And the cow swam under the moon

My sanity tastes like ocean-
tangled yarn.  It hangs from
my cranium, dripping, while I
dream of sea-dragons
arguing the mossy
concept of reality.

I toss and fall
into some dank
corner of my heart--
    when I wake, the air
    tastes like speckled
    rain sharpened with salt.

I glance at my fat goldfish
who swims the same
circles every day
and suddenly

I'm going not where I'm supposed to,
but where I shouldn't.

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

I think you have a talent for wordplay.

I really enjoy the beginning. Especially tangled yarn. Like the relation of tangledyarn into hangcranium. Like arguing sea dragons, mossy ones.

I would say the second stanza and the third... and the end... are less potent. I like short poems often because you can just stop when you are done. Everything to do with coherence or sense... doesn't matter. Everything you needed to say, in my opinion, was said in the first stanza. The rest was a rehash with some decent images.

Maybe could be taken in a new direction. I think that 3rd and 4th are salvage-able, but I feel like the revisit of the salty tastes is kind of a disappointment.

You are a good writer. I may read more.

[eglantine]

Thank you for the suggestions! I appreciate it

[Infinite hexes]

Amazing write!

[Emily Feret]

What excellent imagery. I really love this piece. I am happy to have stumbled upon your work.

[eglantine]

Thanks for reading--glad you enjoyed it :)

[Mark]

'ocean tangled yarn'. Two distinct smells and a visual combined that I would not of thought of. A confusing image; and a thought provoking concept as is the entire write. I like how you switched 'going' and 'not' in the next to last line. It added emphasis to the fact that the speaker is moving.

I sense resignation, perhaps a sadness, in this write. I love being shown concepts in ways I hadn't thought of looking at them before. One of my new favorite poems! :)

[Pete Langley]

It`s a fascinating place....that transition between the sleeping and waking world... the way reality slowly encroaches on the dream state, and how we can be reluctant to leave the intangible behind. The word choice and phrasing are impeccable. Thank you, Eglantine. P.

[Leslie Philibert]

I am gradually running out of superlatives to describe eglantine, who is a terrific poet.
What I like here very much here is the fusion of a observation and the superlative, so a great literary effect, the same way Sylvia Plath cut her finger and wrote a great poem about it shortly before her death. This poet can do it too, turn the commonplace into something magnificent !

[ChemicalMadness]

I can hear these lines being recited as i read them. The cadence is tangible. I like the hazy undertones of the first stanza, the transition between muddled consciousness and the starkness of waking...tasting what was (certainly?) not there.

The last lines hit me as the smack of reality I often have when in the process of shaking off the haze. And funny that realization comes at the hands of the mundane.

I would like more, as I think you could really take this places...it may be fun to reflect back on the dream, then forward again to the destination. I want to know where you're going. Maybe that's because I'm usually interested in what I'm not supposed to??? ;)

[eglantine]

haha, we'll see :) Thanks for reading!

[Alessander]

My sanity tastes like ocean-
tangled yarn.

Great first line. It's really unusual and unique. Tasting sanity is an interesting idea. It's one I don't think I have ever come across in all my readings. Then, to compare it to an "ocean-tangled ocean" really warps the expected, in a way that perhaps only an "insane" person could do (as Plato has accused poets, that it's a "divine madness").

The theme of the water flows through out the poem: sea dragons, moss, dank, rain, goldfish.

I thought the transition from "sea dragons" to "gold fish" was interesting. The poem seems to transition form the fantastical to the mundane - which when I go back and read maybe the creation of "sea dragons" is a sort of a defense mechanism, and escape from the routine, as the last line suggests "I'm going not where I'm supposed to, but where I shouldn't" - the placement of the "not" itself is trying to buck convention.

This poem also reminds me of the lyrics from "Wish You Were Here" by Floyd

"How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here. "

Maybe I've just been listening to too much Floyd lol

Good stuff!

[eglantine]

Wow, thank you so much for the comments! You seem to have a healthy grasp on poetry :)

[Frieda P]

Very, very cool and a tad salty. Like this one a lot. Ha, isn't it always where one shouldn't....

[Jack...]

I love the comparrison of the goldfish swimming the same circles and how some of us approach life. Very cool. This read extremely well and flowed swiftly from the page.

[eglantine]

merci!

[Country Girl]

It's Good.