3:15 a.m. must have been the time that you became a poet

for the queen and the jack

Infra-red numbers don’t mean much

in the black-and-white world

beneath your eyelids.

 

Your voice is asleep between your vodka breaths;

 

                        do you know that I am here,

                        shuffling cards, waiting for you

                        to wake and pick one, any one,

 

                        be it heart or spade,

                        rust or doubled,

                        life or life-after?

 

You are not as, or was

 

 

 

                                --and I could be the woman you fall in love with.

Reviews

[Alessander]

I like your "Hook". It sets up the dichotomy you hammer throughout.
Infa-red/Black and White
Heart/Spade
Rust/Doubled
Life/hereafter
as/was

Maybe even the implied dichotomy.

Sober/drunk (metaphorically and literally)
Love/Non-love

You also do a good job of drawing the reader in with details, making it more intimate "beneath eyelids"
"between vodka breaths"

One can almost feel the person inspecting, or hovering, somewhat impatiently.

The format is a bit jarring too, but I find that punctuation and format tend to be idiosyncratic.

Anyhow, I usually suggest something to the writer, but this is pretty "clean" (looks like it's been revised a few times), so I can't really offer small alternatives without stretching it.

The only part I was in the dark about was "rust or doubled". I play cards (though not a shark), but am not familiar with that term (or maybe it's regional).

Random thoughts...I think 3:15am was supposed to be the time Jesus died? I forget.
Well, at the very least, that's the time I was born, the little devil! lol

Anyhow, enjoyed it.

[eglantine]

Thank you Alessander. I have never heard that 3:15 Jesus bit before, interesting.

[A. Amos]

Just like Jack your title drew me here and I enjoy what read...good job

[eglantine]

Thank you A. Amos

[Jack...]

Well my friend, your sub-title drew me in. This was a bit different and very abstract but nicely penned. I saw the "Jack" combined with 3:15am and having written a poem many months ago titled 3:15 am, I had to search for a hidden meaning...I found none. :)

Very cool my friend.

[K. Louis]

clever little poem, and it wasn't until this, that i noticed the shape of a spade on a card, is like an upside down heart being pierced and dug into like a spade. I like the word play, and charades...this sort of attitude the character has like..hey, if you miss out...it's only your loss..

[eglantine]

Thank you very much!

[K. Louis]

you're welcome! :)

[Mark]

cups or swords... as long as they fall right side up? :) Nice job.

[eglantine]

merci Mark!