Mute by choice

 

there are no words in my mouth

 

they are in the back of my skull,

 

near my ears;

   

    only I can hear her voice,

 

                            (our voice)

 

the voice polished with beetle-night

and grey shower steam--

   it claws and my jaw clenches, trapping it.

 

this voice does not belong

out there, in front of my lips--

 

it would tear stars from the sky.

Author's Note

In the last line: "stars from the sky" or "hearts from the sky"

Reviews

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

this is f*****g great danielle..I like that you're so respectful of this power..and those stars might have planets with humanoids like ours, so good call..but maybe you should have a conversation with your voice and be like, yo, voice, you're pretty awesome, maybe we can peek into the light of day one of these times after exploring the sunken city in the mediterranean...you guys can have a margarita together on the beach next to some interesting greeks and/or geeks..if it gets to be too much just share a hug and an understanding glance into each other's eyes and then go for a relaxing swim..I'm sure it's pretentious of me to expand on your poem with such a tangent, but I'm just loving my neighbor as myself, even though i'm obviously not a mermaid..i'd sink like a stone in an ocean or lake like a statue...this poem really resonated and it's got your usual brilliance..i think I've probly already touched on your literary style technique accoutrements enough so i'll just finish by saying well done! bongo spazz, out!!

[eglantine]

Thank you very much :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

this made me think about all of the shy people in the world... that if only their voice was let out, they would reveal something powerful. some of the most unheard people may have some of the best ideas worth listening to. this is also why i think you should keep the last line the same; it fits really perfectly with what you have going here. it's almost like this voice is driving this person a bit crazy when it's stuck in their head, but maybe if it was released it would have great power. amazing work here!

[eglantine]

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

[Clockwork]

I really like how you describe that voice in those first five lines. Its your voice but it also belongs to someone else, which is a thought that shows a search for identity and unity. Lines 6-8 are my favorite though: you really dress the idea of the voice in tangible images.

As for your question about the last line, I would stick with stars. When you mention that, I get the idea that the voice has deep power. If you let it out, it could rearrange the complexion of the cosmos. I don't think that "hearts" has the same impact.

[eglantine]

Thank you as always

[I Shred This Cabbage]

feels like a dedicaiton to writer's block... or shyness...not sure...it has the feeling of being wrung out for days...as though one line is unconnected from the previous, except perhaps to reaffirm. no opinion on the issue of stars or hearts...if you are unsure we will be unsure! :P

[eglantine]

Thank you John :)

[Melobldnfr]

Stars from the sky. Just like it says. Absolutely get it this way. Cosmic. So powerful, and perhaps terrible, it would physically alter the universe like something sonic. Incredible, incredible, incredible! Xo.

[eglantine]

Thank you ! I am glad you enjoyed it

[Leslie Philibert]

A poet that I really like, and a poem that I like too. Great use of brackets ( I think punctuation is really important, a comma, for example can make or break a poem, this is often the secret of the best poets) and a strong central image that binds this very well, excellent.

[eglantine]

Always nice to read your reviews

[ChemicalMadness]

i could really feel the tension in this....my jaw is almost sore just thinking about it....so well done on that front.

I like it the way it is....i can see the stars bending the sky as your voice pulls them....frantically trying to remain.

uniquely you, e.

CM

[eglantine]

thank you as always CM

[beautiful dreamer]

your poems make me think lol or maybe it cuz i read them so late at night...hmm either way there always good and this one is no exception!!

[eglantine]

Thanks lovely! :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Another beautiful bit of imagery in this one, spurred forth by your emotion, which is also always very strong. I like the "beetle-night" and I prefer "it would tear stars from the sky", because I can see that happening in a tangible fashion.

Suggestion: In your formatting, I think perhaps your dashes "--" were replaced with quotation marks after the words "stream" and "lips". Happens to me sometimes when I upload a poem as well.

[eglantine]

yeah, I'll have to fix that lol Thank you for reading!

[Mark]

polished with beetle-night... god I love that. :)

Not sure why the quotes?

I like 'stars', but 'hearts' works well too.

maybe

it would tear stars from the sky,
or rend your heart.

[eglantine]

gah, those quotes are supposed to be double dashes.... silly WC formatting lol thanks for reading and for the suggestion!

[asdarkeyesclose]

'only I can hear her voice,'

i'd say definitely stars from the sky, hearts doesn't have the same impact and I liked the ending here a lot before I read your note. I thought you did well with the images here, the poem has a lot of subtle tones to it and I liked the way they interlaced. fantastic.