.

Blessings

El

[Elizabeth J. Gelinger]

Thank you for the review

[ranscan]

Smoking and love, lost or held fast in soul and body, two subjects I find welcoming, and here well treated. Wonderful flow that transitions in seamless light and shadow.

[Elizabeth J. Gelinger]

Thank you for the review