Go away reader-- I'm naked and bathing in orange blossoms, trying to wash the stare of his pistachio eyes from my skin,
you do understand, don't you?
Thorns growing inside my glass-veined heart?
If you promise not to taste the water, you can stay, maybe we can listen to each others' pulses: yours dry like merlot, mine underwater and buoy-belled.
You know, he had too much hair on his back anyways.
The moon is too round in my throat for back-hair or hard eyes.
Reader, please hold my heart for me, my lungs are dry; I need to fill them with water.
E, the line, "You know, he had too much hair on his back anyways" had me laughing out loud this morning. I know what you are saying in this piece. I understand the emotions that are pouring from this screen and I also realize, it is not funnt...this feeling. But the fact that you found a spot to insert a little humor made this poem extra great. Very cool my friend. I agree with Sarah, you have a very unique style about you.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thank you very much Jack and glad to have had you laugh.
The sign of a creative, accomplished poet, to turn every experience into a literary delight. The idea fantastic, the vocabulary, the imagery...every reader who understands poetry will like this..
This piece is so creative! Right off the bat it makes you feel as though you are directly talking to me, so that's something I haven't seen much. I really like the structure and format of this poem.
My favorite lines are
"my lungs are dry;
I need to fill them with water."
It adds a resonating sense of eerieness that I adore.
I interpretted the last few lines as a methaphor in the sense that the poetic persona is going to fill their lungs with water and the reader is to hold the heart so it's not to get hurt in the process. Idk but that was just what I thought of it.
You have a really good way with words, keep it up!
Sorry , after the first line I had to leave cause you
said "go way reader, I`m naked."
Well, you did think I was leaving did`nt you ?
I don`t want to be caught with no "naked lady" , but
down at the last stanza it sounds like you been hitt`n the
bottle . If you don`t overdo it it might help your rhyming.
Not that you need any help----- it is rumored around here
on W/C that you are pretty hot stuff in the poetry department.
I need to get out of the bath room now , but I like your
writing.
---- Eagle Cruagh
I`m afraid I think I`m missing something here. I can read this as a piece of prose and enjoy some of the phrasing and recognise an attempt at producing avant garde satire, but I cannot recognise the poetic merit in it. Sorry, Eglantine. P.
this is intense. i get that feeling of regret and buyer's remorse from this write. i hope that is the worst of it. resonant and engaging, this is well worded and brilliantly penned!
I graduated with my B.A. in English (emphasis creative writing) My ultimate goal is to be the U.S. Poet Laureate and to be a college professor of poetry. I'm a wildflower with a poetic soul. I'm als.. more..