3:15 a.m. must have been the time that you became a poet

for the queen and the jack

Infra-red numbers don’t mean much

in the black-and-white world

beneath your eyelids.

 

Your voice is asleep between your vodka breaths;

 

                        do you know that I am here,

                        shuffling cards, waiting for you

                        to wake and pick one, any one,

 

                        be it heart or spade,

                        rust or doubled,

                        life or life-after?

 

You are not as, or was

 

 

 

                                --and I could be the woman you fall in love with.

Reviews

[Alessander]

I like your "Hook". It sets up the dichotomy you hammer throughout.
Infa-red/Black and White
Heart/Spade
Rust/Doubled
Life/hereafter
as/was

Maybe even the implied dichotomy.

Sober/drunk (metaphorically and literally)
Love/Non-love

You also do a good job of drawing the reader in with details, making it more intimate "beneath eyelids"
"between vodka breaths"

One can almost feel the person inspecting, or hovering, somewhat impatiently.

The format is a bit jarring too, but I find that punctuation and format tend to be idiosyncratic.

Anyhow, I usually suggest something to the writer, but this is pretty "clean" (looks like it's been revised a few times), so I can't really offer small alternatives without stretching it.

The only part I was in the dark about was "rust or doubled". I play cards (though not a shark), but am not familiar with that term (or maybe it's regional).

Random thoughts...I think 3:15am was supposed to be the time Jesus died? I forget.
Well, at the very least, that's the time I was born, the little devil! lol

Anyhow, enjoyed it.

[eglantine]

Thank you Alessander. I have never heard that 3:15 Jesus bit before, interesting.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like how you used the words in the poetry.
"do you know that I am here,
shuffling cards, waiting for you
to wake and pick one, any one,
be it heart or spade,
rust or doubled,
life or life-after?"
The above lines. They are classic emotional movers. Entire poem was amazing. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[G!o]

I read this and i get the meaning of what they say that poetry is the third eye to the world we don't physically see. Beauty or creativity is a mortal of describing your writing. You have the best well of words in you...this is the best reading i have had today.

Amazing!!!

[willweb]

This was quite good. I enjoyed reading this poem today. I like how you have it laid out...adds a lot of depth.

[J]

The way you space this is lovely; the impact of your words, even moreso.

You tread that precarious gap between unknowable - yet knowable to the heart, if that makes sense.

[Dinali Sathma]

A very impressive piece of poetry. I'm going to give a lot of thought.

[Ars Goetia Poetry]

A truly fantastic piece of poetry, I am really impressed. Thanks for sharing. The Elusive Mr Dunne.

[eglantine]

Thank you very much

[Blue]

Wow. The last line took my breath away. Sweet surprise.

[eglantine]

Thank you Arzel

[Simon Welsh]

The early hours are the best time for anything. Nicely written.

[eglantine]

Thank you! :)

[Leslie Philibert]

Eglantine is a poet I admire for her talent and creativity. A proper review of this fine poem would need a number of sides, but here the points I noticed. I really like L11, with its packed verbs that introduce perfectly the second phrase.Then the excellent visuality of the three triplets, divided by the strong single line. All who like good literature will enjoy this.

[eglantine]

Thank you as always