Vulnerable Tendencies

You had me once

 

My body wrapped around you

 

                        Grabbing at your bones

           

            Searching for your soul

 

You had me once

 

                                    Serving your needs, your desires.

           

I would have surrendered all my air

 

If you had asked for it.

 

You had me once

 

Consciously manipulating each moment

 

You were so aware of my commitment

 

            My tendency to grasp

 

You had me once

           

                                    Inside a world of vulnerability

                       

                        I swore would never hold me.

 

            I did this all for you.

 

You had me once

Author's Note

Thoughts please! Criticism much appreciated :)

Reviews

[Rasputin]

"I heartily endorse this event or product". - Krusty the Clown

But in all seriousness, I did enjoy this. First of all, I loved the layout- to me, it communicated a feeling of letting yourself be dragged back into a place that, deep down, you know you shouldn't go, but you ignore your gut instinct and go anyway (f**k knows we've all been there). And then, of course, comes that bitter realization that you seem to have had repeatedly. And when I say that, I'm praising your writing skills, not criticizing your judgement in your personal life (which is, naturally, none of my concern). Also, your word choice was clear and succinct, devoid of trivialities. I think it's more effective that way- it cuts right down to the bone.
In case you didn't feel like reading all that, I'm saying you did a good job. Rock on.

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

This poem could stand easily with or without the shape so as I was contemplating it, I started to think about the picture you chose of the ocean and the waves and the tide. Then it hit me that that is what this form speaks to me of. The words seem to drift in a tidal quality, like ocean waves they are breaking. Like the shore waits for them to return there it is "You had me once". Just my drifting. Not sure if it was your intent, but I like the thought.
So well done.

[Amila Jay]

A great poem it is :))

[Hayley]

I like it... The style does add something to the poem, whether or not it was intended. The whole of it is leaning to the left, to the past, straining almost.
The beginning had my attention from the start because of your raw descriptions:
"My body wrapped around you

Grabbing at your bones

Searching for your soul

You had me once"

Very deep piece!

[luna11]

Wow
This is a lovely poem.
Well done.
xx

[khalid]

very nice written. i really like it. it reflects the one side love in a nice way. well done

[Sleeping Maiden]

Hmmm I enjoyed this! It's a wonderful piece and i like your unique style of pattern on this one. I love the theme of the poem.
Great poem!

[paradise]

No critism here! I in all honesty really liked this piece! I like how you did the writing in a different format and how you always ended and started with "you had me once" ( Another great choice was the picture thumbs up to there as well!) I really love this work keep em coming!

[Lowesy]

it was good. I don't really understand the pattern of the layout, to me it's just a lovely pattern but it doesn't add anything to the poem itself. The repetition was good, your words also good. Consider punctuation and grammar to add extra emphasis on certain lines and how you want this piece to flow. Other than that :D