Breathing is for normal days

Grind up teacups

and snort the porcelain dust.

 

Today, whispers hide within the walls

and screams rush out of my mouth, tripping over each other

in chaotic panic to escape my collapsing lungs.

 

Breathe--

 

No!

Breathing is for normal days;

 

right now I huff and I puff

and I tear out my tears,

 

and the screams shred my voice into cries and then dust,

 

ghosts spill out;

my mouth is wider than the moon,

jaw stretched and breathless.

Author's Note

Not happy with the title--help!

Reviews

[Leslie Philibert]

I think Eglantine is a terrific poet, and I like this a lot. A cliche free, creative, original poem that startles with fantastic imagery, with great punctuation ( often underestimated) and line breaks.This is the kind of work other poets should look at, as the right way to be creative.

[eglantine]

Thank you as always :)

[Devons]

"with great punctuation ( often underestimated)"....

I second that.

[Eagle Cruagh]

Sounds like you are less than happy with
any of your poem. It is good however.
You just seem to have chosen your most miserable
day to write a poem.
Eagle Cruagh

[Melobldnfr]

As for titles; considering the first lines, I am thinking something like "A Fix For Alice". Or "Breathless". Of course I like it. The whispers have me curious. Screams rushing out in panic as your lungs collapse: Intense. Powerful and visual. Like the gleam of a quick dagger. Well done.

[NOoooooooooo]

how about for a title: Breathing Apparatus ... I don't know :S but it's a good poem

[eglantine]

oh, that's a sweet title idea. Thank you!

[NOoooooooooo]

it is my great pleasure! :)
you're welcome I'm glad to help you're a fantastic poet

[Celestial Witch Child]

Love the detail and imagery in this piece. Wonderful work as always, dear.

[Devons]

The poetic equivalent of a primal scream.
This piece establishes an inner turmoil from its very first lines and, like a silent image of fingers dragged across slate, the frenetic nerve spreads throughout. The effect is not abrasive yet it incarnates the abrasive quality it means to convey, and therefore does it effectively. The feeling of madness and unreasonable anxiety is finally fixated in a frozen scream. The image is a horror in awe of a feeling.

NB If you are serious about wanting help with the title then I would suggest "Tear Out My Tears".

[eglantine]

Thank you so much for the read and comments! I really appreciate it :) And thank you for the suggestion. If you'd like, my fb page is: https://www.facebook.com/freshwaterpoet

[Devons]

I think here is the best place for poetry.

[eglantine]

to each their own :)

[gabiaimee]

I'm feeling the panic attacks just reading this. I always hated how the supposed cure for anxiety is to breathe when it seems almost impossible to do so. The line breaks, punctuation, and indentations make it especially powerful. Great way to use details to your advantage. Nice!

[eglantine]

Thank you! Glad you appreciate the use of punctuation :)

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

This poem makes me think of panic attacks. I actually like how your title implies the topic of panic attacks in it.

[eglantine]

Yes, panic/anxiety attacks. Thank you!

[Simon Welsh]

"I tear out my tears". I like that line.

[...]

I think the title is like the poem...perfect! You write with such heavy emotion. The reader can't help but feel it! I love it :)