Drowning

I jumped into the shimmering water

Watched you watching me,

Full of love and desire.

The sun setting in your eyes;

I swam and swam until my limbs failed.

The water’s warmth kept me in.

Shallow waves and jagged rocks,

The same water crashing again and again.

I loved the security.

No new dangers floating towards me.

I felt safe within the waters of the lake.

But I was tired,

Depressed,

Exhausted.

Suffocating in familiarities,

Too scared to move from all I knew,

You watched me drown but didn’t notice.

 

Author's Note

I wrote this when I was fourteen, but I would still enjoy feedback! Thanks.

Reviews

[StoryTailor]

There's a lot of emotion in this ((I did say I would read another, so here I am))
And the beginning and middle is just incredible.
What I do see -- if you don't mind a little critique--
is that in the very last line it lost the pattern of the rest. I mean-- you had a general beat, a rhythm. And then in the last line it "drowned"
^^
Maybe that was on purpose though?
Heh-- all in all a great poem. I liked reading it.

[Sleeping Maiden]

Oooo...i really like it. It's as if the reader was beside you. You make the reader feel the emotions wrapped in this piece!
I love the flow of it. Nice write!

[paradise]

Hmm I like it Its very well written and has alot of emotion in it I like the way you wrote it it fasinated me