Susie's pool

You stole the stars from my breath
so I sank to the bottom of the pool
and listened for rain.

The moon is naked with pewter;
it drips into my heartbeat,
slows it down until you pull
me to the surface,
like a star to the earth.

Reviews

[Dana Alsamsam]

in this piece it seems that when they stole the stars from your breath, they stole you as well. when you emerge from the water, you yourself are the star in the night sky- replaced and refigured in a purer form. i enjoy how the first and last lines both use the star as a metaphor. it seems as though the middle section is purposely heavy and deliberately clear the way everything is under water and at the end the last line pops like resurfacing. wonderful images!

[eglantine]

You got it right! Thanks for reading! :)

[SyberRose]

Stunningly beautiful...and lovely images...Rose

[Cole Hayley]

I love your writing and I think I need to get your book ;). You're really sensual and I just feel so at awe by what you make me feel.

[eglantine]

aw thanks! I'd be flattered if you got my book :D

[Fréyjä Helv..]

I've always envied your gift in writing... Beautiful..

[eglantine]

aw thank you

[Jack...]

This was enchantingly beautiful. You bring us on these journeys with you and I for one am never disappointed.

[eglantine]

I am glad I don't disappoint you--thank you for reading

[~Beautiful Dreamer~]

I can actually see this...!! Its really good

[Leslie Philibert]

a fine poem, particularly impressive is naked with pewter, and the first stanza is great too..

[K. Louis]

c'est très beau...I love the snapshot images you create...very crisp...very clean.

[eglantine]

Thank you :)

[Mark]

Stars and rain... dim rainbows? I think your style is always delicate looking, I hope it is not fragile.

[eglantine]

Thank you Mark

[Simon Welsh]

Oh, this is fragile and beautiful.

[eglantine]

Thanks Elliott!