Sacrifice

I look like I am here.

My eyelids shutter-click
your face in frames per
second:    your lips quiver
as you stare at me.

Did I mention that I am nude?

The clock you bought
from the gypsies scratches
at the bedroom air.

When you kiss
me and I kiss back,
I am not here--

my skin is, my heat,

I've left everything
here in this moment
for you--
            even my pulse
I once held so tight,
            like the lake clings
            to the moon.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I think the concept is one many of us has felt...I know that I have. Giving yourself to someone, and yet being disconnected from the act due to circumstance or situation. This is a painful place to be, to sacrifice ourselves for the pleasure and appeasment of another.

The thing that really sings in this piece is the imagery...the clock section was very nice, but I truly loved the ending, "like the lake clings/to the moon." Despite the fact that moon imagery tends to get a little overused in poetry (just read a paper on it actually), I'm still a big fan and use it often myself! Beautifully done!

[eglantine]

Yes, but I can't help myself to using the moon. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reading

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Oh, I do it as well...at least twice in the last three days. I just keep coming up with new ways of inserting her into my work with stealthy resolve... ;)

[Abhishekizy]

Nice write. the inertia of lonliness is ample and well portrayed in this write. The ending was nice as Sarah said... "even my pulse.....I once held so tight" worked better for me though!

[Sam Sin Sepultura]

You have a unique way of wording things, I like it. Originality is excellent in poetry, makes you worth following compared to some other poet who uses cliches. This is beautiful, keep up the good work :)

[eglantine]

Thank you very much :)

[~Beautiful Dreamer~]

This is great! Super weird yet awesome!

[eglantine]

Thank you for reading

[keyvan]

good one..but i think you write some beautiful word and left it for other word..i think,if you write it with one little and perfect word it maybe being a grate write....but I love it..

[bluessadmood]

this is so elegant,strange in a way
let you do it all,you cover me,was i really nude
kept closing and opening my eyes still you were there
could hardly feel you,and you kissed just like i was not even there
gave you everything ,was ready to give it all,for i never cared,was not even there
and when were done,it was like i was never there,from the start,what a sacrifice..ha ha
i really loved this,what a style,lovely in everything
lovely write..

[eglantine]

thank you very much!

[bluessadmood]

you are so welcome.

[wunder]

~"The clock you bought/from the gypsies scratches/at the bedroom air."~wow-what a great verse!!!~
~a 'sacrifice' indeed-there is such a closeness in this-i Love the ending!~it's beautifully moving!!!~ :))

[eglantine]

Thank you James!

[wunder]

~very-very welcome~ :)

[Rahul]

I'm speechless this time "Eagle", you've a great talent. you showed and proved it.
loved this piece.......100/100

[eglantine]

Thank you Rahul

[Infinite hexes]

Woah amazing write! This is very deep :)

[Fréyjä Helv..]

I seemed to have a flashback. I've been in that situation before. It's terrible or maybe not entirely. We are sometimes uncertain with our emotions it just happens. Maybe it's fear of hurting another. I know I can't stand that. I'm not sure if I'm on the same direction here. Feel free to enlighten me on the concept a bit.. great work btw :)