And the cow swam under the moon

My sanity tastes like ocean-
tangled yarn.  It hangs from
my cranium, dripping, while I
dream of sea-dragons
arguing the mossy
concept of reality.

I toss and fall
into some dank
corner of my heart--
    when I wake, the air
    tastes like speckled
    rain sharpened with salt.

I glance at my fat goldfish
who swims the same
circles every day
and suddenly

I'm going not where I'm supposed to,
but where I shouldn't.

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

I think you have a talent for wordplay.

I really enjoy the beginning. Especially tangled yarn. Like the relation of tangledyarn into hangcranium. Like arguing sea dragons, mossy ones.

I would say the second stanza and the third... and the end... are less potent. I like short poems often because you can just stop when you are done. Everything to do with coherence or sense... doesn't matter. Everything you needed to say, in my opinion, was said in the first stanza. The rest was a rehash with some decent images.

Maybe could be taken in a new direction. I think that 3rd and 4th are salvage-able, but I feel like the revisit of the salty tastes is kind of a disappointment.

You are a good writer. I may read more.

[eglantine]

Thank you for the suggestions! I appreciate it

[J_Star]

When I read this poem I get a sense of vertigo and inversion, and the last stanza is like the narrator righting herself and finding her velocity changed. Good imagery.

[Moving Mass]

Really great eglantine, as others have said, you use humor brilliantly in this piece, I've only had the time to read this one so far, but I'm looking forward to read your other work as well. Well done!

[eglantine]

merci ;)

[Moving Mass]

de rien ;)

[Androglossia]

This is a moment of enlightenment brilliantly conveyed in fine words. I loved everything about it. I mean it.

[eglantine]

aw thanks

[Verser]

Thank you, eglantine.

[keyvan]

nice...good one..

[Verser]

I love this poem. Did I say that I love this poem?

Sanity is on edge, questioned, probed with imagery that is both disturbing and compelling, and then, we discover, it was in a dream, but one that comes with a hangover and a taste of the before. It is way more alluring than our goldfish life, circular, mundane, purposeless. And the ending couplet takes it all, digests it, and makes a pronouncement, a wonderfully expressed conclusion based on all the experience before it. Really nice.

May it?

[eglantine]

THank you and yes, of course

[Winchester Saltgunner]

Lol i love the fat goldfish part gold fish crackers are my fab snack with monster energy deprink lol anyways luv it

[eglantine]

haha yes, I love those crackers too, the pretzel ones specifically. Thanks for reading!

[Winchester Saltgunner]

Welcome and ikr

[.]

HOO HOO HOOOLYY CRAP I REALLY ENJOYED THIS!!! lol From the opening hook and rich imagery of "My sanity tastes like ocean- tangled yarn" to the transition of stagnant uncertainty with "I'm going not where I'm supposed to, but where I shouldn't." Beautiful words, Elga:) BLEEDDDDD ON THE PAGE! :)

[eglantine]

hahaha, thanks! I'm very glad you enjoyed it :)

[Nick.B]

A wonderful imaginary, you've managed to create an amazing painting with your words...great job

[eglantine]

merci