She stands in silver

The rain washes prayers
from her shivering, lilac lips
as the dirt muds up around her feet.

The ink from his letter swims
like watery ribbon from the page
to her trembling hands to the ground
like the moons' silver heartbeats.

Her lungs swell with a drowned scream:
    S'il vous plait, mon amour!

She stands among black-eyed susans, dress
clinging like an extra layer of pale skin

and the moon sharpens the rain silver;
the lunar beads burn her heart lily-white.

Author's Note

Again, I'm rusty... poem prompt from Jack... and Spencer

Reviews

[SteveB]

Very nice. Vivid images and a wonderful economy of language. Not a single word more than is necessary to create the mood, a mood which can be read in many ways. Is it a love letter, a letter of farewell, or perhaps a letter from a dead lover? The potential ambiguity, highlighted by the "drowned scream", adds to the overall effect. Thank you for sharing this.

[eglantine]

merci! :)

[The 13th Eros]

An aching cry to her love stirs the soul in silvering moonlight... You stun the senses with your words... (When you get rusty, just apply handfuls of oil... that always works for me.)

[eglantine]

thanks!

[quinfinn]

this is gorgeous, i love the French injection ...very effective, and sounds much sweeter than "if you please, my love" . it is always a pleasure when you share your writes, never am i disappointed in your grace and skill. lovely!

[eglantine]

Thank you :)

[quinfinn]

welcome!

[Lonely Islander]

Oh this was heartbreaking and beautiful all at the same time, absolutely loved it:-):-):-D.

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

I adore the lunar references to silver! Well done.

[Jack...]

I think you did a great job. I like the feel of this work. It is very sad and heart wrenching, her pain is very evident of the lost love. Brokenhearted and alone in the silvery rain.

[eglantine]

Thanks Jack!

[beautiful dreamer]

i like it!

[Boy of the red]

its pretty good! you have a very tight obssesion of the moon that i like haha. very nice piece

[eglantine]

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeea.... I can't help it lol

[Boy of the red]

haha its ok. makes you write better haha

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarri..]

Quite nice, although the french sentence throw me, but i guess its my fault - little knowledge of french!
I dislike Free verse, but this is sensational!

[eglantine]

I have a lot of french heritage so it comes out in my poetry; it's my favorite language. Thanks for reading

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

I always wanted to learn it, but i already speak 5 languages and decided to stop learning new ones, for the time being, lest my brain explode LOL

Thanks for writing

[eglantine]

oh wow! good for you!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

your rusty is better than many who are well oiled...

shivering as i read this haunting piece.

jacob

[jacob erin-cilberto]

well i am also partial to any poem mentioning black eyed susans...because those were so prevalent in VT. my favorite place in the world. :)

[eglantine]

oh really? They are my mom's favorite flower.