How I spent the end of my birthday party

I was naked except for the jellyfish

ghost-light of glow-stick

bracelets wrapped around my arms

as I sat in the bathtub, wrapped in loose

dark, and conteplated my pulses

color: burgandy, curtain lace, hesitant

         sigh, delicate bone.

 

Party techno lasoed in the bathroom

when you opened the door and then

it was sucked out when you closed

it, reducing reality to a soft

under-ebb.

 

I wanted to invite you into

the tub, but my mouth forgot

how to shape words.  I guess

it didn't matter since you stripped

silently and slid in behind me anyways.

 

I leaned back--

 

--the water lifted

and the neon lights

held the edges of the tub.

 

(my pulse glowed)

     and the shadows danced softly.

Author's Note

Not sure if the use of parenthesis work ...

Reviews

[外人 (Gaiji..]

I enjoyed it, elegant in describing a very intimate moment :)

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

you should try them between the hyphens;
I thought about it for a min., and that seems right to me

[Crazy Cat Man]

whoa. very intense ending to a bday party. I like the poem :D

[Wild Willow Blue]

Very peaceful. Beautiful.

[Trevor Schack]

I have decided to return the favor of the review. So, very, um, descriptive. Okay, it's an better than average poem from an adult prospective. Better review than I give most people

[Whales]

I love the jellyfish part.

[Rusty]

!

[bob, small b. aka invs]

every party should end this way. nicely written.

[John F]

yes the parenthesis works well. it breaks it nicely and gives a nice sense that things are changing.

quite a disorder of charging veins and sweeping lust, some very interesting imagery.

reducing reality to a soft under-ebb, irresistable stuff Sivvy :)

[~Beautiful Dreamer~]

so good :D i like it XDD