Origami

Words are kept folded and tucked

under my tongue.  Their

creases rub my gums--I hope

you don't notice the blood tinting

my puppeteered speech.

 

I want to give you my carefully

and tenderly folded I love you but I'm

scared you'll tear it up instead of pressing

it to your lips and whispering your heart inside.

Author's Note

yeeeeep, another love poem. I hope it's not too gushy.

Reviews

[Melobldnfr]

Not gushy. Endearing.

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

wow this is weird you should read my "Origami Words"
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/VirginPoet/985821/

its almost as if it its a reply

I have to edit my poem by adding a link to this in my note for reviewers hope you dont mind

[外人 (Gaiji..]

I liked it :) interesting the idea of considering words as a material object and the whole passage of the "i love you" sentence from your mouth to your lover's could be seen as a methapor for a kiss (kisses, in fact, are physical manifestations of love), also nice how, once you've "changed the nature of something" (words = objects) you stick to it, you don't talk about fearing he deny your love, you talk about fearing he TEARS it up (something linked to paper, an object), also loved the idea of lips as the messenger bringing the message of love to heart (as you expressed it in last verse), it is very original, we usually give this role to eyes (love at first sight is a great example of that)
Very well done, loved it =D

[Clockwork]

I think the idea of using the ancient art of Origami to express this message of love is a nice touch. I think there is an interesting split in this poem between wanting to express love and having reservations about doing so. I think that really captures how many of us feel when we really want to express how we feel to someone special.

I have to say that I like the idea of "puppeteered speech," but I think the words describing that striking idea could be a bit stronger. Overall, I like the direction of the poem and I think you are on to something.

[Rusty]

I am fond of a well crafted gush. Is that not the basis of poetry? The origin? I say gush away, the world has plenty of room for gushing love.

[Mars Samuel]

I really liked the feelings it left on my tongue, as strange as that may sound... It really brought home how much of a bomb those little words are when they mean something. It left me feeling a little bit tense, kind of worried, but it was not too gushy at all. Juuuuust right.
Nailed this one, way past cool!

[I Shred This Cabbage]

it feels as though you're saying writing is a substitute for self. Like saying, 'If you don't love me, love my writing and love me for my writing.'

I could be wrong but I want to believe it regardless! :)

excellent as always and not too gushy!

[~Beautiful Dreamer~]

i dont think it is i think its BEAUTIFUL!!