I'm really intrigued by the first stanza. The concept that night is deciduous is an interesting one, especially when you combine that with the idea of the dead flower. Even with those ideas of impermanence and death, there is a very lively spark with the mention of fire. Overall, I think that stanza works well.
In the second stanza, I like the idea of teasing the name from something. There is something potentially sensual about that idea. At the very least, that idea evokes a contemplative atmosphere in conjunction with that action.
My favorite parts where stanza three, and the idea in stanza four about the sunsets.
One small thing...the quotation mark at the end of stanza two...was that supposed to be a dash by any chance? I know that the WC composition page turns the long M dash from Microsoft word into a quotation mark, so I just wondered.
"I want to tease my name
from the lips of every star
that pulses within your heart"
this overwhelming desire for a person and every single tiny bit of their being is very evident here. your use of unique metaphor always impresses me :) great work!
Me too.Like especially the first stanza with decidous, and the way this combines very big universal images with a personal element, so a write with a carefully selected central purpose. Excellent.
I'm really intrigued by the first stanza. The concept that night is deciduous is an interesting one, especially when you combine that with the idea of the dead flower. Even with those ideas of impermanence and death, there is a very lively spark with the mention of fire. Overall, I think that stanza works well.
In the second stanza, I like the idea of teasing the name from something. There is something potentially sensual about that idea. At the very least, that idea evokes a contemplative atmosphere in conjunction with that action.
My favorite parts where stanza three, and the idea in stanza four about the sunsets.
One small thing...the quotation mark at the end of stanza two...was that supposed to be a dash by any chance? I know that the WC composition page turns the long M dash from Microsoft word into a quotation mark, so I just wondered.
"Let me be the voice that whispers sunsets across your skin" One of the most beautiful lines I have ever read. This was special Eglantine, very special. Nicely done.
I graduated with my B.A. in English (emphasis creative writing) My ultimate goal is to be the U.S. Poet Laureate and to be a college professor of poetry. I'm a wildflower with a poetic soul. I'm als.. more..
![[send message]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/mail.png){kind=small}
![[befriend]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/friend.png){kind=small}
first
prev
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Read Request
My Library
Flag Writing
