New Moon

This night is deciduous

and I am lost in Ursa Minor

with a dead flower, alive with fire.

 

I want to tease my name

from the lips of every star

that pulses within your heart--

 

            you, with the blue bandana, you know who you are.

 

Let me be the voice

that whispers sunsets

across your skin.

Author's Note

for Patrick, who reminded my heart it is a phoenix.

Reviews

[Clockwork]

I'm really intrigued by the first stanza. The concept that night is deciduous is an interesting one, especially when you combine that with the idea of the dead flower. Even with those ideas of impermanence and death, there is a very lively spark with the mention of fire. Overall, I think that stanza works well.

In the second stanza, I like the idea of teasing the name from something. There is something potentially sensual about that idea. At the very least, that idea evokes a contemplative atmosphere in conjunction with that action.

My favorite parts where stanza three, and the idea in stanza four about the sunsets.

One small thing...the quotation mark at the end of stanza two...was that supposed to be a dash by any chance? I know that the WC composition page turns the long M dash from Microsoft word into a quotation mark, so I just wondered.

Overall though, I really liked this.

[eglantine]

gaaaaaah, yes, supposed to be a dash. Thanks!

[Clockwork]

You're welcome.

[Abhra]

This is absolutely breathtaking. I loved this poem. The line "The night is deciduous" is a phenomenal line.
Also the closing of the poem
"Let me be the voice
that whispers sunsets
across your skin."

Beautiful beautiful poetry.

[LJW]

Eglantine, Eglantine.

You are one of the best writers of all time.

Succint, unique, believable. The line about the blue bandana inserted into the clasic contemporary vibe= brilliant.

Love this. 101/100

[eglantine]

aw thank you very much LJW :)

[Brittney]

Amazing imagery. With a dead flower, alive with fire. Very powerful line. I really really enjoyed this.

[eglantine]

Thanks for reading

[I Shred This Cabbage]

you constantly blow me away! let me be the voice that whispers susnets across your skin - that's such a beautiful image...there is healing here, a sense of a new beginnign, the process of a new day :) wonderful as always!!

[eglantine]

aw thank you John

[SyberRose]

I love that first verse...and the second and the third and the blue bandana too..Beautifully penned.

[eglantine]

Thank you :)

[Melobldnfr]

" you, with the blue bandana, you know who you are.



Let me be the voice

that whispers sunsets

across your skin."


This is fantastic imagery at it's best Eglantine! Well done! ;-)

[eglantine]

Thank you! :)

[Simon Welsh]

This is well written. Cool.

[MOON]

Lovely write heartfelt love the lines Let me be the voice

that whispers sunsets

across your skin.

[wunder]

~a 'fiery flower'-a 'voice-showering' down
as 'whispering sunsets'~ It's Beautiful!~ :)

[~Beautiful Dreamer~]

wow.... just wow.....I like!