Sacrifice

I look like I am here.

My eyelids shutter-click
your face in frames per
second:    your lips quiver
as you stare at me.

Did I mention that I am nude?

The clock you bought
from the gypsies scratches
at the bedroom air.

When you kiss
me and I kiss back,
I am not here--

my skin is, my heat,

I've left everything
here in this moment
for you--
            even my pulse
I once held so tight,
            like the lake clings
            to the moon.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I think the concept is one many of us has felt...I know that I have. Giving yourself to someone, and yet being disconnected from the act due to circumstance or situation. This is a painful place to be, to sacrifice ourselves for the pleasure and appeasment of another.

The thing that really sings in this piece is the imagery...the clock section was very nice, but I truly loved the ending, "like the lake clings/to the moon." Despite the fact that moon imagery tends to get a little overused in poetry (just read a paper on it actually), I'm still a big fan and use it often myself! Beautifully done!

[eglantine]

Yes, but I can't help myself to using the moon. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reading

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Oh, I do it as well...at least twice in the last three days. I just keep coming up with new ways of inserting her into my work with stealthy resolve... ;)

[Androglossia]

My eyelids shutter-click
your face in frames per
second:

This line gave me chills. Excellent work.

[eglantine]

haha, glad to have given ya chills. Thank you for reading

[K. Louis]

The second stanza was really nice..and I also agree with clock on that punctuation in stanza 6. Otherwise, I like the disconnect in this..it's realistic and relatable; I don't think it would have worked quite as well if you spelled out where her mind was.

[eglantine]

Yep, I agree as well, thank you!

[Clockwork]

Alright, I really like how you described how she remembers him in those frames per second. I imagine that she has a mind full of action shots of how he moved with her. The line about her lips quivering, then the mention that she is nude, really show her vulnerability and how she is giving herself to this guy. Ah, and the idea of the clock from the gypsies is pretty awesome!

The one small thing that I got a tad hung up on was the punctuation in the middle of the first line in stanza six. That feel like it may go together a little more fluidly if it was not a full stop there.

I really liked the end and how you brought in the idea of the moon. That is a fresh way of describing it, and it really stuck with me. Once again, you are the queen of the moon.

[eglantine]

ah yes, I can see how that is odd--thanks for pointing it out!

[Jack...]

Life itself is a sacrifice if you think about it, how many of us are actually here, yet not, but only going through the motions. We give of ourselves in certain circumstances and know exactly what we are doing, even though our mind is toiling in a different place. I love the first stanza, the references to the camera like action, recording the moments to save them for a time when you really want to enjoy them. Very nice my friend.

[eglantine]

Merci Jack!

[quinfinn]

i think this is saying that she is not really there in spirit but may share her body with her lover just as a sacrificial action to appease what may be a strained relationship....deep....very deep...the lake clings to the moon because it has no choice when the weather is favorable for the moon to shine on the lake...it is unavoidable and yet intangible, though it is there. awesome piece of writing!!!

[eglantine]

THank you Quin!

[quinfinn]

always welcome

[Mark]

Wow... hard hitting with a velvet glove as ever e. "I've left everything, here in this moment, for you--"

I can't help but wonder where she has gone. maybe to the lake, or to the moon? Another from a wonderful poet. :)

[eglantine]

Thank you Mark